


A Rebuilding Year

by auspicious_shipss



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: (it shouldn't be too bad but if you have an eating disorder please proceed with caution), Adora is Aspec, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But that's not plot important this time, But you don't need to know anything about rowing to read this!, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Human Catra (She-Ra), Lack of Communication, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pining, Regret, Rowing, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Relationships With Food, professional athletes au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 67,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspicious_shipss/pseuds/auspicious_shipss
Summary: Catra and Adora were everything to each other, but then Adora chose to move from Horde Rowing to Bright Moon Rowing Club and a major miscommunication left Catra too upset to follow. After barely speaking for the past two years, a well-timed picture of the two of them is threatening to cause a scandal. With few options, they'll have to pretend to be dating to quiet the media. Can the two of them navigate what went wrong two years ago and rebuild their old relationship, or is what they once had permanently lost?(Aka the rowing fake dating AU that nobody asked for but I wrote anyways)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 89
Kudos: 231





	1. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! This fic is going to have a much different feel from And They Were Roommates, so if you're coming here from that just be warned that I'm exploring angst a bit more in this fic (and if you haven't read it you totally should haha).
> 
> A few logistics:  
> *In this fic some of the characters are dieting to make a set weight. This is an experience I had in high school and while I really wanted to write about it I wouldn't wish it on anyone so I tried to be sensitive about it. If you're concerned about whether or not this fic will be triggering for you, feel free to message me on [tumblr](https://auspiciousships.tumblr.com/) and I'll give you some vague spoilers.  
> *This fic is a combination of present tense and flashbacks. I'm trying to model the way you would process a stressful set of events as they unfold; partially in the present but also by making connections with the past. I think it's basically 50/50 if it lands or if it just comes off as confusing and pretentious, so don't be afraid to tell me if you're totally lost! I'm trying to improve myself as a writer, so I don't mind writing things to make them clearer.  
> *I rated this fic mature because there's alcohol use, some vaguely descriptive internal monologues, and a lot of swearing. I think it could technically pass as teen, but better safe than sorry.  
> *This fic is about rowing, which is an amazing sport to participate in but excruciatingly boring to spectate. Therefore, I don't expect you to know anything about rowing at all! I'll explain all the rowing terms at the end of the chapter (unless you guys have a preference for me putting the explanations at the beginning, I really don't care either way) but not knowing the terms really shouldn't hinder your understanding.  
> *I am operating under the assumption that no one knows anything about rowing so I am taking A LOT of liberties in terms of how professional rowing is structured/how famous pro rowers are. Please don't think you're a rowing expert after reading this.  
> *Rowing is a leg sport. Don't let anyone tell you rowing is an arm sport it is not and they're lying to you. I rowed for five years, trust me, I know.  
> *If anyone gets what the title is referencing I'll marry them on the spot.
> 
> Sorry this is so long, I promise my author's notes aren't usually this long! Please enjoy the read!

**-Present-**

Catra was sitting on the railing above the stairs doing what she did best: sulking. What else was she supposed to do when her boat got their asses handed to them by Adora’s? Catra had spent the last two years content in the fact that her boats had been racing better than Adora’s boats. It wasn’t her fault the other girl was too wimpy to go back to a team with lightweights so they couldn’t have a direct comparison.

But then fucking Shadow Weaver decided to put her in the openweight boat because she was “Adora’s replacement” and “Adora would have been in the openweight boat.” Never mind the fact that Catra had never met an openweight with a sense of rhythm and Lonnie had started rushing like a motherfucker in seven ever since their breakup. Because at the end of the day, the loss was her fault. She was in stern pair and she had failed at setting a rhythm that her boat could use effectively. 

Something that Adora had managed to do perfectly with that disgustingly chipper stroke seat of hers. Catra absently wondered if they were dating. They sure looked like it, with the way the other girl constantly had her arm around Adora’s shoulders. And they were always posting cute pictures together on instagram (yes, Adora’s instagram account was public and yes, Catra stalked it. Fucking sue her). Or she could be dating that overly friendly boy who seemed to have an infinite supply of crop tops. Catra didn’t pretend to know the first thing about Adora’s sexuality.

“Catra?” Came a surprised voice from the hallway. Catra rubbed her eyes in exasperation. Exactly the person she didn’t want to talk to right now.

“What do you want?” Catra demanded, refusing to look at the dumb blonde with her ridiculous thighs and toned shoulders that had only gotten bulkier since she had stopped starving herself to make weight.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be here,” Adora laughed awkwardly, “Shouldn’t you be talking to sponsors with Weaver?”

Catra winced at the name. How dare she talk about Weaver so casually, as if she hadn’t abandoned Catra to take the brunt of Weaver’s wrath on her own. “Shouldn’t you be talking to sponsors with that hairball of glitter you call a stroke seat?”

“I am, but I’m taking a break from the crowds,” Adora said patiently, “They can be too much sometimes, you know?”

Catra finally turned to look at Adora. The other girl was wearing a long, red dress and giving her a sheepish smile. The Adora Catra knew wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress; they were too girly and restrictive. Just one of the many ways she was different now.

“I thought you loved the crowds,” she snapped back, “That’s why you left, isn’t it? So you could be treated like a God without actually putting in any work?” It was unfair and they both knew it. Adora had clearly been putting the effort in. If her muscles weren’t enough to convince Catra, her performance in races most certainly was. Races weren’t won on luck, after all.

But part of Catra wanted Adora to just give in. To pretend that the reason she had left was because she wanted a more glamorous lifestyle, and not because she hated her teammates. Because she hated Catra.

“You know that’s not why I left,” Adora whispered quietly.

Catra laughed bitterly, “No, I guess it isn’t. You left because you couldn’t stand us. You couldn’t stand your own fucking _teammates._ ”

“Catra,” Adora sounded frustrated now, “That’s not it either. It’s Weaver. She’s toxic, and you know it.”

“So instead of working to make the team better, you just up and leave us. Real heroic,” Catra rolled her eyes to cover up the way Adora’s willingness to row with literal strangers instead of staying with her pierced her gut like a knife.

“I had to. I couldn’t keep rowing for a team that treats its athletes like that. And you could have come with me! You still could,” Adora took a step towards Catra, looking at her with wide, pleading eyes.

“Why do you even bother with the whole ‘come with me’ crap? We both know you don’t care about me,” Catra scoffed. Adora had made that clear enough when she had left the Horde for a team that didn’t even have a lightweight boat. A team that Catra couldn’t have fucking followed her to even if she had wanted. Which, for the record, she didn’t want.

“I do care about you Catra,” Adora took another step towards Catra. They were close enough now that Catra could see the flecks of grey in the other girl’s eyes. Catra could remember spending lazy afternoons after practice counting those flecks, memorizing those patterns, until she fell asleep. They used to be soft and familiar and home. Now they were sharp and foreign and unknowable.

Catra glared back at Adora, refusing to give in. She wouldn’t make that mistake again. “Then prove it.”

Adora looked at her in surprise for a few seconds. Catra wasn’t really sure what she wanted Adora to do. Break her contract with Bright Moon and come back to the Horde? Apologize for kicking Catra to the curb and leaving? Admit that she missed Catra too?

Then Adora’s features hardened into something much more determined. She looked like she did at the starting line of a 2k, ready to do whatever needed to be done to win. Adora took another step towards Catra, essentially caging her in. Catra could only stare up at Adora and wait for the other girl to make a move.

Which Adora, for once in her life, actually did. She placed a hand on the back of Catra’s neck and pushed her forward while leaning in, forcing their lips to crash together. On instinct, Catra wrapped her arms around Adora and kissed back. On instinct, Catra let her mouth open when Adora licked at her lips. On instinct, Catra let her body arch up into Adora’s, closing what little space there was between them.

It shouldn’t have felt so fucking good, shouldn’t have sent heat coursing though her veins like a wildfire. She had spent the past two years of her life doing all that she could to force herself to hate Adora. But then Adora pulled back slightly and mumbled “Catra” against her lips like a prayer and all Catra could do was whine in response because she needed Adora more than she needed air and every second their lips weren’t joined was a millennia. 

Adora’s tongue worked against hers passionately, as if Adora would die if she didn’t taste all of Catra now. Adora kissed like she did anything else; with utter devotion and conviction. It would almost be tender, could perhaps be interpreted as loving, if it wasn’t so desperate. Catra moved her hands to tangle in Adora’s hair, frantically searching for something to ground her. She pulled Adora closer to her desperately, as if keeping Adora from breaking the kiss meant they wouldn’t have to go back to the way they were. She knew she was messing the other girl’s hair up, but she didn’t care.

Adora’s hands migrated from where they were resting at the base of Catra’s neck to rest on her hips. Adora drew circles with her thumb just below Catra’s hip bone gently, a stark contrast to the assertive way she pushed into Catra’s mouth. Then the hands were gripping her, pulling her closer to Adora. 

Catra’s mind was blank. She couldn’t think, she could only focus on the feeling of Adora above her, the feeling of her hands on her body and her tongue in her mouth. The rapid thump of her heartbeat in her ears and way Adora bit at her lips as if Catra belonged to her made her dizzy. She was so full of conflicting emotions she felt like she was going to burst.

And _holy fuck_ that was Adora’s _thigh_ in between Catra’s legs. It took all of Catra’s strength not to grind down on her rival shamelessly. She had to maintain some semblance of dignity after this, although she wasn’t sure how much dignity one could retain after getting fucked against a railing during an end-of-regatta banquet. At least it would be absolutely mind blowing, if the way Adora kissed was any indication.

And then there was a click and a flash from next to them. They pulled apart quickly and turned to look at the interruption. Standing in front of them was a reporter, with their camera up and pointing at them.

“Holy shit,” the intruder gaped, “Are you two dating?”

“Fuck off,” Catra glared at them and flipped them off. Hopefully that would be enough to scare the reporter into keeping her secret. If not, she was so fucked. If Weaver saw that she was fraternizing with the enemy, with _Adora_ , there was no telling what her punishment would be.

“Oh my God you _are_ ,” the reporter enthused, clearly not getting the hint, “What a wonderful story! Ex teammates, now rivals, and secret lovers! How long has this been happening?”

“It’s not like that,” Adora insisted, but the way Adora’s hands remained on Catra’s hips very much made it look like it _was_ like that, “Would you please leave? Our personal lives are private.”

Catra snorted. If Adora had wanted to keep this private, she should have done something other than start making out with her in public. Adora gave Catra a pointed glare before turning back to the reporter. Catra hated to admit it, but an angry Adora was much more intimidating than her. It was those stupid fucking muscles that were just a little flexed right now because she was still supporting some of Catra’s weight.

“Of course. Have fun you two,” the reporter said with a wink before walking away.

Catra was inclined to just pick up where they left off. She had already fucked up, and had already gotten caught for it, so she might as well full send now. She turned back to Adora, ready to rejoin their lips, only to find Adora staring at her with mild panic.

“Catra, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” Adora apologized, “I must have had more to drink than I thought.”

Catra considered the other girl for a moment. She hadn’t tasted like alcohol, and she didn’t smell like it either. Catra had seen Adora drunk before--she was once the sole person who knew how to keep drunk Adora safe--and Adora was not acting drunk at all. Which meant that Adora was lying.

“How much have you had?” She finally settled on asking. 

Adora shrugged casually, “I don’t know, I kind of lost count.”

“You lost count?” Catra met Adora’s eyes with disbelief. Adora was the kind of person who would set timers on her phone to make sure she didn’t take her shots too quickly. There was no way she had lost count.

“Yeah, I lost count. It’s been a long day,” Adora looked back at her with a pleading and regretful stare. It said _please drop this so I don’t have to deal with the consequences._ Catra felt her heart drop as she realized just how much Adora regretted the kiss. She should have been prepared for the stabbing emptiness she felt at Adora’s rejection. After all, she had been rejected by Adora before. But she wasn’t. It still hurt, deep and fresh.

Trying to save face, she fixed Adora with her best glare, “Well then, excuse me. I wouldn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to your already stressful day.”

“Catra--” Adora started, but Catra didn’t want to hear it. She shoved Adora’s shoulder not ungently, but not enough to make the other girl move if she really wanted to block Catra. Adora stepped back, letting Catra sulk away.

**-Senior Year: Two years ago, two months before leaving-**

_Adora saw the way Catra starved herself. She saw the way she left half her food untouched every time Adora went in for seconds. She saw the way she measured out portions and obsessively tracked everything down to the calorie._

_It was her fault. Adora had been rowing lightweight with Catra since they had started high school, but as Adora grew and bulked up it became impossible for her to stay down at the elusive 130 pounds. But that was okay, because it wasn’t the individual weight that mattered; it was the average of the entire boat. So if Adora weighted 140 and Catra weighted 120, they could still compete._

_Adora had no idea why Catra was the one who was taking the brunt of Adora’s weight. There were other people in the boat after all--two more in their four and six more in their eight--who could help. Not to say that her teammates weren’t doing their part already, it was just that none of them seemed so tied to her weight. It was if her and Catra were connected by some sinister, unnamed force._

_Weaver weighted them twice a week, and on the days Adora couldn’t manage to get below 140, Catra didn’t eat dinner. She did her best to hide it, but Adora eventually caught on. Whenever the boat average was above 130, Weaver would glare at Catra as if it was her fault, despite Catra consistently being 10 to 15 pounds under the weight._

_Catra wouldn’t talk to her about it. Adora would tell her to eat and Catra would lie and say she had already eaten, or that she wasn’t hungry. But Adora could hear the way the other girl’s stomach protested whenever Adora offered her a bit of whatever she was eating. There was something there, something that Adora didn’t know about. And she didn’t like it one bit. Whatever it was, it was dangerous and toxic and consuming Catra alive._

_Adora was tired of being hungry all the time. She woke up hungry, she went to school hungry, she went to practice hungry, she went to bed hungry. It was hard to focus on anything when your stomach was empty. And she was eating the most out of any of the lightweights--Weaver had upped her calorie allowance to help her bulk up for next season--so Adora could only imagine how Catra felt._

_They needed an out. And if Catra wasn’t going to find them one, Adora was. It was the least she could do after Catra had spent the past four years of their lives protecting Adora from_ something _. So Adora started researching other teams. After the end of this season, not only would they be at the normal age to change teams, but Weaver would no longer be their legal guardian. Which meant they could move if they wanted._

_Adora was most drawn to Bright Moon. They were based on the other side of the city so they wouldn’t have to move far and they could still be part time students at Etheria University like they had planned. Their standings were similar to those of the Horde, so it was likely that they would take them in. And, most importantly, they didn’t have a lightweight team. Catra wouldn’t have to starve herself anymore._

_Adora decided to go for a visit. She kept it a secret for now. Catra always got sensitive whenever Adora talked about their futures, as if she was afraid of leaving the Horde. Adora was sure it was just the uncertainty of where they would go instead, so she wanted to already have a plan before she asked Catra to come with her._

_So she reached out to Angella, the team manager, and arranged a tour of the facility. She made up a lie and told Catra she needed to retake a biology test at school so she could go. She felt bad about it, but in the end Catra would understand. The other girl always did._

_To say that the tour was a life changer was an understatement. She met Glimmer, Angella’s daughter and stroke seat of Bright Moon’s varsity eight, and her friend Bow, who was on the men’s team. They were so bright and friendly and not at all at each other’s throats like Weaver had said they would be. In fact, they seemed happy that Adora had better numbers than them. Something about how “stronger rowers bring up the entire team.”_

_Not to mention the boathouse itself. It was larger, cleaner, and brighter. It didn’t feel like a prison, it felt like an actual place to work out and enjoy yourself. And there wasn’t a dark, dingey cafeteria like in the Horde. In fact, there was no cafeteria at all._

_“How do your coaches know you’re meeting your calorie restrictions if you don’t have a cafeteria?” She asked. Even as openweights they surely had some sort of nutritionist telling them what to eat. There was always a push for the openweights to lose weight, to get down to a weight acceptable enough for lightweight. That’s what it was like in the Horde._

_Glimmer paused to look at her with concern, “We don’t have calorie restrictions. Do you have calorie restrictions?”_

_“Yeah,” Adora said. Obviously she had calorie restrictions, “How else are we supposed to make weight?”_

_“Adora, that’s not normal,” Bow said from beside Glimmer, “Lightweights are supposed to naturally weigh around 130 already. They shouldn’t be starving themselves.”_

That’s not normal. _Bow’s words looped in her head long after she had left. It wasn’t normal to be able to count the number of times you’d eaten out on your fingers. It wasn’t normal to know how many calories were in a teaspoon of almonds off the top of your head. It wasn’t normal to drink water when you started feeling hungry as a means to distract yourself._

_“Do you want to get some real food?” Glimmer had asked, sympathy in her voice._

_Adora could feel her mouth watering at the thought, but she couldn’t. “No, I can’t. We still have to make weight for Nationals and if I gain anything my pair partner will have to make it up.”_

_Bow and Glimmer had nodded at her sadly before bringing her back to Angella. Angella told her the scores she would need to transfer, which Adora met. And Catra would probably meet too, looking at them. They didn’t talk about their scores that often--Weaver discouraged them talking about scores unless it was to pit them against each other--but that seemed like a doable number. Adora signed that day, with the promise that Bright Moon would keep it a secret until after their season was done and that they would leave an open slot for Catra to sign on when she was ready._

**-Present-**

Catra stormed away from Adora and back to the main room of the banquet, refusing to look back. The only thing she would see was Adora giving her that look so full of _regret_ it felt like a slap to her face. Catra did not need that right now.

Instead, she made her way back to her team’s table and sat down with a scowl. From her spot across the table, Scorpia looked at her with concern.

“Hey, are you good Catra?” The other girl asked. She had always been too observant for her own good.

“Yeah, I’m doing great, Scorpia. What could possibly make you think I’m upset?” Catra shot back with a glare before grabbing what was left of her drink and downing it. She winced slightly at the burn of alcohol down her throat.

“You just downed an entire drink and you’ve been missing for half an hour. What happened?” Scorpia motioned to the empty glass in Catra’s hand.

“Nothing.” Catra crossed her arms. She did not want to talk about this with anyone, least of all Scorpia.

“You know you can tell me anything. This is a safe space,” Scorpia offered with a calm tone. Catra did not have the patience for this. She needed another drink.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Catra lied. She let her eyes scan the crowd of rowers and coaches, desperate to avoid Scorpia’s gaze. Her eyes flitted from group to group, until they came to rest on Bright Moon’s table. There was Adora, sitting in between the walking personification of the “power of friendship” and that boy who was apparently too stupid to put on a cummerbund with his suit. They seemed to be prompting her to say something, but Adora was just shaking her head sullenly. She looked on the verge of tears, if Catra was being honest.

Then Adora glanced up and their eyes met. Adora’s eyes widened in surprise. Catra flinched and looked down at the empty plate in front of her.

“Oh. This is about Adora, isn’t it?” Scorpia pried. Catra hated the pity in her voice.

Catra sighed. “Yes, it’s about Adora.”

“Well, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to about her, but if you want to vent, I’m here,” Scorpia said. And she was right. Catra didn’t particularly want to bring up her feelings for Adora with Scorpia. She had always been a touchy subject between the two of them, especially now that they were exes. Now, Catra couldn’t bring up Adora without admitting that Scorpia had been right when she dumped her, and Catra was most certainly not going to do that.

“It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll be fine,” Catra lied again. She was so far from fine it was almost laughable. Because she had managed to trick herself into thinking that she hated Adora over the past two years. She had let herself paint all of her memories with Adora in a new, darker light. But seeing Adora tonight, and kissing her like that, just served to remind her that she didn’t hate Adora at all. No, she was still horribly, stupidly, in love with her.

Across from her, Scorpia nodded, “Okay. Just be careful to not get caught talking to her. You know how angry Weaver gets.”

“Weaver is the least of my problems right now,” Catra rolled her eyes. But it was true. She wasn’t supposed to be talking with anyone from Bright Moon, let alone Adora. Weaver didn’t want anyone in the Horde to talk to other teams. She was probably scared they would figure out how shitty their team actually was and leave.

“Please promise me you’ll be careful, Catra,” Scorpia pleaded with her.

“I can take care of myself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get another drink,” Catra said before standing up and making her way to the bar. She wanted to forget the way Adora had looked at her, as if associating with her at all had been a mistake. She had never felt more worthless or humiliated in her life, and she despised it.

**-First Grade: thirteen years ago, ten years before betrayal-**

_Catra was six when her parents died. She was too young to really understand what happened, but from what the concerned lady who wouldn’t leave her alone was saying it sounded like something happened to their car. Catra didn’t really care about the specifics, all she knew was that she was scared and alone._

_And apparently, she had nowhere to live. She wanted to live in the old people’s home with her abuela, but for some reason that wasn’t an option. Abuela was too old, they said, and she was in no condition to take care of her. Which was ridiculous because the people who were taking care of her abuela should be able to take care of her too, but nobody else seemed to agree._

_Catra spent a lot of time at her neighbor’s house while adults talked and made phone calls and argued around her. She had no idea what it all meant. She didn’t know what a “court appointed guardian” was or what it meant to become a “ward of the state.” All she knew was she wasn’t going to eat her father’s cooking or listen to her mother’s singing ever again._

_At some point, her neighbor led her to her guest room and told her to get some sleep. Catra stared at the ceiling, scared and disoriented. She didn’t know why she couldn’t sleep at home or why she couldn’t see her abuela or why she never got to say goodbye to her parents. It was the first of many sleepless nights she would have as she was moved from house to house. She spent a couple of nights at her neighbor’s house, then she went to a different neighbor’s house. After that, she spent a week at her social worker’s house._

_“Catra, I have wonderful news,” Her social worker announced one night over dinner._

_“What?” Catra said monotonously. She was lost and confused and much too apathetic for her age._

_“We’ve found you a foster family!” The social worker beamed, as if that meant anything to Catra at all._

_Catra put down her fork unenthusiastically. “What’s a foster family?” Would she have to move again? She honestly wouldn’t mind it. The food here was gross and nobody paid attention to her._

_“It’s a group of people who are going to be like your new family,” The social worker explained brightly, “In your case, you’re going to have a new mother and sister.”_

_“A sister?” Catra asked reluctantly. She had never had a sister before, and she wasn’t sure she wanted one. She hadn’t spoken to someone her own age since her parents died, and she honestly wasn’t sure if she remembered how to act around other kids._

_“Yes, a sister! She’s the same age as you. Won’t that be fun?” The social worker babbled, going on and on about how her new mother was a coach for some sport Catra had never heard of but was apparently a big deal and how she was going to get the best education and be set up for success._

_Catra poked at her food aimlessly. She was old enough to understand that she didn’t have a say in this; she was going to move in with the rowing coach and the girl her age no matter what. She just hoped it smelled better than that first house and there were no mean dogs like in the second house._

_“When do I leave?” Catra cut through whatever the woman across from her was saying to ask. It was the only thing that mattered._

_“Tomorrow! Ms. Weaver is so excited to meet you,” The woman enthused, obviously thrilled with the arrangement._

_Catra didn’t sleep that night. She was nervous to meet her new “family.” Would they love her the way her parents did? Or would they think she was a burden like her neighbors and her social worker?_

_The next morning passed by in a haze of packing and driving and next thing she knew Catra was standing on the porch of a large house with her suitcase in hand. The door in front of her opened and Catra instantly knew she did not like this “Weaver” woman. She was tall and wore a long red dress. Her hair was inky black and fell past her shoulders, and she was fixing Catra with a cold, judgemental glare._

_“Ah, hello Ms. Weaver! It’s nice to meet you, we spoke on the phone,” Catra’s social worker said from beside her._

_“Yes. This must be Catra. Please come in,” The woman said with a tone so polite there was no way it was genuine. Catra made her way into the house wearily. Everything was sleek and modern. There was no personality, just shiny counters and meaningless wall art and dark floors. Catra wondered if she actually lived here, or if this was some kind of vacation home._

_“Hello?” A voice came from upstairs. Catra heard the sound of someone running down the stairs, and then was face-to-face with a girl about her age. She was a little taller than Catra and had a skinned knee and blonde hair that was pulled back into a ponytail._

_“Who are you?” Catra demanded with shock._

_“Catra, this is Adora. She’ll be living in the room next to yours,” Ms. Weaver said from behind her, “Adora, dear, why don’t you help her get settled?”_

_“Okay!” Adora smiled at Ms. Weaver before turning to Catra, “Catra is such a cool name by the way! Do you like cats?”_

_“That’s a stupid question. Just because my name is Catra doesn’t mean I have to like cats,” Catra crossed her arms. She did, in fact, love cats, but it was the principle of the thing._

_“Oh, okay. I like cats,” Adora said, looking downcast. Catra did feel kind of bad about making the other girl sad._

_“I like cats too. Just not because my name is Catra,” Catra relented._

_Adora lit up instantly. “Yeah, cats are the best! I have a book about cats in my room! Let me show you.”_

_Catra followed the other girl up the stairs and into one of the rooms. It looked a little more inhabited than the downstairs; Adora had a cute unicorn bedspread and she had a bookshelf full of books and toys. They spent some time looking at Adora’s cat book, and then they played make believe with some of Adora’s stuffed animals. At some point Catra’s social worker came up to say goodbye, but Catra didn’t really care if they left or not. She wanted to spend more time with Adora._

_That night, Ms. Weaver finally managed to tear Catra away from Adora and took her to her own room. The walls were bare and her sheets were pain white. Catra did her best to fall asleep, but it was so silent and her sheets were tucked too tightly into the bed. It didn’t feel like home._

_There was a faint knock at Catra’s door, and then Adora’s voice came from the other side, “Catra? Are you asleep?”_

_Catra got out of bed and opened the door. There was Adora in her pajamas with a stuffed cat in her arms. She looked wide awake, despite Ms. Weaver telling them lights out was an hour ago._

_“Hey, Adora,” Catra greeted, “What are you doing here?”_

_“Can I sleep with you?” Adora asked in a small voice._

_Catra considered the other girl for a few moments. She had never shared a bed with anyone other than her parents before. Would it be weird? Was there even enough room on her bed for both of them?_

_“Please?” Adora added after a few moments of silence, “It’s so quiet and lonely in my room.”_

_“Alright,” Catra motioned the other girl into the room. Adora made a beeline for the bed and curled up under the covers. Catra joined her, leaving some space between them._

_“When I first came here, I couldn’t sleep for a whole week,” Adora said into the silence of Catra’s bedroom._

_“Why not?” Catra asked. She was pretty sure she knew the answer, but it seemed polite._

_“It’s so scary here. At night everything is quiet and dark and in the daytime everything looks so empty. I just want to go home, but I can’t because my parents are gone,” Adora admitted._

_“I’m an orphan, too,” She rolled on her side so she could look at Adora._

_“We have a lot in common,” Adora nodded._

_“What else do we have in common?” Catra looked at Adora, and noticed just how blue her eyes were. Even in the dark the shade was striking._

_“Well, we both like cats, and we’re both here even though we don’t want to be,” Adora mused, “I think having so much in common means we’re going to be friends.”_

_Catra remembered her friends from home. It was mostly the neighborhood kids who would play with her, but she had a few from preschool. She was never going to see them again, either. But maybe Adora would be her new friend. She liked the thought of that._

_“Yeah, I think we’re going to be friends too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rowing Terms:  
> *Lightweight boats are boats with a weight restriction. Depending on where you row it is either based on individual rowers (every rower needs to be under 130) or the average of the boat. Openweights have no weight restriction.  
> *A 2k is the standard length of a race (2 kilometers).  
> *The stroke seat is the first rower in the boat and they set the rhythm. This isn't very important, but if you're curious about the different positions in the boat, [this article](http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/other_sports/rowing/4850246.stm) does a pretty good job explaining. It's a little dramatic but it's factually correct.  
> *Rush is when the people behind the stroke seat don't follow the stroke seat. Catra is saying Lonnie isn't following her rhythm when they race.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed! The first two chapters are a little awkward but then we'll get into the main body of the fic and there will fake dating I promise!! Also I know I asked for constructive criticism in the opening notes and it can be scary to leave a critique in a fic's comments so I really don't mind if you anon message me on [tumblr](https://auspiciousships.tumblr.com/). I will not be offended if you point out issues with my writing :)
> 
> The next chapter should be out around this time next week (hopefully)! Thanks for reading!


	2. June pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this and thinking "there has to be an easier solution to this" or "everyone is really blowing this out of proportion" you're wrong <3 This is obviously the only solution and it's a completely logical reaction :)
> 
> For context (I guess) I'm picturing rowing to be on par with like Olympic swimming in terms of fame. So Catra and Adora would be the equivalent of Michael Phelps; most people know who he is but you don't usually talk/hear about him unless there's major news (like if he was found making out with a teammate at a swimming banquet lol).

**-Freshman Year: Two years ago. Four months, three days after betrayal-**

_Catra glared down at her pre-determined shopping list. Now that she was no longer living with Weaver she had to cook her own dinners. Not that she got any say in what she ate--she received recipes and had to send pictures of her meals to Weaver. One time Catra forgot and she was placed in the B boat for a week._

_Today it looked like all she needed was carrots, a chicken breast, and brown rice. How exciting. Catra’s stomach growled as she strolled past the bakery. She couldn’t remember the last time she had bread. Probably her novice year._

_“Catra?” A voice came from behind her. A very familiar voice. Catra whipped around to find Adora standing there, looking at Catra with wide, surprised eyes._

_“What do you want?” Catra snapped. Catra had successfully avoided Adora for the past four months. She blocked her number, moved in with Scorpia, and kicked Adora off of all of her social media. As far as Catra was concerned, Adora was dead. But now here she was, at her grocery store, because Adora had to choose the one other fucking team in this city._

_“You’re blocking the chicken,” Adora motioned to the freezer behind Catra, “Hi, by the way. Long time no see.”_

_Catra let her eyes scan Adora as the blonde surveyed the chicken. Moving to openweight had done wonders for the other girl. She was more muscular, had apparently grown another inch or two, and even her hair was somehow shinier. To put it plainly, she had somehow managed to get even hotter. Shit._

_“Believe it or not, that was intentional,” Catra crossed her arms, “I don’t associate with competitors.”_

_“I’ve missed you too,” Adora continued conversationally, as if she wasn’t listening to Catra at all. But Catra could see the hurt in the other girl’s eyes. Good. “Are you eating well?”_

_“I can handle myself, Adora. Always have, always will.” Catra’s eyes followed Adora’s motions wearily._ I don’t need you.

_Adora made a frustrated noise before looking at Catra with pleading eyes, “I know. But, you have someone, right? It’s hard to deal with the pressure alone.”_

_“Aw, are you worried about me, Adora? How cute,” Catra drawled sarcastically, “If you must know, I’m dating Lonnie now, so yeah, I have a person.”_

_“You’re dating Lonnie?” Adora asked, clearly surprised._

_“Yeah, what about it?” Catra demanded, now on the defensive. Adora looked almost sad? No, that couldn’t be right. The only reason for Adora to be sad would be if she wanted to date Catra, but she had already established that she didn’t think of Catra like that. So why did Adora care?_

_Adora shrugged as she placed the chicken in her cart, “I thought you didn’t want Lonnie.”_

_The words pierced Catra’s heart like a knife. How_ dare _Adora show up here and bring up_ that _night like it was no big deal. Like she hadn’t strung Catra along with quiet words and light touches just to call her a distraction and leave her all alone. Catra was the one whose life had been shattered into a million pieces and she was going to do whatever she fucking needed to pick them up, thank you very much. Even if it meant settling. Not that that’s what she was doing._

_“Well people don’t always say what they mean, do they?” Catra snarled, trying to hide the tears in her voice. At least Lonnie had stayed. Lonnie’s contract was for three years, as was the standard pro contract length, so Catra knew she wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. It was safe, Lonnie liked her, and they got along well enough._

_“Sometimes people make mistakes, but I find that people usually do their best to tell the truth,” Adora countered, “Although it would help if you let them talk.”_

_“I tried that. Ended up getting completely blindsided and abandoned, so not really planning on doing that again. Thanks for the advice though.”_ And the abandonment issues.

_Adora let out a long, defeated, sigh, “Okay, well if you change your mind I’m here. I’ll always be here for you, Catra.”_

_God, how many years had Catra wanted to hear those words? How many times had she imagined Adora telling her that very phrase in the last year alone? And now here they were, getting thrown at her in the middle of the poultry isle in a throwaway effort to repair a broken friendship. Oh, if only Adora actually meant it. If only Adora cared enough about her to stay._

_“You’re not, though. I don’t know where you think ‘here’ is, but you’re not there. You left, remember?” Catra glared at Adora, trying to convince the other girl to just let the conversation die already._

_“Yeah, but I didn’t go anywhere you can’t follow, if you really wanted to,” Adora returned Catra’s glare with cool, blue eyes, “Bye, Catra. I hope you have a nice season.”_

_And like that, Adora walked away._

**-Present-**

[From: Coach Angella]

>>Adora, please meet me in conference room A at 11.

Adora felt her heart plummet as panic overtook her. That reporter must have published that picture, she knew it. Adora didn’t make a habit of checking sports news--hearing that kind of gossip about yourself was distracting and stressful--so she didn’t know where to check to confirm her suspicion. Adora glanced at the clock. 10:30. At least she wouldn’t have to wait long to hear what Angella had to say. Although, it was weird for Angella to book a conference room for a conversation that could probably wait to be held in her office back at the boathouse.

<<Okay, I’ll be there.

Adora spent fifteen minutes of the next half hour pacing her hotel room nervously. Angella wouldn’t be that mad, would she? There weren’t any explicit rules against associating with people from other teams. Sure, Angella would probably be disappointed, but Adora wasn’t going to get in _trouble,_ was she? If anything, Adora should be worried about Bow and Glimmer finding out. They would be pissed if they knew that after all this time spent on getting over Catra, she had finally caved.

But Catra had looked so hurt last night, and all Adora wanted to do was comfort her. To let her know that she did still care about Catra, even after everything. But she knew that Catra wasn’t going to listen to a word she said. She had hoped that maybe, just maybe, actions would get the message through. 

And honestly, if they had managed to get back to one of their rooms, maybe it would have worked. She would have had Catra, content--or at least calmer--on her bed, and maybe they could actually talk like humans. That was a nice thought. She wondered what Catra was like after sex. Knowing her ex best friend, she probably got cuddly. Adora would give anything to wrap her arms around Catra again.

But they never made it to her room, because of that reporter. Which, in hindsight, Adora should have been expecting. They were in the middle of the lobby during the end-of-season banquet, so of course someone was going to catch them.

Adora remembered the panic that gripped her the moment she heard that flash. She wasn’t scared for herself; sure, she was going to have an awkward conversation with Angella about her sex life that she would rather not have, but Catra was the one who was in danger. Horde contracts had specific clauses about associating with other teams, and Weaver had always been hard on Catra. Adora was sure that whatever her punishment was, Catra’s would be ten times worse.

She glanced at the clock again. 10:45. Might as well go down now, she had nothing better to do. The last thing she wanted was to be late for her disciplinary conversation.

It took a few minutes for Adora to make her way to the conference room. Who would have thought conference room A was at the end of the hallway and not the beginning? But she still made it, and with five minutes to spare.

She opened the door, ready for a talk, when she saw both Angella and Weaver sitting at one end of a comically large table.

“Adora, how nice of you to join us,” Weaver drawled coolly. Adora could feel the color rushing from her face as she realized just how bad this was. As a rule, Angella and Weaver didn’t talk. Ever. So the fact that they were both here, in this room, sitting together seemingly on purpose meant something horrible was happening.

“Coach Weaver, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Adora did her best to keep her voice steady as she sat down on the other side of the table.

“Given the circumstances, we thought it would be appropriate for both of us to talk with you and Catra together,” Angella explained, although she didn’t sound too happy about the arrangement either.

“Oh,” Adora said dumbly, “Catra’s coming too?”

“Naturally,” Weaver smiled wickedly, “How you got messed up with that girl is beyond me, Adora. I expect such behavior from her, of course, but you were always so good at eliminating distractions. I have to say I’m disappointed.”

“Adora is no longer your athlete to discipline,” Angella sent a pointed glare at Weaver.

Adora appreciated Angella standing up for her, but Weaver’s words still hurt like a stab wound. She had spent her entire life being Weaver’s model child, and it was her job to set a good example for everyone else. She needed the approval of others--especially authority figures--like she needed air. No matter how much she wanted to disregard Weaver’s words, she could still hear the way Weaver said “disappointed” echoing in her head.

“My mistake,” Weaver’s voice cut through Adora’s mental spiral. Right, she had to focus. Catra was going to have this much worse than her. She should use this time to convince them it wasn’t Catra’s fault.

“Coach Weaver, please don’t be too hard on Catra. This wasn’t her fault,” Adora started, only to be cut off as Weaver raised a hand.

“I appreciate the attempt, Adora, but I will be the final judge of who's at fault,” Weaver folded her hands neatly on the table, “And judging by the fact that Catra hasn’t even bothered to show up on time, I must assume she is in the wrong.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Adora protested.

“Enough, Adora. Let’s just wait until Catra comes and we can discuss this further,” Angella crossed her arms. Adora nodded and the room descended into silence. Adora went to open her phone, but there were 20 unread notifications from Bow and Glimmer. And counting. Adora watched as they continued to come in.

>>[Glimmer] Adora I stg

>>[Glimmer] I know you’re up

>>[Glimmer] You better not be avoiding us

>>[Bow] Adora we’re here whenever you want to talk

>>[Glimmer] And by whenever 

>>[Glimmer] He

>>[Glimmer] Means

>>[Glimmer] NOW

Adora was not emotionally ready to explain to her friends what had happened last night, so she closed her phone and settled for staring at the wall instead. Time passed by incredibly slowly, inched to a stop, and started going again by the time Catra waltzed into the conference room as if she owned the place.

“What’s up, Weaver? Here to yell at me?” Catra shot Weaver a casual glance as she sat in the seat next to Adora, not sparing Adora or Angella a glance.

“Catra, I know we’ve discussed punctuality before but this is getting ridiculous,” Weaver glared, her posture turning from relaxed to predatory, “Must I remind you that you’re on a _professional_ team now? This isn’t high school.”

Catra shrugged, “Well I apologize for not being on my phone within the last half an hour. Some of us have lives, although I suppose none of you can relate.”

Catra scanned the room, and finally met eyes with Adora. There was no change in the way Catra looked at her, no indication that anything had changed between them last night. Her eyes were still cold and guarded.

“Yes, well we apologize for the short notice,” Angella cleared her throat pointedly, “But we have limited time to address this _situation_ before it spirals out of control. Time is of the essence.”

“It can’t be that bad, can it? I mean, spiraling out of control seems a bit dramatic,” Adora tried hopefully. Was she seriously about to have her first _scandal_ because she kissed her childhood friend?

“This is very serious, especially with the results of the race yesterday,” Angella insisted.

Adora was lost. How did a kiss have anything to do with race results? Unless the headlines were saying something entirely different. “Sorry, but what exactly do you think happened?”

“Let me show you the current headline on Sports Today,” Weaver turned on a projector with a click.

Adora was confronted with the headline: “Star-Crossed Lovers, Heated Hookup, or Foul Play?” Beneath it was a picture of Catra and Adora in the midst of their makeout session, with Catra’s hands laced in Adora’s hair and Adora’s hands firmly on Catra’s hips. Just looking at the picture made Adora think of last night, the way Catra had clung to her as if she never wanted Adora to leave, the needy noises Catra made in the back of her throat, the sheer _desperation_ and adrenaline in the whole encounter. Even now, the memory made Adora feel a familiar heat in her abdomen.

Adora yet again wondered what would have happened if they weren’t interrupted. Adora wouldn’t have progressed things any further in the lobby, but judging by the location of her thigh in that picture, things were definitely on that path. Adora wasn’t sure if she would have been able to convince Catra to move from that spot, especially not to Adora’s room. But she could imagine what would have happened if she did.

This wasn’t the first time Adora had thought about having sex with Catra, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Not now, when Adora knew the taste of her lips and the noises she made. Adora always imagined Catra to be bossy, self-assured, and perhaps a little condescending. Maybe Catra would demand Adora eat her out. Adora liked thinking about that; she could almost imagine the pressure of Catra’s hands as she told Adora to get on her knees, could practically smell Catra’s arousal and hear the noises she would make.

“Adora, are you okay?” Angella’s voice cut through Adora’s train of thought. Which was probably a good thing because Catra was literally sitting _right there_ and obviously wouldn’t be too thrilled if she learned exactly what Adora was thinking about right now. 

“Sorry, I’m just upset,” Adora sighed, “That’s a ridiculous headline! It’s not even close to true. How could they say that? How can anyone believe that?”

Beside her, Catra snorted, “Sounds like this is someone’s first scandal.”

“First scandal or not, this is something both of us are going to have to deal with. Sponsorships are being decided within the next few months, and we can’t have this hanging over our heads,” Angella pointed out.

“So what, we’re going to cover it up?” Catra rolled her eyes, “I hate to break it to you, but the damage is already done. That picture’s never coming down.”

 _The damage is already done,_ Adora thought sadly. How could she have been so stupid? There was no way Catra would ever take her back; not after all these years. If Catra was going to go with her, she would have done so already. Catra had made her choice, and had made it very clear that Adora wasn’t a part of her life anymore. But now they had kissed and Catra was going to live the rest of her life with the knowledge that all this time, Adora had been pining over her, too afraid to do anything about it. There was no way she was fixing this.

“You are correct,” Weaver nodded to Catra, “Which is why we’re not going to cover it up. We’re going to do damage control.”

“Damage control?” Adora echoed blankly. How could they do damage control for this?

“Well, the main issue with your… _relations_ last night is the fact that you haven’t been seen together for two years,” Angella sighed, “That combined with Bright Moon’s upset at the regatta makes it look like there were other forces at work.”

“What does that even mean?” Adora groaned. Angella was great, but sometimes her euphemisms were hard to follow.

“They think you asked me to throw the race in exchange for sex,” Catra said bluntly.

“Seriously? We didn’t even have sex!” Adora wanted to curl up into a ball and die. To have all of her hard work this season be devalued because she kissed her ex best friend was just ridiculous.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is it _looks_ like you had that intention,” Weaver glared at Adora, “That’s enough for the media to jump to conclusions. And jump they did.”

“Okay, so they think the results from one race are off. What’s the big deal? It’s not like it’s going to happen again,” Catra argued, looking at Weaver. Although the way she said that last bit--so definitively, so pointedly--made it feel like it was directed at Adora. That they would never kiss again. Which Adora already knew but, wow, it hurt to hear.

“The big deal is it calls both of your moralities into question. And seeing as you’re both team captains, that hurts our sponsorship opportunities significantly,” Angella explained.

“So what do we do?” Adora asked. The last thing she wanted was to hurt her team because of her mistake. She would do whatever it took to right it.

Weaver’s smile turned from cool and collected to outright predatory, “You two are going to go to the press and tell them you’ve been in a relationship ever since Catra’s breakup with Scorpia, and that you are still in a relationship.”

“What? That’s ridiculous, you can’t make me do that!” Catra protested, her posture changing from relaxed and casual to defensive and territorial, “You have no control over my personal life.”

“Catra, need I remind you that your contract is up for renegotiation at the end of next season?” Weaver leered at Catra, “And you can kiss the captaincy goodbye. Along with the pay raise.”

Catra crossed her arms, “You wouldn’t. You and I both know I’m the only one who has what it takes to be captain. Don’t even pretend like it’s not true.”

“If you’d like to have this argument in front of Adora, by all means be my guest. But I don’t think you want that, do you?” Weaver’s voice was bordering on dangerous. Adora had only heard that tone a few times before, and all when she used to eavesdrop on Weaver scolding Catra when they were kids. She had no idea how Catra withstood it; the very sound sent chills down her spine.

Catra glanced at Adora nervously, as if there was something incriminating in that argument that she didn’t want Adora to pick up on. “Fine. I’ll tell them I dated Adora.”

“Not dated, dating. In order to get the press back on our side, we’re going to have to lean into the childhood lovers story,” Angella corrected.

“No fucking way,” Catra leaned back in her chair and rested her feet on the table purposefully, “Embarassed exes. Take it or leave it.”

Adora could see the way Weaver was seething, the way she was getting angrier every time Catra pushed back. But she didn’t know what to do. Catra wouldn’t listen to her if she told her to back down, and there wasn’t anything she could do to protect Catra from her impending doom. Well, other than--

“I think it’s a good idea. We should do it,” Adora did her best to plaster on a smile. The truth was, she didn’t know if she would be able to take being so close to Catra without actually being with her. She didn’t like the idea of having what she could have had thrown in her face, plastered over magazines and raved about online. But Catra was about to get fired, and Adora couldn’t let that happen. It might be stupid and soft and weak but Adora would always protect Catra.

“What? Adora, you know they can’t make you do this,” Catra turned to look at Adora with concern. Adora took a few moments to look at Catra, and noticed that the other girl didn’t look great. Well, she always looked amazing, but compared to Catra’s normal beauty today she looked run down. Her eyes were dull and had bags under them, her skin was paler than normal, and she looked so tired. She must have been really hungover, which was strange because Adora didn’t remember Catra being all that intoxicated when they were together.

“I know, but they make a good point. I don’t want people thinking I used sex to win a race, and I’m guessing you don’t want people to think you would throw a race for sex. I think it’s the best way to save face,” Adora reasoned.

“You’d rather people think we’re dating?” Catra studied her face for a few moments, as if trying to determine an ulterior motive. Which, as always, Adora didn’t have.

“Yes? That’s way better than being accused of cheating?” Adora looked to Angella for support. Angella just shrugged, equally confused. In what universe was the idea of them dating worse than an actual scandal? Did Catra really hate her that much?

There was an awkward pause as Catra rested her face in her hands and groaned. Then she lifted her head back up and looked to Angella and Weaver. “Fine, I’ll do it. But only if I get to stay team captain.”

“We’ll discuss that later,” Weaver said before shutting down the projector, “For now, you need to work on your story. Angella and I have other matters to attend to, so please take some time to discuss what you’re going to tell the press.”

“We should be back in about an hour. Please don’t leave,” Angella added before standing up and walking out the door. Weaver followed behind her, leaving Catra and Adora alone.

**-Freshman Year: One year ago, Eleven months, fifteen days since leaving-**

_Adora never got over Catra, not really. Sure, she had new friends. She had moved on. Some days she didn’t even think about Catra. But Catra’s absence had left a hole in her life, one so dark and deep that she wasn’t sure if it would ever be filled._

_At first, Adora had assumed it was because of the rejection. She had been crushing on Catra hard, and Catra had rejected her with equal intensity. Not that it was an explicit rejection, but they both knew what_ that _conversation meant. And what Catra’s words the next day meant._

_But you were supposed to get over crushes. That’s what everyone said. You pick yourself up and move on. Sure, you might fantasize over what could have been if things had gone differently--if you had got your act together and made a move sooner--but at the end of the day you found someone else and got over it._

_And, in the best friend sense, Adora had done that. Kind of. She still missed Catra, still yearned for their inside jokes and sarcastic comments. But she had Bow and Glimmer to take her place, not to mention the rest of her teammates. Would life be better with Catra as her friend? Absolutely. But Adora would survive just fine with the way things were._

_But relationships? That’s another story. Adora had never understood sexuality; for her, it had always been Catra. She thought other women were pretty, and she sometimes imagined what it would be like to have sex with them. But nothing compared to the way she felt about Catra._

_She tried dating Glimmer, which resulted in three awkward dates and two awkward attempts at sex. Everyone was happier when they decided to go back to being friends. She spent some time with Perfuma, but it was obvious from the first kiss that it wasn’t meant to be. The only person Adora had had sex with more than twice was Mermista, who was really only in it because she thought Adora was hot. That fling ended relatively quickly when Sea Hawk decided to get his act together and actually ask Mermista out. Adora wasn’t too sad when it was over either._

_But she couldn’t help but think of Catra. Whenever she went on a date, whenever she was in bed with someone, her thoughts drifted to Catra. How would Catra react to what she just said? Would Catra be flirty or play hard to get? Did Catra like that position? Catra was the only person who actually gave her butterflies. Whenever Adora thought about dating someone, no matter how hard she tried to think of someone else, it was Catra. Whenever Adora was alone in her bed, it was Catra she thought about. It had always been._

_Adora stared out of the window of the bus. They were on their way to Nationals, and it was going to be her first Nationals without Catra. She couldn’t help but remember their first regatta; the rush of adrenaline in the middle of the race, the victory of passing the finish line, the look Catra gave her when they realized they had won._

_Adora thought about that look a lot. It was too soft for the intensity of what they had just done. It looked hopeful yet sad, and so vulnerable. Adora could never figure out what it meant, but every time she thought about it it made her heart beat faster and she couldn’t help but smile. She missed that side of Catra the most._

_As she watched the landscape change from the buildings and billboards of the city to open fields and mountains, she let her mind wander back to the first time she realized her feelings for Catra. It was a bit later than she would care to admit; most people had already had crushes come and go years before Adora gained her first and only one._

_She remembered this road. They would take it to Nationals in high school, too. But in high school, Catra would be sitting next to Adora. She would always fall asleep with her head on Adora’s shoulder, and Adora would spend the entire ride trying to be as still as possible so she wouldn’t disturb her friend._

_She remembered how, sophomore year, she was more nervous than usual when Catra started snuggling up against her. She didn’t know what it meant, she just knew that she never wanted Catra to move. She wanted to spend the entire day pressed up against Catra, no matter what strange position Adora had to adopt to make sure Catra didn’t slide off of the seat._

_That regatta had been strange. Everything Catra did, every look, every joke, every casual touch, made Adora feel things she had never felt before. Or, at least, feel things she had never allowed herself to acknowledge before. Now, she can remember feeling those feelings earlier, even as early as middle school. But at the time, it was new and intense and mysterious. It was scary; it made her happy and nervous and confused all at once._

_She remembered sharing a bed with Catra at the hotel room and listening to the other girl’s steady breathing as she slept. It was comforting and familiar, like a fragment of the past. Ever since seventh grade, they had stopped sharing beds. There was an unspoken agreement that it would be weird, that they were too old to be sharing beds without some greater significance behind it. Adora wasn’t quite sure what that significance was, but it was definitely something bigger than friendship._

_That night, she had the urge she had to pull Catra close; to cuddle with her like they used to when they were kids. Catra's hair got messed up as she tossed and turned, but she eventually made herself comfortable in Adora’s arms, with her face buried in the crook of Adora’s neck._

_It wasn’t until they were back home, after winning their category yet again, that Adora realized what those feelings meant. Weaver had stayed behind to go to the end of the year banquet with Hordak--an event that Horde juniors were absolutely not allowed to attend because there was not only alcohol but also an all you can eat buffet--so they were home alone._

_“So, Weaver’s not here,” Catra had said cautiously, as if testing a boundary._

_“I know, it’s weird,” Adora had agreed._

_“Do you want to eat some chocolate?” Catra’s eyes were shining with excitement._

_Adora hadn’t eaten sugar since Lonnie’s birthday party five months ago, where she was allowed to have one mini cupcake. But she missed the taste every day. “Where would we get chocolate?”_

_“Weaver has a secret stash in the cupboard,” Catra motioned to the freezer, “I saw it. It’s behind the spices.”_

_“Are you sure this is a good idea? Won’t she find out?” Adora asked. Even now, she could remember the uncertainty. She didn’t know what would happen if Weaver had caught them with sugar, but she knew it would be horrible._

_“Not if we only eat a few pieces. She hasn’t had any for a few weeks, so she won’t even notice,” Catra had reassured her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. Adora remembered the hopeful look Catra had given her with perfect clarity._

_“Okay, but only if you’re sure we won’t get caught,” Adora agreed._

_Catra grinned wickedly before moving to the cupboard. She opened the door slowly, as if it was somehow booby trapped. It wasn’t. Catra got on her tiptoes to reach for the spices on the top shelf. Her fingers could barely wrap around the bottles and she slowly moved them down. She was definitely struggling._

_“Here, let me help,” Adora suggested, before standing directly behind Catra. There was a centimeter of space between them, and it sparked with nervous energy. Adora got the urge to wrap an arm around Catra’s hip and pull their bodies flush together. She reached for the spices on the top shelf instead._

_“I had it,” Catra huffed, but the other girl let her hands drop as Adora took over. Sure enough, Adora found the bag of Ghirardelli chocolates in the back of the cupboard. She grabbed it at the same time Catra spun around._

_Adora froze as their eyes locked. Catra was right there, her chest mere inches from Adora’s, her lips mere centimeters from her own. Adora had one hand resting on the counter, and it served to box Catra in. Catra didn’t seem to mind though. She was giving Adora that look, the soft, vulnerable, nervous look. Adora couldn’t look away from Catra’s eyes. She was too transfixed._

_And then Catra looked down from Adora’s eyes to her lips. And Adora felt a jolt of something so new and intense she had no name for it. But the way it settled in her lower abdomen reminded her of the way other people had described attraction._

_“Hey, Adora,” Catra had smirked, her signature rasp making Adora weak in the knees. Catra’s eyes flicked up to meet Adora’s again and lingered for a few moments as she licked her lips purposefully. Adora shamelessly let her eyes trace the path of Catra’s tongue. She had never really thought of kissing other people before, but Catra’s lips looked so soft and their bodies were so close and Adora was so screwed._

_“Catra,” Adora had started weakly, not trusting herself to say anything else. Her mind was uselessly looping between_ oh my God how is Catra so hot? _and_ kiss her kiss her kiss her _, with the occasional_ I want to hold her hand and date her and marry her.

_“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give me some chocolate?” Catra smirked again as she shifted her body ever so slightly. Their hips were touching now, and the rest of their bodies might as well have been with the tiny amount of space left between them. A voice in the back of Adora’s head told her Catra didn’t care about the chocolate anymore. Adora didn’t know what to do; she was so out of her element it was terrifying._

_Adora kicked herself as she remembered the moment. It was so obvious that Catra liked her back. If only she had stopped thinking and leaned in. How different would her life be now?_

_But past Adora wasn’t familiar with the idea of regret yet, so she hesitated. She watched Catra’s face fall from her confident smirk to something more unsure. She was still looking at Adora, with eyes intense and determined, but they were more desperate now. Was Catra afraid?_

_“Yeah, do you want some?” Adora had broken the tense silence, before taking a step back and handing the bag to Catra. Catra had frowned at the bag presented to her, as if it had somehow done some wrong, before grabbing it and pulling out a piece of chocolate._

_The moment was gone, and neither of them ever brought it up again._

**-Present-**

“Look, Catra, I really am sorry. If I had known this is what was going to happen, I wouldn’t have done it,” Adora tried again. Maybe if she just said it enough she could get through to Catra. If she had known how much danger it would have put Catra in, she never would have done it.

“Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear, Adora,” Catra snapped, “And I am sorry to have tarnished your perfect reputation. Let’s just figure out our stupid backstory and be done with this.”

“Catra, fake dating you isn’t going to tarnish my reputation in any way,” Adora said with surprise.

Catra looked at her with guarded eyes, “You’re not angry everyone’s going to think you’re dating a girl?”

If Adora was drinking water she would have spit it out. All this time and Catra didn’t even know she was _gay?_ Adora remembered all of the nights spent in each other’s beds, all of the secrets whispered in the dark, all of the times she almost kissed Catra. She remembered _that_ night, senior year, the night she had confessed to Catra in every way except for actually saying the words. She had never considered herself subtle--she had tried to be, but Adora was a realist and she knew deception wasn’t her strong suit--but apparently she was better at hiding her emotions than she thought.

“Well, I’m a lesbian so no not really,” Adora finally settled on saying. She had never given herself that label before, but she had only ever considered being with girls and the only person she was attracted to was a girl and it was better than saying ‘I’m hopelessly in love with you and no one else.’

“Oh,” Catra said awkwardly, “I didn’t know that.”

There was a pause as neither of them knew what to say. Catra looked positively _crushed_ by the new information; her eyes were shining with unshed tears and she was looking determedly at the wall across from them.

“Are you okay?” Adora tried. It was a longshot, she knew that, but the other woman really did look like she was going through a crisis.

“No, I’m not,” Catra pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath, “Let’s just get this over with. Do you still carry a pen on you?”

“Yeah,” Adora nodded before fishing out a pen and notebook from her bag. She liked to be prepared, and you’d be surprised how many times a pen and paper came in handy. Like when you needed to construct a fake backstory with your ex-best friend and current rival who you have to pretend to date even though she hates you for a decision you made two years ago.

Catra grabbed it from her and opened the notebook. “Okay, so step one: how did we reconnect?”

“Why do we have to reconnect? Nobody outside of our teammates knows we… had a falling out,” Adora stumbled on her words. She didn’t know what the correct term for being rejected and then aggressively ghosted by your best friend was, but “a falling out” seemed a bit kind.

Catra stared at her, providing no help. She used to finish Adora’s thoughts or jump in with some new idea, but not now. Now, Adora was floundering on her own and Catra was just watching her.

“Is it too unrealistic to say that we could have stayed friends?” Adora finally asked, voice small.

Catra’s glare softened an almost imperceptible amount. “I guess we could say that. So, we were friends this entire time, and then what?”

“I don’t know! Why don’t you come up with something?” Adora crossed her arms.

“This is _your_ fantasy. Tell me what happens next,” Catra insisted.

“Fine,” Adora closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She thought about what could have happened if they had remained friends. In her dreams, she would have gathered the courage to ask Catra out long before she turned to Lonnie or Scorpia for comfort. But she couldn’t change the past, and having them dating for too long would make their story suspicious.

“Any day now, Adora,” Catra quipped.

“Don’t rush me!” Adora opened her eyes to glare at Catra, but she couldn’t hold the eye contact so she closed them again, “Okay, so we stay friends. And then you date Lonnie and Scorpia, and I stay with you through the whole thing because I’m still your best friend and that’s what friends do.”

“Yeah, okay, I get it. We’re friends. Can you move it along?” Adora could almost see Catra’s raised eyebrow in her mind’s eye.

“Sure. So you break up with Scorpia, which happened when exactly?” Adora’s main source of information about Catra was via Perfuma, who in turn got her information from Scorpia once a week when they went to class together. So she didn’t exactly have a clear timeline of Catra’s love life.

“Three months ago, right at the start of regatta season,” Catra said shortly, obviously not wanting to provide any more information.

“And why did you break up?” She pried. She had never heard the reason; just that Scorpia was the one who had ended it and Scorpia was so torn up she had skipped class for two weeks. It was definitely messy, whatever it was.

“None of your business,” Catra snapped.

Adora sighed, “Catra, in this scenario I would know why you broke up. What if someone asks me and I can’t answer? That’s suspicious.”

“Okay, fine,” Adora could hear the sound of Catra shifting in her seat uncomfortably, “I had feelings for someone else, okay? Scorpia finally got tired of my bullshit and dumped me. End of story.”

“Someone else?” Adora echoed. Who could it possibly be? She wasn’t seeing anyone right now, was she?

“Now _that’s_ none of your business. And she’s also not anyone relevant in this scenario so I don’t have to tell you,” Catra said smugly.

“Okay, so you and Scorpia break up. Because of me?” Adora proposed. It seemed a bit presumptuous to force a crush on fantasy-Catra, but at the end of the day they were supposed to end up dating.

“No. Not everything’s about you.” Catra answered a bit too quickly.

“I wasn’t talking about real life, I was talking about in our story,” Adora opened her eyes so she could roll them.

“Oh, yeah, I guess that would work,” Catra nodded, “So who confesses?”

“I’ve been coming up with this whole thing, how about you decide?”

“Ugh, fine,” Catra pouted, “I get tired of dancing around each other and realize that I can’t get over you, so I suck it up and confess. And you, being the idiot that you are, are absolutely shocked but return my feelings.”

Adora imagined sitting next to Catra on her couch and having the other girl turn to her and say ‘I want to be more than friends.’ She imagined kissing Catra gently and pulling her into a hug before planning their first date. And moving in together. And deciding on names for their future kids. You know, early relationship stuff.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Adora nodded, trying not to smile at the thought, “I’d definitely be too scared to make the first move.”

“Yeah, I know,” Catra said with an amused tone.

There was a silence as every failed confession attempt flashed across Adora’s eyes at once. All of those opportunities to tell Catra how she felt, but she had never been able to work up the courage to do it. If she had known she would lose Catra either way, she would have done things so differently.

“So, how much backstory do we need to have? Do we need like first date information and stuff?” Adora finally settled on saying.

“Probably wouldn’t hurt,” Catra nodded, “So where would you take me for our first date? And don’t you dare say the gym.”

Adora knew exactly where she would take Catra for their first date. That outlook slightly off of the highway, down that twisty mountain road where the locals drove at 45 despite the speed limit of 25. “I haven’t really thought about that. Let me think…”

**-Sophomore Year: Three months ago. One year, nine months, and five days after betrayal-**

_“I’m sorry, Wildcat. I just can’t date someone who wants me to be someone else.”_

_Scorpia’s words looped in Catra’s head as she glared at the boxes on the floor of her new apartment. Everything had happened so quickly; one day, Scorpia was absolutely enamored with her and Catra was moving into the spare drawers in Scorpia’s room and the next she was being dumped? And now Catra couldn’t stay in her old apartment because Scorpia lived there too and that was weird so she had to move._

_And the worst part was, Scorpia was wrong. Catra didn’t want to be with Adora; not anymore. She hated Adora’s guts. But Scorpia wouldn’t drop it. No matter how many times Catra insisted she didn’t care about Adora and liked Scorpia for who Scorpia was, her ex wouldn’t listen to her._

_She supposed it was fair. Catra had always struggled with distinguishing between liking people and liking the idea of them. She had dated Lonnie for almost a year before realizing that she only liked Lonnie because Lonnie liked her. And after that breakup, she got together with Scorpia perhaps a little too quickly. The taller girl was just such a good listener and obviously idolized Catra and made her feel special. All Catra wanted was to feel special._

_But not even Scorpia could deal with Catra. Sure, the other girl had said they could try to be friends again after they gave each other some space and time, but that wasn’t the same. Weaver had always told Catra she was unloveable, and every day Catra was closer and closer to believing her._

_It’s not like there was anything she could do about it, though, so she decided she might as well distract herself by unpacking her boxes. If no one was going to love her, she was just going to have to earn their respect. She was going to be the best rower the Horde had ever seen. Then everyone would regret leaving her._

_She could picture everyone’s eyes on her as she accepted the first place trophy for her boat at Nationals. She thought of how Lonnie would realize she was still into Catra, how Scorpia would regret dumping her. Even Adora would regret leaving her. Catra pictured Adora begging Weaver to let her back onto the team, and Weaver telling her no. Weaver telling her that the Horde no longer needed Adora because they had Catra._

_It felt good, to imagine the way Weaver would finally acknowledge that Catra was the best rower on their team. Her teammates would look up to her and respect her the way they once respected Adora. And Adora would be forced to see that Catra didn’t need her. That Catra never needed her._

_Catra reached into her box again and paused as her fingers brushed up against something soft and fluffy. She pulled it out of the box and saw it was the stuffed cat Adora had given her on her first night at Weaver’s house. Adora had noticed that Catra didn’t have any toys, so she had given Catra one of hers. The memory of sharing a bed with Adora made Catra feel emotions that she very much did not want to feel right now._

_Catra felt tears welling up in her eyes as she cradled the stuffed cat close to her chest. She didn’t understand what was happening to her. She hated Adora, so why did the memory of the first night they met fill her with so much warmth and hope? Why did it make her want to reach out to her ex friend? Why, after all this time, was she still feeling these things?_

_That night, Catra almost broke. She was seconds away from unblocking Adora’s number and calling her. It just hurt so much and she felt so alone. She hated it. She hated how weak she felt. She hated how, even after all this time, Adora still had this effect on her. How after all this time she could still picture Adora’s smile with perfect clarity and could still hear her laughter echoing through her memories._

_Catra didn’t love Adora, not anymore. She wouldn’t let herself feel those emotions. Because Adora left her, and she couldn’t risk being in love with someone who would never love her back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there are any rowing terms in this chapter, but I have a few quick notes:  
> *This isn't how pro rowing works at all; I'm completely making up the whole contracts and rivalries bit. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if there even is professional rowing outside of like the olympic team...  
> *I'm writing Adora as on the ace spectrum (the closest label would be demisexual) but she's sex positive which is why she's had sex before. It's very much like how I pictured her when I wrote And They Were Roommates, but if she had realized she was attracted to women earlier on in the story.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	3. June pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last chapter in June!! Please enjoy Catra being her angsty self :)

**-Present-**

“Thank you for waiting. I trust you have come up with an acceptable story?” Angella said as she opened the door and made her way back into the conference room.

“Yeah, I think we have the basics down,” Adora said before holding up her notepad with notes. It broke Catra’s heart to see words like “first date” and “anniversary” written down on the paper. It was everything Catra had ever wanted, so close yet so far out of her reach.

“Good. I hope you both know the story well, as you’re going to be meeting with the press in thirty minutes,” Weaver announced before turning to glare at Catra, “Do _not_ screw this up.”

“Relax, Weaver, I know it,” Catra did her best to sound nonchalant. It was just so unfair. Adora was in this too, and also perfectly capable of screwing this up. In fact, Adora was probably more likely to blow their cover because she was the worst liar Catra had ever met. But no, if either of them fucked up it would be pinned on Catra.

“I’m sure we’ll do fine,” Adora gave Catra an encouraging smile. Catra suppressed the happiness fluttering in her chest at the expression and fixed the other girl with her best glare.

“ _I’ll_ do fine. Let’s hope _you’ve_ gotten better at lying in these last two years,” Catra shot back. She was not going to let Weaver pin everything on her, not anymore.

“I’m sure Adora will be able to say what needs to be said. If not, Catra, I hope you can jump in and assist her,” Angella said with a nod.

“I got it, Angella. You don’t need to worry about us,” Adora insisted.

“Good. I suggest you two make yourselves presentable. They will be taking pictures,” Weaver crossed her arms and glared yet again at Catra, “Please meet us back here in twenty minutes.”

Catra stood up and left the conference room. She had definitely had too much to drink last night, so it was going to take awhile to make herself look presentable. She had barely made it out the door when she heard Adora’s voice come from behind her: “Catra, wait!”

Catra spun around to face Adora. The other girl was looking at her with a hopeful expression. It didn’t make any sense. Last night Adora was ashamed of associating with her at all, and now she wants to talk?

“What?” Catra snapped.

“Can you unblock my number? If we’re fake dating I’m going to need a way to contact you,” Adora’s smile faltered for a moment before returning to that same wide hopeful grin.

“No. You have Scorpia’s number, don’t you?” Catra rolled her eyes. It was a slippery slope from befriending Adora to being abandoned.

Adora crossed her arms and frowned, “You can’t be serious. I get that you’re mad but I’m not going to start playing telephone with Scorpia every time I need to talk to you.”

“Fine. I’ll unblock you on instagram. If you need something so badly, you can DM me.” Adora opened her mouth to protest, and Catra shot her a pointed glare. “Don’t push your luck. This doesn’t make us friends.

“Um… okay then. See you in a bit, I guess,” Adora ran her fingers through her hair awkwardly before walking towards the elevator. Catra needed to use the elevator too, but there was no way she was getting in with Adora, so she opted to sprint up the stairs instead. What was the point of being a pro athlete if you couldn’t use your athleticism to avoid your fake girlfriend?

**-Two years ago-**

_They sat on an abandoned bench along the race course. Catra had a nasty habit of being an absolute bitch after losing races so the rest of the team gave them space. It was just her, Adora, and that protein bar that Adora was eating that was mostly sugar so Catra was already mentally calculating what she would need to cut from her meals to make up the difference._

_“You wanted to talk,” Catra said after an awkward silence. She wasn’t budging an inch, not after what Adora had said the night before._

_“Yes, we need to talk,” Adora nodded. Cara eyed her as the other girl took an uncharacteristically shaky breath. It was unlike the other girl to be so nervous about something. If Catra wasn’t still pissed, she would have reached over and held the other girl's hand._

_“So start talking,” Catra demanded as Adora’s pause turned into another silence, “I already said my fucking bit.”_ I already did everything short of spill my soul to you.

_Adora looked at her with surprise before taking another deep breath and dropping the biggest bomb on Catra’s entire life. “Catra, I’m signing over to Bright Moon next season.”_

_Wow. Here Catra was, expecting Adora to admit that she had feelings for her too. That they shared a connection more important than friendship, one that transcended teammates. That what she said last night was a lapse in judgement and she didn’t really mean it._

_But no. This entire time, Adora hadn’t even been talking about relationships. She had been talking about leaving Catra, and how she didn’t want to tell Catra until after the race. Because she didn’t even trust Catra enough to tell her before the race. Because she was Catra, emotional, volatile Catra, and there was just no fucking way she would have been able to remain focused on a race after this. After all, Catra lacked Adora’s discipline, didn’t she?_

_“You’re doing_ what?” _Catra demanded through gritted teeth. She glared at Adora, who was apparently planning on just fucking off to their competitor at her first convenience without even bothering to tell her._

_“I’m going to Bright Moon. I just can’t take it here anymore. I can’t take rowing lightweight and starving myself and being pitted against my teammates,” Adora said, firmer this time. So she had already made up her mind. There was nothing Catra was going to be able to do to stop her._

_“You’re leaving me?” Catra asked, hating how small and scared her voice sounded. She couldn’t look Adora in the eyes right now, so she glanced out at the boats doing their warmups on the water._

_“_ No! _No, Catra, I would never leave you! You can come with me,” Adora backtracked desperately, “All you need is to send them your scores and--”_

 _“--And what, Adora? Do you seriously think I have the fucking scores for_ Bright Moon? _Those are_ openweight _scores, and in case you haven’t noticed, I weigh 115 pounds. I could be a fucking coxswain. What in the world makes you think I have the scores they need?” Catra hugged her legs to her chest, as if they would leave her too if she didn’t hold onto them._

_“What? But you have some of the best scores on the team! Weaver was supposed to make sure all of us had competitive scores by the end of this year,” Adora insisted, optimistic and naive as ever._

_Catra hugged her legs tighter, “Well she didn’t. Of course she wanted your scores to be competitive, you have the numbers they post on the website. Some of us don’t have the flashy numbers they use to pull in new recruits. The rest of us just get kicked to the curb.”_

_“But you’ve been doing your 2k tests? Surely you’ve been improving?”_

_“I’ve only done one 2k test this season. Weaver said it was good enough to keep me on the team and told me not to do another one until I signed. It’s how she keeps us.” Catra scoffed. Seriously, how many of Weaver’s manipulation tactics did Adora not know about?_

_“I don’t understand. Catra, you seriously don’t have the scores?” Adora sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Catra still didn’t give her the satisfaction of eye contact._

_Catra sighed, “No, Adora. I don’t have the scores, I don’t have the placements, I don’t have any of it. The only thing I have going for me is my weight, but Bright Moon doesn’t have a lightweight team so they don’t give a shit.”_

_“Oh, Catra,” Adora scooted closer to Catra on the bench. Catra leaned away, “Catra I messed up. I messed up so bad. I didn’t want this.”_

_Like hell she didn’t. If Adora really wanted to stay with Catra, she would have talked to her before doing all of this. Adora didn’t care about her, which meant no one cared about her._

_“Catra, look at me,” Adora pleaded, “I promise this wasn’t my intention at all. We can still work this out if we just talk with each other.”_

_This time Catra turned to look at Adora. She wanted Adora to see the look on her face, see how wrecked the other girl had made her. She wanted Adora to feel what she was feeling, the betrayal, the worthlessness, the helplessness. All of it._

_“Do you even want to work it out, Adora? Because if you cared about me at all you would stay, or at least not go to Bright Moon of all fucking places.”_

_Adora looked back at her with wide eyes. Catra could see the tears forming in the corners, “I can’t stay, Catra. Not now that I know how bad the conditions are here.”_

_“Well then leave,” Catra spat, “Just go. You made your opinion of me fucking clear when you signed onto a team I couldn’t even follow you to without asking me first. I thought we had something, Adora. I thought I could trust you, but you don’t care about me. You never did.”_

**-Present-**

Catra made it back to her room in record time, and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit. Which was fair because she felt like shit. She had been on the verge of tears ever since Weaver suggested that stupid fake dating plan.

She rustled around her luggage hoping that she had thought to pack some concealer as she reflected on the last hour of her life. It had already hurt enough to wake up this morning and remember how Adora had kissed her and then pushed her away, but to see it plastered on a sports magazine? That was a new low, even for her.

And now not only would she have to spend a fair amount of time with the woman who had broken her heart and abandoned her for her shiny new friends, but that woman was going to have to pretend to like her. It would be everything Catra had ever dreamed of. But it would all be fake. Adora was going to smile at her and hold her hand and maybe even steal kisses, but at the end of the day it didn’t change the fact that Adora wasn’t interested in any capacity.

Catra had to establish some boundaries. If she didn’t, she knew she would fall even more in love with Adora than she was already. And she couldn’t risk it. Not after high school. Not after that day.

Then there was Adora. Adora, who was apparently a lesbian. Catra wanted to curl up in a ball and die. These past two years, she had been content lying to herself and insisting that Adora must have been straight. That Adora had left her not because she wasn’t interested in Catra specifically, but because Catra was the wrong gender. Sure, there were some very clear signs that Adora was into women in high school--clear signs that she was at least curious about Catra specifically, if she was being honest--but Catra could easily explain those away when the need arose. But no, Adora was into women. It was just Catra she didn’t like. There was something wrong with Catra herself, something about Catra that made her undesirable. That made her a distraction.

Catra finally got her hand on that concealer and got to work trying to get rid of the bags under her eyes. These pictures were going to be plastered everywhere by tomorrow, so she might as well make them look good. She couldn’t control anything else in her life right now, but she could control this.

She hastily put on some eyeshadow and mascara before looking for an outfit that looked presentable. She didn't have much, just her workout clothes, racing uni, sweatpants and sweatshirt, outfit for the banquet, and a not press conference appropriate outfit that she had planned on taking to a bar tonight. So much for that.

After much deliberation, she decided to go for the clubbing outfit. She knew Adora would be wearing that stupid jacket of hers, so Catra could always steal that. She paused to look at herself in the mirror on the way out: makeup done, hair not a total disaster, and entire midsection out thanks to her crop top. It could be better, but it could definitely be worse.

Catra made her way back to the conference room, where Adora was waiting. With her hair in that stupid ponytail and her stupid jacket on her stupid shoulders. She looked so fucking hot it was unfair.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were going to get all dressed up,” Adora gave Catra a once over and Catra valiantly did not blush at the attention, “Now I feel underdressed.”

“It’s literally fine. Just give me your jacket,” Catra sighed. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Adora looked at her with confusion.

“Your jacket? The one you’re wearing right now? Give it to me,” Catra held her hand out expectantly. 

Adora gave her a strange look but took off her jacket and handed it to Catra. Catra put the jacket on, and she instantly regretted it. It was warm and soft and just a little too big for her. She never wanted to take it off.

“Oh, wow, that looks really good on you,” Adora said with a smile too intimate for their current relationship.

“Save it for the press,” Catra zipped up the jacket to avoid looking at Adora. She had missed that smile more than she cared to admit.

Angella opened the door to the conference room. “Oh good, you’re both here. Everything’s ready, follow me.”

Adora grabbed Catra’s hand before following Angella out of the conference room. As they walked, Angella explained the format of the press conference, but Catra wasn’t listening to her. She was wearing Adora’s jacket and holding Adora’s hand on her way to tell the world that she was dating Adora. What a cruel twist of fate that none of it was real.

They eventually made their way to another, larger conference room. Angella stopped before the doors and gave them a once over. “Now remember, if anyone asks anything too personal you don’t have to answer it. Don’t share more information than you have to and make sure you keep track of everything you tell them. Good luck you two!”

With that, Angella opened the door and they were confronted with camera flashes and people yelling their names. It was times like these that Catra hated being a pro athlete. Sure, she loved the idea that people admired her in theory, but in practice it was loud and bright and annoying.

As if sensing Catra’s discomfort, Adora squeezed her hand gently before leading them to the table at the front of the room. Weaver was also sitting at the table, apparently with the intention of mediating the questions. For once in her life, Catra was actually glad Weaver was there. She was the only person terrifying enough to stop the reporters if they went too far.

Once they got situated and the initial commotion of their entrance had died down, Weaver tapped her microphone to gain everyone’s attention. “Hello, and welcome to this informal press conference. Both Bright Moon and the Horde are glad you could make it. As you’re all aware, last night two of our star athletes were seen together. We would like to allow them to explain their side of the story this afternoon. Catra, if you could start us off?”

Never mind, Catra hated the fact that Weaver was here. “Sure. So what happened last night wasn’t a one-off thing. Adora and I have been dating for two months now. We were actually waiting until after the season to announce it, but _someone_ ,” Catra looked to Adora and did her best to use a playful tone instead of an accusatory one, “got a little excited at the banquet so here we are.”

There was chaos as various reporters tried to ask questions, but Weaver quickly silenced them with a glare. “Adora, is there anything you would like to add?”

“Just that these past two months have been the best two months of my life,” Adora said with a smile. It was obviously strained and fake, but nobody would be able to tell from afar.

“Thank you, Adora. I will now be opening the floor to questions. Let’s begin with the man in the front row,” Weaver surveyed the crowd cooly.

“Thank you. Catra, just three months ago you were dating Scorpia. Care to comment on what led to such a quick change in your love life?”

“Well, first off, that’s not really your business,” Catra glared at the reporter. She had a reputation among reporters for being caustic and she planned on upholding that reputation, “But if you’re really that curious about it, Scorpia and I broke up because I had developed feelings for Adora.”

There were murmurs and the sounds of pencils on paper as Weaver picked the next reporter.

“Adora, how do you feel knowing you broke up Scorpia and Catra?”

Adora laughed sheepishly, “Well, I don’t feel great about it, but I’m glad it happened. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve taken seeing Catra dating someone else.” Catra wondered what her answer would be if she knew she actually _was_ the cause of their breakup.

More camera flashes and murmurs as the next reporter posed their question: “How did you two get together?”

Catra smirked, “Well I was at Adora’s house and we were watching a movie. And I just thought fuck it, you know? So I turned to Adora and told her I had feelings for her, and Adora told me she liked me back. Which was honestly pretty obvious but still good to hear.”

“Really? I don’t think I was that obvious,” Adora protested.

“Babe, you checked me out like all the time,” Catra teased, “Actually, you still do.”

Adora blushed. Like full out, rosy cheeks _blushed_. As if she actually had been caught checking Catra out on the daily. After a few moments, she finally recovered, “Well how can you blame me when there’s such a nice view?”

And _wow_ , Adora was way better at acting than she had been in high school. Like, if Catra didn’t know better, she would have thought Adora was actually flirting with her. She paired the words with a blatant scan of Catra’s body, which would be too much if it was anyone but Adora. For Adora, it was perfectly in character.

The next few questions were standard. They lied about their first date stargazing at a local outlook. They lied about the day they got together. They lied about how frequently they were able to see each other.

“We will be accepting one final question today,” Weaver announced before picking a reporter from the middle of the room.

“Are you two in love?”

“It’s a bit early in the relationship to tell, but I’ve known Catra my entire life,” Adora began before turning to look directly at Catra, “And I’ve never felt so strongly about anyone else. Catra makes my life better.”

Catra felt like she just dunked her head in a bucket of ice water. How can Adora just _say_ stuff like that? With that sincere tone and those intense eyes, too. Catra must have died last night, and now she was in her own personal hell.

“Catra, would you like to answer the question as well?” Weaver prompted.

“Yes, of course,” Catra said before turning back to Adora. Two can play at that game, although Catra had the advantage of actual experience to draw on, “I honestly believe I’ve been in love with Adora my entire life. It just took me awhile to fully realize it.”

It was strange to say those words aloud. Sure, Catra knew they were true, but actually saying them made the whole situation more real. But now Adora’s eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open stupidly. Mission accomplished. Take that, Adora.

Weaver turned back to the crowd, “And with that, I believe we’re done with the questions portion. Thank you again for coming, and please be respectful of our athlete’s privacy.”

With that, the reporters began filing out of the conference room. When they had all left, Weaver turned to them, “I have a few logistics to go over with you two before you’re free to go.”

“Spit it out then,” Catra scowled before moving her hand from its position on top of Adora’s hand. When had they started doing that?

“Angella and I would like the two of you to be seen together in public at least once a month, although twice would be preferable. No infidelity, and this must continue for at least half a year. Understood?”

“Yes, we understand,” Adora nodded dutifully.

“I’ll go ahead and mark the six month date on my calendar,” Catra scowled.

“Thank you. Do be on your best behavior,” Weaver said pointedly before leaving.

“So, public appearances?” Adora turned to Catra hopefully.

Nope. Catra was not doing that today. “Yeah, we’re not talking about that today. DM me in like a week, then we’ll talk.”

Adora looked like she was going to protest, but Catra got up and left before she could give her the chance. She needed to lie down and detangle her feelings for Adora. It wasn’t until she was back in her hotel room that she realized she had never given Adora her jacket back.

**-Second Grade: twelve years ago, nine years before betrayal-**

_Catra had a hard time adjusting back to school. She had missed the last couple of weeks of first grade because of her parents, but they had decided to put her in second grade anyways. She didn’t like her new school. Everything moved too fast and no one else spoke Spanish._

_It’s not that Catra wasn’t fluent in English--she was, thank you very much--but sometimes she forgot her English words. At her old school, pretty much everyone was bilingual. They were supposed to talk in English, but they could help each other out when they forgot how to say something. So when Catra needed to pee but she couldn’t remember how to ask in English, she didn’t hesitate to turn to the other kids at her table._

_“¿Cómo se dice ‘necesito ir al baño’ en inglés?”_

_The other kids at her table looked at her in shock, as if she had just grown a second head or was conjuring the devil._

_“What did you just say?” The boy sitting next to her demanded. He sounded almost offended._

_“Um, how do you say ir al baño in English?” Catra dumbed it down for them._

_“What’s a bano?” The girl sitting across from her asked in an accent so terrible it made Catra wince._

_“El baño. I know it sounds kinda similar to the word in English, I just can’t remember it,” Catra sighed. These kids were going to be no help._

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” The third kid crossed his arms and glared at her, “You sound weird.”_

_“I just have to pee!” Catra yelled with a pout._

_“You forgot the word for_ bathroom?” _The first boy said with a laugh. The other two kids at her table joined in. Catra could feel her face heating up as the other kids laughed at her. Some of the kids from the other tables were looking over at them now. Catra wanted to curl up into a ball and die._

_“Have you never been to school before? How do you not know the word for bathroom?” The girl jeered._

_“I know it, I just forgot,” Catra crossed her arms to defend herself._

_The first kid shook his head, “Yeah right. I bet you’re so stupid you never knew the word.”_

_“I’m not stupid, you’re stupid,” Catra yelled before throwing the marker in her hand at the stupid boy’s face._

_“Miss Jones! Catra just threw a marker!”_

_“And she called me the s-word!”_

_Catra spent the rest of her first day of school in the time out corner. She was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom, so she just held it. She was miserable. She was about to cry. She hated it here. She wanted to go home, not to Ms. Weaver’s house but to her actual house. She wanted to watch TV shows she was definitely too young to be watching with her mom and roughhouse with her dad in their backyard._

_“Catra, do you want to color with me?” Adora’s voice came from behind her. Catra turned around and saw her friend standing there with a coloring book and some crayons. Apparently it was free time._

_“Sure, but I don’t have anything to color,” Catra lamented. She hadn’t thought to bring anything with her when she was banished to the time out corner._

_“That’s okay! We can color the same picture together!” Adora smiled at her. Catra loved it when her friend smiled. It made her look really pretty._

_“What picture are you coloring?” Catra asked, looking at the book in Adora’s hands curiously._

_Adora grabbed a chair by a nearby desk so she could sit across from Catra. “Do you like horses?”_

_Catra shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve never seen one in real life. Aren’t they kinda scary?”_

_“No! They’re so cool! Ms. Weaver let me go horseback riding a few months before you came to live with us. It was so fun!” Adora enthused as she opened the coloring book to reveal an uncolored outline of a unicorn._

_“I still think they’re scary. But unicorns are fun,” Catra declared before picking out a marker and getting to work._

_They colored in silence for a while. Adora was really good at coloring. She was always exactly in the lines and she always put colors that looked good together next to each other. Part of Catra just wanted to watch Adora color the whole thing herself, but that would be weird._

_“Catra, why’d you get put in time out?” Adora asked after a little while._

_“Because I forgot the word for bathroom and the boy next to me called me stupid so I threw my marker at him,” Catra explained reluctantly. It was embarrassing and she didn’t want her new and only friend to think she was scary or mean._

_“You’re not stupid, Catra! He’s just a bully,” Adora insisted, “You’re way smarter than him because you can speak two languages! I bet he doesn’t even know what Spanish is.”_

_“Yeah, I bet you’re right,” Catra laughed._

_“You know, we can ask Miss Jones to change the seating chart so you can sit next to me! I could help you with your English words,” Adora suggested, smiling at the idea._

_“Okay,” Catra nodded._

_“Great! Let’s go now!” Adora said excitedly before grabbing Catra’s hand and walking up to their teacher’s desk. Adora started talking to Miss Jones, but Catra couldn’t stop looking at their hands. She liked holding Adora’s hand. A lot. She never wanted to let go._

_But wasn’t holding hands something people who_ like _liked each other did? Did she_ like _like Adora? Catra thought it over. She really liked Adora’s smile, and she thought Adora’s eyes were the best. And Adora was the fastest runner on the playground and she gave the best hugs and she told the funniest jokes. She liked the way Adora looked out for her when no one else did, and the way Adora sometimes asked her for help when she needed it. Adora made her feel special._

 _Yeah, Catra definitely_ like _liked Adora. She maybe even like_ like _liked her. She might even have a crush on her. Was that a thing? Could girls have crushes on other girls? It must be. Because now that Catra thought about it, she was sure that’s what she was feeling. She had a crush on Adora, and she was going to keep it a secret until the time was right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone: Oh no, how will Adora pretend to be in love with Catra? She's a horrible liar!  
> Adora, ready to legitimately tell Catra her feelings: Don't even worry about it.
> 
> Rowing Terms:  
> *I mentioned this in ch 1 but a 2k is the standard race length. A 2k test is done on the rowing machine (called an erg) which is something you might have seen at a gym and basically measures how good you are at rowing that distance (more or less; it's not a perfect measurement but you don't have to worry about that for the purposes of this fic).  
> *The coxswain is the person who steers the boat and directs the rowers during races. They don't row, so they're lighter and shorter than rowers.
> 
> Another note: I'm not bilingual! I did some research on common bilingual slip ups for that flashback but if you're bilingual and think I should change it in some way feel free to let me know.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Chapters should come out faster now that I'm done with my classes for the semester :)


	4. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Writing a chapter that doesn't take place in June for my fic that spans an entire year? It's more likely than you think. (Although the first present scene is actually in June so I'm kinda cheating)

**-Summer Freshman Year: Two years ago. One month after leaving-**

_ Catra moved out of Weaver’s house and into Scorpia’s apartment exactly two days after returning home from Nationals. Which meant Adora had no time to explain herself and nowhere to live once summer was done. It’s not like Weaver would want to house her anymore, and she was definitely not moving into the apartment she had been planning on sharing with Catra. _

_ Fortunately for her, Glimmer’s apartment had a guest room that wasn’t currently in use. Adora packed all of her belongings--which consisted mostly of workout clothes and a few framed pictures of her and Catra--and moved out two days after Catra. She didn’t even bother saying goodbye to Weaver; as far as she was concerned, Weaver was the reason Catra was suffering. If Adora couldn’t protect Catra from Weaver, the least she could do was hate Weaver in Catra’s stead. _

_ Bow and Glimmer were extremely welcoming and the three of them quickly became inseparable. There was one month between the end of last season and the beginning of practice, and they spent most of it exploring the city, watching movies, and introducing Adora to their favorite restaurants. _

_ And trying to wrestle Adora’s phone from her when it got late and Adora couldn’t bring herself to do anything but try to contact Catra. For the first week, she called Catra three times each day: at lunch (Catra refused to have civil conversations before noon on a good day), after dinner, and before she went to sleep. Eventually, her calls started going straight to voicemail and her texts stopped delivering. She wasn’t friends with Catra on snapchat anymore and she couldn’t see her instagram page. It was as if they had never known each other. _

_ As far as Bow and Glimmer were concerned, Catra was in the wrong and Adora should stop wasting her time on her. They told Adora that Catra wasn’t a true friend and she should have been happy for Adora when she decided to leave. It wasn’t until two weeks in when Adora’s emotions finally caught up to her in its entirety and they found Adora crying on her bedroom floor that they realized the severity of the situation. _

_ “Adora, you’re going to have to let it go at some point. She’s obviously too caught up in her own bullshit to see what she’s missing,” Glimmer had done her best to comfort her as Bow gently extracted Adora’s phone from her grasp. _

_ “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let it go. I love her,” Adora had explained between sobs. _

_ They ate an entire tub of ice cream that night and watched Sharknado to get Adora’s mind off of it. After that, Bow and Glimmer were much more careful in what they said about Catra. _

_ By the time the season had started, Adora was doing better. Not better as in “emotionally stable young adult” but better as in “I haven’t cried about her in over a week which means I’m practically cured Glimmer! You don’t have to worry about me.” She had met some of her new teammates at a pre-season party, and she fit in relatively well. When she was with her new friends, her mind wandered to Catra less. _

_ But now it was the first day of practice, and Adora hadn’t rowed in a boat without Catra since that time Catra got detention sophomore year and Weaver kept her on land for a week. Glimmer was a strong rower and a competent stroke seat, but her back looked different from Catra’s and her rhythm was completely different. It would take some time to adjust. _

_ As they lined up for their first pieces of the season, Adora could feel herself getting irrationally nervous. It was the first practice, so these pieces were more for fun than anything, but Adora could hear her heartbeat thrumming in her ears and it was getting difficult for her to breathe. She had never been this nervous before anything before, not even their races at Nationals. _

_ As Adora frantically tried to figure out why she was so upset, she remembered all the questions Catra had asked her before they started. The other girl had a seemingly endless list of questions to ask Adora before stressful events. They were always just weird enough to distract Adora but just interesting enough to spark an actual discussion. _

_ “Glimmer,” Adora tapped her friend on the shoulder. The other boats were still lining up so there was some time before they began, “Can you ask me a question?” _

_ Glimmer gave her a strange look, “What kind of question?” _

_ “I don’t know, like a hypothetical question,” Adora shrugged, “Something to keep my mind off of the pieces.” _

_ “Why?” Glimmer looked confused. _

_ Adora sighed, “She used to ask me questions to distract me. It calms me down.” _

_ “Oh, okay,” Glimmer thought for a few moments, “What’s your favorite TV show?” _

_ “No, it has to be deeper than that,” Adora shook her head, “It has to make me think. Like, ‘if you could have any superpower, what would you choose?’ or ‘who would win in a fight between Weaver and Hordak?’” _

_ “Okay, what superpower would you have then?” Glimmer asked. _

_ Adora groaned, “I already answered that on though! It needs to be new.” _

_ “Geez, Adora, you’re really putting me on the sport here, you know,” Glimmer said, “Um… Oh! Do you think Pluto should be classified as a planet?” _

_ It wasn’t the same as when Catra asked her a question, but she could tell Glimmer was really trying. She appreciated the effort, even if she could feel a pang of nostalgia rush through her. _

_ “Of course Pluto should be considered a planet! I’m still not over how they gave it planetary status just to take it away!” _

_ “I know right? Bow keeps on telling me I need to get over it, but I’m still angry. How could they just say it’s not a planet? Poor Pluto probably feels all alone,” Glimmer enthused. _

_ “That happened over ten years ago,” Entrapta informed them from the coxswains seat, “And, scientifically speaking, Pluto shouldn’t be a planet.” _

_ “But Pluto  _ deserves _ it!” Glimmer insisted passionately. Adora laughed, remembering all the heated debates she would get into with Catra about the best superhero or the correct ordering of milk and cereal (Catra did milk first like some heathen). _

_ “Ready all crews!” Angella called from the coaches’ launch. _

_ They sat at attention, and on Angella’s command they started the piece. It wasn’t the same as all those times Adora rowed behind Catra. Adora trusted Catra implicitly; she knew exactly how to follow her rhythm and she knew Catra would do what was right for the boat. Adora knew Glimmer was a talented stroke seat in her own right, but there was some disconnect there. It would take time for them to adjust and they all knew it. _

_ That evening, Adora caved and called Catra again for the first time in two weeks. The Horde also started practice today. Adora wondered if her absence impacted Catra as much as Catra did her. Probably not. Catra had always been the independent one of the two, and while Adora loved to play the hero, she knew deep down that Catra had never needed her protection. _

_ As always, the call went straight to voicemail. Adora didn’t leave a message. _

**-Present-**

“So, Adora, care to explain why there are pictures of you and Catra making out on every major news source?” Glimmer said in lieu of a greeting as Adora opened the door to her room.

“And why you didn’t tell us about this last night,” Bow added as the duo stepped inside. They made themselves comfortable on Adora’s bed, and Adora settled for sitting in the desk chair.

“Okay, so I can explain,” Adora started before realizing that she really couldn’t explain all that well, “Well, maybe not  _ explain,  _ but I can try.”

The pair looked at her, unimpressed.

“Alright, fine,” Adora sighed, “So last night I went to the bathroom, right? And I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of those sponsors pretending like I single handedly dismantled the Horde so I took the long way around, and I saw Catra sitting in the lobby. And while I would love to say that I was the bigger person and just walked away, that’s not what happened.”

“You just couldn’t resist, could you?” Glimmer rolled her eyes.

“Okay, you saw her last night. Can you blame me?” She gave her friend a pointed look.

“You always say that. Catra could have shown up in a trash bag and you would still be tripping all over yourself,” Glimmer protested.

“So I had a moment of weakness and went over to talk to her. Just to talk,” Adora continued, ignoring Glimmer’s comment. Even though it was true.

“Yeah, I think everyone else would disagree with that statement,” Bow argued.

Adora groaned, “I promise I went over there to talk! And it started out normal. She insulted me and I tried to convince her to come with me, just like every other conversation we’ve had in the past two years. And anyways, then she accused me of not caring about her, which we all know is a lie.”

“I will never understand that woman.” Glimmer shook her head sadly.

“So obviously I told her I cared about her! And then she said ‘prove it.’” Adora made an exasperated motion, “So what else was I supposed to do but kiss her? That’s like,  _ the  _ most sexually loaded phrase behind ‘make me.’ There’s literally no other way to respond to that.”

“I mean you could have tried explaining your side of the story,” Bow reminded her gently, “But kissing works too, I guess.”

“Was she a good kisser?” Glimmer asked.

Adora threw her head back and groaned dramatically, “Oh my god she’s  _ such  _ a good kisser. It was literally the best makeout session I’ve ever had. I’m so screwed it’s not even funny. I don’t think I can ever kiss anyone ever again.”

“Are you saying I’m a bad kisser?” Glimmer demanded with mock offense.

“Before last night I would have said you’re a good kisser, but your skills just don’t compare to Catra’s.” The worst part was, Adora wasn’t even exaggerating. She had genuinely never enjoyed kissing someone that much.

“Okay, Adora, let’s take a deep breath,” Bow instructed, “I’m sure you’ll find someone else who's as good of a kisser someday. Just give it time.”

“I gave it two years, Bow. If I was going to find someone else, don’t you think it would have happened by now?”

“Not necessarily,” Bow shook his head, “Especially for you. It takes you a while to develop any sort of feelings for other people. I wouldn’t be surprised if in a few years from now you didn’t develop feelings for someone new.”

“But I don’t  _ want  _ to have feelings for anyone else. I want Catra,” Adora insisted.

Glimmer sighed. They’d had this conversation multiple times, and it always ended with Adora insisting she didn’t want anyone else. “Okay, so you kissed Catra. And really got into it, by the looks of it. I mean, is that really your--”

“--Yes that is really my thigh there. And yes, I know it’s really bad. Please don’t rub it in.” Adora pinched the bridge of her nose. She needed a large dose of melatonin and a nap.

“But all that and you still didn’t get laid?” Glimmer tilted her head to the side.

“No, because as you can clearly see we got interrupted by the press. And then I had a moment of clarity and realized how bad this would look for her so I left,” Adora explained.

“Do you think she wanted to keep going?” Bow leaned forward slightly. For someone who claimed to not like the way drama pitted friends against each other, he was definitely invested in this.

Adora scoffed, “Obviously not! She hates me and she had just gotten caught making out with me. There’s no way she wanted to continue.” There was a period of time that--in hindsight--Adora was pretty sure Catra reciprocated her feelings, but as far as she could tell those feelings had fizzled out by the end of senior year. There was definitely nothing there now.

There was a ding as Glimmer’s phone screen lit up. Glimmer looked at her screen and raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, Adora?” She started as she opened her phone.

“Yeah, what’s up Glim?” Adora replied conversationally.

“Why did I just learn you’ve been dating Catra for three months from Sports Gossip Magazine?”

“You’ve been  _ what? _ ” Bow leaned over and started reading over Glimmer’s shoulder.

“No, I haven’t! I didn’t finish my story, okay?” Adora took a deep breath, “So, as you know, it was a huge story this morning and I was being accused of bribing Catra with sex--”

“--That is a brilliant move, by the way. We win and you finally get the girl. Too bad we didn’t think of it before the press did,” Glimmer lamented, sounding genuinely upset.

Adora crossed her arms, “It is not a ‘brilliant move,’ Glimmer, it’s prostitution and morally unsound. And, more importantly, frowned upon in the sponsors department.”

“Not to mention the emotional damage having casual sex with Catra would have on Adora,” Bow added. 

“Yeah, that too. Anyways, Angella and Weaver were obviously not thrilled with that, so they decided to cover up by announcing that we were dating. And I’d rather die than have people think I bribed by ex best friend with sex and Catra has a contract renegotiation up so we agreed. So yeah, I’m fake dating Catra now,” Adora ended her explanation with a confused  _ I don’t know what the fuck to do  _ motion.

“Oh, Adora, I am so sorry. You’re so fucked,” Glimmer said sympathetically. All Adora could do was nod in agreement.

**-Freshman Year: One year ago, Eleven months, thirteen days since leaving-**

_ Adora was putting the riggers on her boat when she saw her. She froze as emotions rushed through her: longing and fear and regret and attraction and nostalgia. Adora had missed that beautiful scowl she had on her face more than she would have ever thought possible. She yearned to run her hands through that wild, dark hair that wasn’t yet tied up in a ponytail.  _

_ Adora let her eyes linger as she walked across the field all the teams were setting their boats up on. Oh, how she had missed the way she walked. With so much confidence and purpose, like she had places to be and people to yell at. And she probably did. Adora had heard that she was appointed the Horde’s team captain, and she didn’t pity whoever the captain was pissed at. Although, she had always been hot when she was yelling at people. She always wore authority so distractingly well. _

_ But wait, was she walking in her direction? She was getting really close now. A little too close for comfort. Was she here to talk to her? _

_ “Catra!” Adora half-yelled, somehow managing to sound both terrified and relieved. Beside her, Glimmer’s eyes widened in surprise. Adora talked about Catra a lot (some would say too much), but none of her Bright Moon friends had ever met her. _

_ Catra raised an eyebrow at her before pointedly turning to face Glimmer, “Sparkles, what the fuck are you doing here?” _

_ “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met before. My name’s actually Glimmer, and as you can see I’m rigging a boat,” Glimmer narrowed her eyes. _

_ Catra crossed her arms, “Don’t play dumb with me. Why are you rigging a boat in our space?” _

_ “Because that’s where we put the boat,” Glimmer shot back. _

_ “Look, Glitter, I know Bright Moon isn’t big on manners or morals or whatever but you can’t just put your boats wherever you want. There are lines for a reason, you know.” Catra still refused to make eye contact with Adora. _

_ “It’s _ Glimmer.  _ And I’m not the one you should be talking to about this. Boat placement is Adora’s job,” Glimmer motioned to Adora smugly. _

_ “Oh is it?” Catra finally turned to fix Adora with a piercing glare. Adora felt her legs turn to jello. _

_ “Yes?” Adora smiled sheepishly. Last time they had spoken things had not gone according to plan, and the furious expression Catra was fixing her with led her to believe today wasn’t going to go any better. _

_ “Is that a question?” Catra looked unimpressed. _

_ “Um…” Adora stammered. She had devoted a fair amount of her free time to thinking about how attractive Catra was, but memories just didn’t do it justice. She could spend the rest of her life staring at those eyes, no matter how cold and guarded they were. _

_ “Eloquent as ever, I see,” Catra scoffed, “Look, can you just move the boat back over to your side of the line?” _

_ Adora could easily do that, but Catra was standing _ right there  _ and if she said yes she would walk away. “No, we’re already set up here. Surely you’re not that pressed for space.” _

_ “Are you shitting me? It’s literally five feet to your side. I can see open boat space from here,” Catra snapped. So maybe not Adora’s best plan, but she hadn’t walked away yet. _

_ “We’ve already set up our boat, and the riggers are loose. Moving it would be a hassle.” Adora squared her shoulders proudly. Catra wasn’t the only team captain here. _

_ “So you’re telling me you and Shimmer here can’t move a boat five feet? How embarrassing for you.” _

_ “It’s Glimmer, asshole,” Glimmer was doing her best to look menacing. It failed in comparison to Catra. _

_ “If it’s only five feet why are you making such a big deal out of it?” Adora ignored Catra’s insult, “Maybe you just wanted to talk to me.” _

_ “Trust me, the  _ last  _ thing I want to be doing right now is talking to you two idiots. I just need you to get back on your side, and then we can forget this unfortunate conversation ever happened,” Adora could see Catra gripping her upper arms tightly. That had always been one of Catra’s habits; it helped Adora know when she was about to snap. Back in high school, she would let her nails grow out and would sometimes end up pricking herself when she got really upset. It looked like her nails were shorter now. _

_ “I want to talk to you,” Adora said quietly. It was out of place and she doubted it would do anything to calm her former friend down, but it was worth a shot. _

_ “Just shut up and move your fucking boat. It’s not that hard.” So Adora may have slightly miscalculated exactly how pissed Catra currently was.  _

_ “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, Catra. It was my mistake, I didn’t think--” _

_ “--No, you didn’t think, did you, Adora? You know, sometimes the decisions you make have actual real-world impacts. Not that you’d stop and think about them enough to figure that out,” Catra interrupted. _

_ “Oh shut the fuck up, it’s one boat. Why are you being so dramatic?” Glimmer butted in. Adora was glad her teammate had some sort of response, because all Adora could do was stand there in shock. What did Catra mean, she didn’t think about the impact of her actions? Did her leaving have some other effect that she didn’t know about? _

_ “I give up. If you’re not going to do this one simple thing, fine. Whatever. I don’t even care anymore. We’ll just rearrange our entire section for you. Because you’re so special.” Catra spat before storming off. Adora felt a fresh wave of guilt at the word choice. Weaver had always called her special, and while Catra had always insisted it didn’t bother her, Adora had always suspected it did. That was just confirmation. _

_ “Wow,  _ that’s _ Catra?” Glimmer looked to Adora with shock, “She was a total bitch.” _

_ “Yeah, she can get like that,” Adora agreed, “Usually not to me, but I guess things are different now.” _

_ She turned back to the boat sadly. Catra was never mean to her when they were kids. Sure, she teased her sometimes, but nothing actually cruel. But everything she had said today was targeted and purposeful. Catra had wanted to hurt Adora. Adora found herself struggling to hold back tears at the realization that Catra didn’t care about her anymore. _

_ “Oh, Adora,” Glimmer said sympathetically after a few moments, “You’re still not over her, are you?” _

_ “What? No, I’m totally over her,” Adora lied as casually as possible, “Catra? Who’s Catra? I’ve never had a crush on anyone named Catra.” _

_ “Adora, it’s okay. It’s going to take time,” Glimmer sighed, “And I know your situation is especially messy. But you can’t just let her walk up to you and insult you like that.” _

_ “Why not? It’s my fault. I decided to leave and my feelings for her obviously made her uncomfortable. She needs to vent,” Adora lamented. Because Catra was right. If only she had thought through her decision to leave a bit more, this entire situation could be avoided. _

_ Glimmer shook her head, “No, Adora, you did the right thing. The Horde is a toxic environment. You needed to get out. It’s not your fault Catra didn’t come with you. My mom would have taken her if she had actually bothered to ask.” _

_ “But I just want her to talk to me. I miss her so much it hurts,” Adora had given up on trying to work on this boat. There was no way she could focus after Catra had been so close to her, “I don’t care if she’s insulting me. I just want to hear her voice again.” _

_ “Adora, you deserve so much better. So _ , so  _ much better. You deserve someone who isn’t going to use you as her own personal punching bag every time she gets upset,” Glimmer patted Adora on the shoulder. _

_ “I know I do, I just need her in my life,” Adora admitted. _

**-Present-**

It was the postseason exhibition regatta. Which Adora hated with a passion. For one thing, it was one week after Nationals, which meant nobody actually had enough time to properly recover. It was also “casual” which meant that coaches used it to race lineups that they didn’t get to race at Nationals. Which sounded fun in theory, but it usually meant the lineups weren’t as good. And a bad lineup meant a miserable race.

At least this season Angella had taken pity on her and she was only in one race; a quad with Glimmer, Bow, and Sea Hawk. It could be much worse, although she was worried Sea Hawk was going to crash the boat halfway through. She did enjoy rowing with Bow when the chance arose, though.

The three of them were currently setting up the boats for the earlier races. Their race wasn’t until the afternoon, so most of their morning would be spent running around tightening riggers and sticking racing numbers on the bows of boats. Very riveting stuff. At least it got Adora’s mind off of her current set of issues.

“Oh my god, Catra incoming,” Glimmer whispered as she handed Bow a wrench. Adora looked up and, sure enough, Catra was walking towards them with purpose. At least she didn’t look out for blood.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra greeted with a smile too sweet to be genuine.

“Hi, Catra. What are you doing here?” Adora asked. Catra did her best to avoid Adora at regattas unless it was to yell at her for encroaching on the Horde’s space. Adora had made it a habit to set up their boats over the lines so she could see the other girl, but she hadn’t this time. All of their boats were in the proper places.

“Do I need a reason to say hi to my girlfriend?” Catra said with a smile and a pointed glance to the various onlookers who had definitely stopped to watch them.

“Shit,” Adora mumbled just loud enough for Catra to hear. It’s not that she had forgotten she was fake dating Catra, but it was something she actively tried to avoid thinking about. It hurt so much more to think about how the only reason Catra was willing to talk to her was because she was required to. At least with the boats Catra could have chosen not to talk to her.

“Or did you forget about me already?” Catra said with an amused tone, her smile giving way to something more genuine and teasing.

Adora did her best to smile back, “Of course I didn’t forget about you, babe! You just took me by surprise, that’s all.”

There was an awkward silence, broken by Glimmer’s pointed whisper, “For the love of god hug or kiss or something. You guys look like you hate each other.”

Right. A hug. Adora could do that. She stepped forward, and Catra met her halfway in an embrace. They clung to each other, and for a few moments everything was right with the world. Catra was here, warm and soft and loving. Just as things should be. Adora felt Catra rest her forehead in the crook of her neck.

When they separated, Catra stood to Adora’s side and let her hand gently ghost down Adora’s arm before grabbing her hand. Adora looked down at their joined hands for a few moments before interlacing their fingers. When she looked back up, Catra was looking at her with shock.

Bow cleared his throat, “So, Catra, how are things with you?”

“Just peachy.”  _ Wow, she’s going through some shit.  _ “Couldn’t ask for a better team. Or a better girlfriend, right princess?”

The high school nickname took her off guard. ‘Babe’ was neutral and impersonal, but ‘princess’ held significance. It seemed so deliberate, as if Catra had actually thought about what she would call Adora if they were dating. Adora would be lying if she said she had never pictured Catra calling her princess in a romantic--or sexual--way, but to know Catra had apparently thought that too was overwhelming.

“I don’t know. I’d say of the two of us you’re the better girlfriend, Cat,” Adora smirked. She hadn’t been able to get away with calling her Cat since seventh grade.

“You’re such a flirt,” Catra shot Adora a strained smile, but left their hands intertwined, “If I didn’t know better, I would think you actually liked me.”

Her tone was playful, as if they were two lovers teasing each other. But Adora knew Catra. She knew the question she was actually asking:  _ do you still love me? _ And the answer would always be yes.

“I do actually like you,” Adora looked at Catra with as much sincerity as she could muster, “I like you so much it hurts.”

There was a pause where everyone in their group stared at Adora with shock. Glimmer and Bow looked almost impressed, which made sense. It wasn’t often that Adora was this direct. Catra was looking at her with an expression that was much closer to disbelief, as if it was impossible for Adora to be in love with Catra.

“Well I like you more,” Catra finally recovered. Of course Catra would turn liking each other into a competition. Of course Adora would find that attractive.

“That’s hard to believe. You’re literally my favorite person,” Adora shot back, not to be outdone.

Catra rolled her eyes, “You say that like you’re not  _ my  _ favorite person, princess.”

The nickname yet again sent nervous energy coursing through Adora’s body. She could feel her heartbeat pick up ever so slightly. She hoped she wasn’t blushing.

“Oh shut up, Cat,” Adora angled her body so they were facing each other and shoved Catra’s shoulder playfully. It didn’t have the same effect when they were holding hands, but Catra still laughed. Adora had forgotten how much she loved that laugh.

“Make me, princess,” Catra shoved Adora back with her free hand. Adora took a step forward to catch her balance, and they were much more in each other’s personal space than they should be. They both stared at each other, unwilling to back away.

Adora hesitated, “Do you really want me to?”

“Do I want you to what?” Catra played dumb as she took a tiny step forward and angled her head up ever so slightly. Their foreheads were almost touching now, but their only point of contact remained their joined hands. Adora wanted to close the gap between them more than she’d ever wanted anything.

“You know, shut you up,” Adora whispered. She knew this was fake, but it seemed as if she had just crossed a line. Catra had told Weaver they would never kiss again, and here she was practically begging Catra to let her kiss her.

Catra glanced at Adora’s lips for a tense moment before mumbling, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Adora shamelessly watched the way Catra’s lips moved as she spoke. She remembered the last time she had kissed Catra; how soft her lips were, how easily she moved against her, how distinct her chapstick had tasted. She wanted to kiss her again. No, she  _ needed  _ to kiss her again.

“Damn! Get a room you two!” A call came from the Horde’s boats. Adora turned to see a tall rower with long white hair and sharp features grinning at them. They looked new.

Catra flipped them off, “DT, don’t you have a boat to rig?”

The rower gave Catra a cheesy salute, “Yes, Captain, I’ll get back to work right away! Oh, and do be sure to use protection, you two.”

There was a silence as the group watched DT walk away. At some point, Catra had stepped away from Adora and dropped their hands. The moment was obviously lost, although Adora was shocked they’d had a moment at all. She was pretty sure her unspoken agreement with Catra included no moments.

Bow cleared his throat again, “So, Catra, do you want to come back to the hospitality tent with us? We only have one more boat to rig and it looks like Mermista and Perfuma are already working on it.”

Catra looked at Bow with surprise for a moment before responding, “Nah, I’m good. I have to go check on my boats anyways. With my luck Kyle accidentally bucket rigged everything again.”

“Should I come with you?” Adora asked with uncertainty. Catra was the one who had sought her out, so Adora didn’t really know what her goals for this encounter were.

“No, enjoy your time with your beloved team, princess,” Catra shook her head before stepping forward and kissing Adora on the cheek lightly, “See you later.”

Adora watched Catra walk away in a daze before realizing she hadn’t said goodbye herself. Bow and Glimmer had also noticed this, and were giving her pointed looks.

“Bye, Cat,” Adora yelled once she had finally recovered. Catra turned around and gave her a smug look for a few seconds before continuing her walk back over to her own side.

Adora watched Catra walk away and Bow and Glimmer had an entire conversation using only their facial expressions. It usually annoyed Adora when they did that, but she could still feel the ghost of Catra’s lips on her cheek so she couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Well, you two definitely have chemistry,” Glimmer finally declared.

“Had,” Adora corrected, “Now we’re just pretending like it’s still high school.”

“I don’t know, Catra seemed pretty into it to me,” Bow shrugged.

“Yeah, it really looked like she was about to kiss you,” Glimmer added with a nod.

Adora shook her head, “Being willing to kiss me and actually loving me the way I love her are two extremely different things. We’ll never have what we had in high school.”

“Maybe not,” Bow agreed, “But that doesn’t mean you two can’t rebuild something entirely new.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not over the whole Pluto thing tbh...
> 
> Rowing Terms:  
> *Rigging is the metal parts that stick out of the boat and hold the oar. They come off so it's easier to transport the boat, so a lot of pre-race activities involve putting the riggers back on so you can actually race.  
> *In the same vein, bucket rigging is a type of rigging. You can move the riggers around which changes what side the oar that person is using sticks out on (I won't go too into detail but most people prefer their oar sticking out on one side over another, like I always preferred starboard). Usually these alternate, but with bucket rigging you put two riggers on the same side in a row (so instead of left right left right you would have left right right left). This helps with rhythm issues usually. Basically Catra's saying Kyle probably set up the boats incorrectly.  
> *A quad is a boat that has four rowers and all the rowers have two oars. This is different than a four (which has four rowers and every rower has one oar) and an eight (which has eight rowers and each rower has one oar). Quads don't have a coxswain so the person at the end of the boat has to steer as you race (don't ask me why that's just the convention).  
> *Rowing is traditionally separated by gender, so the only time people row with the opposite gender is for fun (which further cements rowing as a gay sport in my mind because what straight girl signs up to spend three hours each day surrounded by muscular women?)
> 
> Again, with my break I have literally nothing to do but write fanfiction so you'll probably be seeing quite a few updates these next two weeks :)


	5. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adora gains a little bit of backbone, Catra makes an attempt at self-reflection and I describe racing in an extremely dramatic and self-indulgent way.

**-Present-**

Catra had exactly one conversation with someone about her fake dating situation, and it was with Scorpia and consisted of four statements:

_“Congratulations, Wildcat! I heard about you and Adora. I’m so glad you finally worked that out.”_

_“Yeah, that’s fake. Weaver’s making me do it. I still hate her guts.”_

_“Oh, Catra, that’s not healthy.”_

_“Do you think I care? Let’s just get that book you need.”_

Needless to say, Catra was not adjusting to her new relationship status well. So when she got a notification for instagram, she practically dropped her phone. She stared at the notification on her home screen.

[From: AdOARa] Hey, thanks for saying hi…

[From: AdOARa] So I was wondering if you maybe wanted…

What should she do? Should she open it now? Surely not. The last thing she needed was Adora knowing how often she thought about her. She should wait for a couple of hours.

So Catra set to work cleaning her kitchen. She washed the buildup of dishes in the sink and then dried everything and put them back in the right place. She sprayed her counters and re-organized her fridge. She checked back at her phone. It had only been half an hour. Still too soon to open Adora’s message.

Next, she folded her laundry. And when that took shorter than she expected, she changed the sheets on her bed. She glanced back at her phone. A little more than an hour. She should wait longer.

She sat down and started her essay for her art history class. She was still an undeclared major--she still had a lot of time to decide because she was only a part time student--but she had always enjoyed art. Not that she was any good at it; Weaver had been big on Catra becoming an engineer, so she never had access to art supplies. Now that she lived on her own, she doodled occasionally. It was usually vague figures with proud postures and flowing hair pulled back in a ponytail. She never drew faces.

After reading two sources for her paper and writing her introduction, Catra finally caved and opened her phone. It had been about two and a half hours. That seemed like an acceptable amount of time.

>>Hey, thanks for saying hi the other day! I had a lot of fun :)

>>So I was wondering if you maybe wanted to do something together soon? We’re supposed to be seen together in public, but we still haven’t been on a “date.”

And then, two hours later:

>>Not that I’m asking you on a date lol. Purely professional.

Catra felt a pang of guilt rush through her. Obviously making Adora wait had stressed her out. She pictured Adora pacing her apartment, freaking out because she thought Catra would misinterpret her intentions. It would be endearing, if she wasn’t so desperate to clarify that they had nothing close to a romantic relationship.

<<ofc i said hi it would have been so weird if i just ignored you

<<idiot

<<and yea we can do something soon if you want

Catra reread her messages a few times. Was the first one too eager? The last thing she needed was Adora catching on to the fact that she still had feelings. She had already been rejected (twice now, actually), so it would just make everything more awkward.

>>Great!

>>Do you have anything in mind?

Adora responded almost immediately. She had always been quick to respond to Catra. Catra decided it was probably okay to respond faster now.

<<idk you brought it up

>>You’re really making me do all the work here, aren’t you?

<<yup

>>Okay

>>Do you want to see a movie?

<<see a movie?

<<way to be unoriginal

There was a gap in response this time. Catra read over her last texts. Perhaps they had been a bit too harsh. Back in high school, Adora would have known not to take it personally. Now, though, it probably felt like Catra was actually insulting her. Oh well, too late to take it back now.

>>Sorry

>>I just thought you’d be more comfortable with something like that

<<why?

>>We wouldn’t really have to talk…

Catra could practically _see_ the hurt on her face, like the first time Catra had said Adora didn’t care about her. Catra took a deep breath. Adora was clearly trying to rekindle their old friendship. Catra had two options: keep on holding her at an arm’s length away so she didn’t get any more attached than she already was, or try to be her friend again and pine for all eternity.

Catra was so tired. She was so tired of being in love with her friend. The emotional toll of her childhood bore down on her. She couldn’t do that again. She had to do her best to keep her distance, no matter how much it would hurt. It would be better for both of them in the long run.

<<oh ig

<<is there anything good on rn?

>>They’re actually doing a screening of Howl’s Moving Castle next weekend!!

Catra smiled at her phone. Howl’s Moving Castle had been their go-to movie in middle school. It was the perfect mix of escapist and comforting that both of them so desperately needed.

<<dub or sub

>>Sub!

<<sure

<<you’re paying

**-Senior Year: Two Years Ago. Five hours after leaving-**

_Adora was miserable. She hadn’t expected her conversation with Catra to take such a harsh turn, but in hindsight she definitely could have done a better job communicating with her friend._

_But seriously, accusing Adora of not caring about her? After Adora had done everything in her power to protect her friend. All the times she covered for Catra when she wanted to sneak out for the night. All those lunches spent underneath the bleachers because Catra was too scared to talk to the other kids. All those nights spent begging Weaver to let Catra to have seconds. Adora had spent her entire life caring for Catra, protecting Catra, loving Catra. How could the other girl not see that?_

_She stared out the window of the bus like a character from a movie. As team captain, it was her job to make sure everything was put away before returning to the hotel room, so she was on the last bus back from the race course. It was filled with the coaches and the other team captains, who had dispersed themselves throughout the bus. The seat next to Adora was empty. Catra usually stayed with Adora until everything was done, but not this time._

_It just didn’t make sense. Last night, they had almost kissed. Catra had been reaching out and Adora had reached back. It had been such a fragile moment, so fragile it had shattered. But the message was clear: there was_ something _there. Even if Catra didn’t want to act on it._

_The bus stopped in front of their hotel. Adora was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice until the footsteps of the other people on the bus got closer and she heard voices thanking the bus driver. She reluctantly snapped out of her train of thought to make her way off of the bus and into the hotel. She didn’t want to wait on the elevator, so she made her way to the stairs. The rhythm of stepping out the stairs allowed her mind to wander again._

_Perhaps Catra thought Adora was looking to experiment? That seemed likely, although the thought hurt. Adora had done everything in her power to show Catra just how loved she was. If Catra truly thought Adora didn’t love her, it meant Adora had somehow failed._

_Of course, it was also possible that Catra was attracted to her, but didn’t feel anything romantic towards her. Adora thought back on all of the quiet moments they had shared, on all the almost kisses and lingering gazes. Catra might have loved her at some point, but maybe she didn’t anymore._

_It’s not like it mattered. Catra didn’t kiss her last night, either because she didn’t trust Adora or because she didn’t love Adora. For Adora, there wasn’t much of a difference between the two; both options lead them to the same issue now._

_Adora stopped in front of the door to their room. Catra was probably on the other side. This would probably be her one chance to explain her side of the story, her only remaining chance to tell Catra just how much she loved her. She took a deep breath before opening the door, and was immediately confronted with the woman she loved glaring at her, suitcase in one hand and room key in the other._

_“Catra--”_

_“--I’m staying in Lonnie’s room tonight. See you tomorrow.” Catra didn’t even look Adora in the eye as she pushed past her and walked out the door._

_“Catra, wait!” Adora called after her, “We don’t have to fight about this!”_

_Catra turned around and eyed her cautiously, “So you’ll come back to the Horde?”_

_Adora hesitated. She couldn’t go back to the Horde, not now. Not when they were being starved and worked to the point of injury and pitted against each other like rabid animals. As team captain, she was the face of the team. And she couldn’t be the face of the Horde. Not now that she knew what they represented._

_“I can’t stay,” Adora shook her head. She would do almost anything for Catra, but some things she wouldn’t compromise on, “But I know you can come with me.”_

_“It’s always about you, isn’t it? I put in the same work as you, I starve myself so you don’t have to, and yet you’re the star rower. And now you think you just get to waltz in and demand that I uproot my entire life for you? Grow up,” Catra stared at the wall in front of her, as if she couldn’t bring herself to look at Adora directly._

_“Catra, I--” Adora took a shaky breath, “--I had no idea you felt that way.”_

_“No, I suppose you wouldn’t. It’s not like you ever bothered to ask,” Catra said evenly before walking away._

_Adora stared at the spot Catra had stood long after the other girl had left. She was still processing Catra’s words. How long had Catra felt second best? Was it something Adora did, something she could have done differently? Was Catra’s resentment the reason she didn’t love Adora back?_

_She finally made her way back into the abandoned room. It was so empty without Catra’s stuff scattered around the floor. The bed was too big and there was too much open space. Adora’s home had left, and now she was alone in the impersonal whiteness of hotel sheets._

_By some miracle, she managed to keep herself from crying long enough to shower and get dinner. But the moment she returned to the room after dinner, she collapsed on the bed in tears._

_Adora couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried. Weaver hated any sign of weakness, and crying was no exception. She had stamped the urge to cry out of Adora like it was the devil incarnate. But the tears were coming out now, unstoppable and messy. She pictured Catra next to her, pictured her friend holding her as she cried. Maybe Catra would play with her hair or hum a song quietly. The mental image only served to make Adora cry harder._

_She would never have that again. Something about the finality with which Catra spoke led Adora to believe that things would never be the same between them. The realization made her feel so empty inside. She had lost so much in such a short time. A teammate, a support system, a best friend. It was all gone._

_Adora stared at the wall art on the hotel wall. It was dismal and abstract and haunting. If she wasn’t so distraught, she would have laughed at how accurately her surroundings fit her current state. But she wasn’t laughing now, not when she was alone for the first time in thirteen years._

**-Present-**

Catra waltzed up to the park where they agreed to meet five minutes late. She would have been later to show just how much she didn’t care about this “date” but she knew Adora was going to be at least five minutes early and making the blonde idiot wait for more than ten minutes seemed a bit cruel. Especially when Adora had a tendency to overthink things when left alone for too long.

Adora was standing with her back to her, looking at something on her phone. Catra was surprised to see that she wasn’t wearing her usual jacket, but then she remembered that the jacket in question was currently on her shoulders. 

“Hey, Adora,” Catra said as she crept up behind her. Adora, predictably, jumped and turned around.

“Oh my god, Catra, you can’t just sneak up on me like that,” Adora crossed her arms, “And are you wearing my jacket?”

“It’s my jacket now but yeah,” Catra adjusted the zipper unnecessarily. Adora’s eyes followed the movement, but other than that she remained silent. Catra cocked her head to the side, “Unless you need me to give it back? Is this like a portable security blanket or something?”

“No, nothing like that. You can keep it if you want. I’m just surprised you still have it. I figured you pawned it off on Scorpia or something,” Adora shrugged a little too casually.

“Adora, this is your favorite jacket, why the fuck would I give it to someone else? And why would you just _let_ me do that?” Catra stared at the other girl in shock. Sure, she hadn’t exactly been nice to Adora since the incident, but that didn’t mean she didn’t understand basic human decency.

“Well I just figured you probably wouldn’t want something of mine hanging around your apartment, and when you didn’t text me to give it back I just assumed that’s what you had done,” Adora said sadly, “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by asking for it back.”

“So you were going to let me get rid of it? Holy shit Adora! I know we’re not exactly besties but do you seriously think I would do that?” _To you?_

Adora crossed her arms, “Well if we’re being honest, yes I did. Name one thing you’ve done in the past two years that would make me think you’d show me basic human decency.”

Catra stared at the other girl in shock. Because, the truth was, she was absolutely right. Catra had spent the last two years treating Adora like absolute shit. Why would Adora think things would magically change now?

“I don’t want to talk about this right now. Let’s just pose for some pictures at the movie theater and then call it a day,” Catra snapped before walking down the street. Not the best reaction, for sure, but Catra _hated_ admitting she was wrong. And, for the record, she was _not_ wrong. Cutting Adora off had been to protect herself, and Adora had been planning on cutting her out first. None of this would have happened if Adora had just cared about her enough to stay.

But Adora still had a point. Catra might have gone a little overboard with the whole “you’re dead to me” act. A _little_. Enough to justify Adora’s weariness, at least.

“You’re going the wrong way,” Adora called from where she still stood.

“I knew that,” Catra grumbled as she turned around, “I was just testing you.”

They walked in a tense silence. Catra kept her eyes glued to the sidewalk to keep herself from accidentally making eye contact with Adora and Adora was staring at her phone as if she would get lost without it. Catra knew Adora, though, and she knew that the blonde had memorized the route the night before just in case her phone died mid-walk.

They took mostly back streets so they didn’t have to worry too much about people recognizing them and taking pictures. Which was good, because Catra needed a few moments before she pretended to be dating Adora.

“We’re getting close to the movie theater,” Adora announced after a few minutes.

Catra stopped in her tracks before turning to Adora, “Okay. How do you want to tackle this?”

“What do you mean?” Adora cocked her head to the side slightly.

“Well where do you stand on PDA?” Catra asked, “Like, are we the kind of couple that holds hands or are we going to full on make out in front of people?” Part of Catra really wanted them to be the kind of couple who shamelessly made out with each other in public, but the logical part of her knew it was a bad idea for her emotional state.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Adora shrugged.

“Really?” Catra challenged, “Because I’m comfortable with a lot.” She wasn’t, really, but Adora wouldn’t call her on her bluff.

Adora was notably pink. It was a good color on her. “I guess holding hands? Making out seems a bit… much.”

Adora didn’t want to kiss her again. Which was fine. Catra didn’t care if Adora wanted to kiss her again or not. She wasn’t about to let her self confidence be dictated by how someone else viewed her. That would be ridiculous.

“Okay, then, let’s go,” Catra grabbed Adora’s hand and started walking again. Adora hesitated for a moment before falling in step beside Catra. Catra hated how well Adora kept pace with her.

By the time they made it to the small mall the movie theater was located, they had been recognized a few times. There was a group of girls standing waiting for a movie that had excitedly asked for a picture with them. A few paparazzi had caught up with them and shot a few pictures; nothing too invasive but just enough to make Catra hate being semi-famous.

“Oh my god, you’re like my favorite couple,” Some girl who was standing in front of the ticket counter was telling them, “Me and my friend had a bet on whether or not you guys were dating ever since you broke up with Scorpia.”

“Wow, it’s always nice to meet fans!” Adora smiled, obviously not sure what to say.

“You had a bet on us?” Catra asked.

“Oh yeah!” The girl enthused, “You guys have so much chemistry. It was only a matter of time in my opinion.”

“Really?” Adora asked, obviously surprised. Which was fair; Catra had no idea there were people out there hoping they were together. That seemed a bit weird.

“Oh, not in a weird way or anything!” The girl backtracked nervously, “I just think that you guys look super cute together and you always acted like a couple during your junior rowing interviews. It just seemed logical when the announcement came out, you know?”

Catra didn’t need to be told that their story lent itself to a love story. Childhood friends to lovers was a classic; one that Catra unfortunately spent a fair amount of time reading and watching. Not that she was projecting or anything. She just thought the stories were cute.

“Thanks,” Catra finally settled on saying, “We’d love to stay and talk more, but our movie is about to start. Isn’t that right, princess?”

“Oh! Um… yeah! Definitely. The movie. We should get to that. Because it’s about to start,” Adora stammered.

With that, Catra and Adora made their way into the dark theater. She hated to admit it, but the silence of watching a movie was nice. It reminded her of a time when they were comfortable being quiet together. Of a time when Adora would sit on Catra’s bed and scroll through her phone while Catra did her homework. And if they ended up holding hands during the movie, well, that was no one’s business.

**-Eighth Grade: seven years ago, five years before betrayal-**

_“If you could be a character in any fictional universe, which one would you choose?” Catra turned around to ask Adora. She knew her friend got stressed out easily, and their first race ever was definitely something to be stressed about. Maybe the question would distract her._

_“What?” Adora looked back at her blankly. Her eyes looked even more vivid in the sunlight that reflected off of the water surrounding them._

_“You heard me, idiot. If you could be someone in any book or movie or video game, what would you choose?” Catra rolled her eyes fondly._

_“Can you guys not talk right now? We’re racing soon,” Kyle said from his position in the coxswain’s seat. A bold move to tell Catra to do anything when she was literally sitting right in front of him._

_“Shut up, Kyle. We’re just working out our pre-race nerves,” Catra fixed Kyle with a death glare before turning back to her friend, “So? What’s your answer?”_

_Adora shook her head, “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”_

_“No I won’t,” Catra smiled encouragingly. Nothing Adora did was stupid. Except for that one time she walked into a pole because she was too distracted by the game Catra had found on their calculators._

_“Probably Mulan,” Adora smiled back._

_“Mulan, huh?” Catra thought about it for a few moments. It actually made a lot of sense. Adora was just the kind of person who would crossdress to go to war. She’d probably look hot in men’s clothes._

_“Told you you’d think it was weird,” Adora pouted._

_“No, I don’t think it’s weird,” Catra shook her head, desperately trying to get the image of Adora holding a sword out of her head, “It’s just… isn’t she technically a princess?”_

_Adora’s pout deepened, “I don’t think so? She’s just a commoner.”_

_“But she marries Shang,” Catra pointed out._

_“Okay one, if I was Mulan I wouldn’t marry Shang because I’d be better at ruling without him. Two, Shang wasn’t the emperor so even if I did marry him I wouldn’t be a princess. And three, did China even have princesses?” Adora argued._

_“How should I know? But Mulan is a Disney princess,” Catra rolled her eyes._

_“But she isn’t a princess in the movie,” Adora insisted. They were getting nowhere with their current discussion, so Catra decided to call for backup._

_“Kyle,” Catra turned to the timid coxswain, “Is Mulan a princess? And yes, there is a right answer.”_

_“Yes?” Kyle looked back at Catra with wide eyes. Catra nodded at him approvingly before turning around yet again._

_“See, Adora? Mulan’s a princess. Which means you’re a princess,” Catra smiled smugly. Something about that seemed right. Adora was usually tough and coarse and blunt, but she did have a softer, cuter side._

_“I actually wouldn’t mind that,” Adora considered Catra’s statement, “But that means you have to call me your majesty.”_

_“Yeah, I’m not doing that. But I will call you princess, princess,” Catra laughed._

_“All junior eights make your way to the starting line,” A man with a megaphone announced from his spot on a launch._

_They made their way to the starting line at Kyle’s instruction. As it was almost every boat’s first race, it took a long time to make sure every team was in the right place and pointing in the right direction. Catra could feel the nervous energy welling up within her. Her mind was split between wanting to quit on the spot and jump out of the boat and wanting to demand that they start the race_ now.

_Finally, the race was ready to begin. The announcer counted down from three so slowly it should be against regulation, and then there was a loud beep and they were racing. All at once, the nervous energy transformed into focused effort. It was almost deceptively calm, the way she focused solely on the power of her stroke. She had one job, and she was going to do it fucking well if it was the last thing she ever did._

_Just like every other race she had ever competed in, Catra didn’t remember any specifics. It was all one blur of shouting and the click of oars as her teammates moved with her and the burn of her lungs as she panted and the excruciating pain in her legs that made her want to stop. But no matter how much her body screamed at her to stop, no matter how close to passing out she felt, she wouldn’t stop. Stopping would mean letting Adora down, and Catra would rather die._

_None of that mattered. What happened in those seven minutes remained there, forgotten as soon as they were over. What mattered was the sound of a horn when they passed the finish line. What mattered was that they had crossed the finish line first. What mattered was that they had won._

_“Catra! We won!” Adora’s voice came from behind her, breathless but unmistakably excited._

_Catra turned around to find her best friend staring at her with a wide smile. For a few moments, Catra couldn’t breathe. She should have been panting with exertion, desperately gulping for oxygen, but instead she held her breath. Her best friend was so gorgeous; the way her golden hair gleamed in the sunlight, with loose strands framing her face gently, the way her eyes practically sparkled in the afternoon sun, the way the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled._

_All Catra could do was smile back, mind blank. Adora’s smile was just too overwhelming, it was too infectious. Catra never wanted to leave this perfect moment, smiling at each other victoriously._

_“Yeah, we did it, princess,” Catra finally managed to collect her thoughts enough to say. Adora’s cheeks were tinged pink, although Catra wasn’t sure if it was because of the sun or because of the new nickname._

_“Come here,” Adora extended her arms. Catra twisted in her seat to pull Adora closer to her, in a poor approximation of a hug, but it would have to do. Even with the awkward positioning, Adora’s embrace was comforting and secure. They clung to each other for too long, but neither of them wanted to let go._

_“Guys, we need to move,” Kyle said over the speaker system._

_“Can’t you see we’re having a moment here, Kyle?” Catra glared at the coxswain._

_“Sorry, it’s just the next race is coming and we might get hit,” Kyle stammered._

_“It’s okay, Catra, we can celebrate on land,” Adora smiled at Catra encouragingly before reaching for her own oar and preparing to row. Catra hated the fact that they had to row back to land--they had just rowed an entire race and now they had to do_ more _rowing?--but she wanted to give Adora a true hug so she prepared herself to row as well._

_They made their way back to land with minimal incident, except for Kyle’s absolutely atrocious docking job that forced some of the varsity women to catch the boat before it impaled itself on the plastic dock. Catra would usually mock the boy for that, but right now she couldn’t bring herself to care. She had just had an amazing race. She was on top of the world._

_It was actually a while before Catra and Adora could properly celebrate. They had to put their boat back and then listen to Weaver give them a speech about how even though they won they should still strive to be better (which was bullshit in Catra’s opinion, but Adora seemed to eat it up) and then clean their boat and then put everything back on the trailer. It wasn’t until Catra stepped out of the porta potties with a fresh set of clothes on that they had a chance to talk._

_“I can’t believe we won,” Adora gave Catra that same smile she gave her on the water._

_“I can. We’re, like, the best,” Catra did her best to shrug casually. She had ever felt this elated about anything in her life. She was addicted to the feeling._

_“You’re the best,” Adora insisted before pulling Catra into a true hug. Catra had always loved the way they seemed to fit perfectly into each other’s arms. She was just the right height to rest her chin on the crook of Adora’s neck, and Adora was just the right height to rest the side of her face on the top of Catra’s head. Catra wondered if the strands of her hair tickled Adora’s nose._

_They hugged for what felt like an eternity. Why would they ever let go, when the moment was so perfect? Even when their arms fell from their places around each other, they stood with their bodies close, hand in hand._

_“Careful, Adora, I might think you actually like me,” Catra teased lightly._

_Adora gave her a goofy smile, “And what if I do?”_

_Catra giggled, “That’s soooo embarrassing for you. Aren’t you embarrassed, princess?”_

_“No, not really,” Adora said. And then, quieter, “I like it when you call me princess.”_

_Catra’s heart lurched. It was just a stupid nickname, a stupid joke about a stupid question she had asked Adora to get her head off of the stupid race. But Adora_ liked _it._

 _“I guess I’ll have to keep doing it then,_ princess _,” Catra drew out the word teasingly. She liked the way it felt to call Adora that. Wasn’t that something couples call each other?_

_“But it’s not fair that you have something to call me and I don’t have anything to call you,” Adora mused, a mischievous glint in her eye._

_“No,” Catra shook her head firmly. She knew where this was going and she did not like it one bit._

_“Oh come on,” Adora pleased, “Cat is such a cute nickname! You even like cats, so it’s not even bad!”_

_“Nope. It’s dumb and I hate it.”_ And it makes me weak in the knees when you say it and ever since you called me that in sixth grade I’ve never been able to stop thinking about it.

_“Fine,” Adora pouted cutely, “But I’ll think of something some day. I promise.”_

_“I’ll hold you to that, princess.”_

**-Present-**

As all good things do, the movie eventually ended, leaving them in a very awkward situation. They had met in a midway point between their two apartments. Did they walk back there, or did one of them go out of their way to walk the other one home?

“How about I walk you home, princess?” Catra offered before Adora could ask to walk Catra home. The last thing Catra wanted was the other girl knowing where she lived. Besides, she didn’t know Adora’s exact address, but it couldn’t be too far from where she lived. They went to the same college and rowed on the same water, after all.

“Oh, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Adora looked at the ground.

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to,” Catra rolled her eyes, “I’m not about to force you to walk all the way back on your own.”

“Oh,” Adora said, sounding genuinely surprised, “That’s really nice of you, Catra. Thanks.”

“Shut up and lead the way.”

Adora pulled out her phone, supposedly to navigate them but more likely to distract herself from looking at Catra. They joined hands as they exited the theater and made their way back outside, just in case there were any lingering fans taking pictures of them. There was a silence as they walked; one that Catra didn’t want to break. It was just barely on the right side of bearable, but she was afraid that one wrong word would ruin the whole thing.

“Look, Catra, I want to apologize for earlier,” Adora looked at the sidewalk in front of them determinedly.

“Apologize?” Catra echoed. As far as she was concerned, she was the one who had hurt Adora.

“Yeah. I got frustrated and tried to push you into a conversation you’re clearly not ready for yet,” Adora squeezed Catra’s hand gently, “I know every time we talk I end up saying the same thing, but I really am here for you when you’re ready. This never had to come between us.”

Catra took a deep breath. Was Adora being serious right now? Catra had been an asshole and somehow Adora had managed to spin it into something that was her fault. And on top of it, she had thrown in the words Catra so desperately wanted to hear. Even though she didn’t believe them--after these six months were over Adora would leave her for someone who was prettier and nicer and smarter and all around better--it was cathartic to hear. For a few moments she could pretend that her absence impacted Adora as much as Adora’s absence impacted her.

“You’re right. I’m not ready to talk about it. And I’m not quite ready to believe you when you say you’re there for me. But what happened earlier wasn’t your fault, so don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Okay,” Adora said, “I guess that’s fair. But, Catra? If there’s anything I can do to regain your trust, please let me know.”

“You hurt me, Adora,” It was Catra’s turn to stare at the sidewalk, “You can’t just do me a favor and call it even. This stuff takes time. A lot of time.”

“Catra--”

“--Not now, Adora, please. I’m not ready.”

“Okay,” Adora sighed, sounding defeated, “But the moment you’re ready, you’ll tell me, right? I’ve been ready to talk about this for years.”

Catra let out a bitter laugh. If Adora had truly been ready to talk about this for years, that conversation in the hotel room wouldn’t have happened. This whole situation could have been avoided. “Yeah, I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”

“Thank you,” Adora said. They were plunged into another silence as they walked. Catra looked at the plants that lined the sidewalks. Bright Moon paid better than the Horde, so Adora lived in a nicer part of town. Catra did her best to not be jealous of the brick and moss of the surrounding buildings.

They walked until they reached a particularly tall apartment complex. It was brick, just like the surrounding buildings, and had large bay windows. The skyline probably looked stunning from those windows at night.

“So I guess this is where we say goodbye,” Adora motioned to the building awkwardly. So this was her apartment. It was nice.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Catra nodded. She wanted this whole ordeal to be over so she could go home and watch movies and eat halo top ice cream.

She expected Adora to just turn around and leave, but instead she stepped a little closer. “I’m going to kiss you.”

“What?”

“If we were actually dating, I would kiss you right now,” Adora explained as she cupped Catra’s face tenderly. It felt too real.

“Well we’re not on a real date,” Catra did her best to keep her voice even, “And I don’t see any cameras around so we can stop pretending.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but there could be people hiding that we can’t see.” Adora’s eyes flitted to the bushes next to them and the alleyway by the building.

“If you’re gonna kiss me just do it. A real couple wouldn’t be standing like this for so long,” Catra tilted her head back slightly. As much as she hated to admit it, she really wanted Adora to kiss her again.

Adora nodded before taking another step towards Catra. Then she leaned down and joined their lips. It was a chaste kiss--they didn’t even use tongue--but it was so soft and tender and not at all what Catra was expecting. It felt like Adora was trying to convey something with the kiss. Something more than _I miss being your friend_.

“Get home safe, Catra.” Adora murmured as she pulled back and let her hand drop from Catra’s cheek. Then she turned around and opened the door to her apartment building and was gone. There was nothing Catra could do but stare at the door in shock, with her fingertips lightly brushing where Adora’s hand had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fellas, is it gay to call your best friend and longtime crush princess while holding her hands and admitting how much you like each other?
> 
> I'm really excited for the next chapter so if I can talk my parents out of the Christmas eve church zoom call I'm going to post it on Thursday. So if you don't see an update just know I'm singing about Jesus and telling a bunch of old people that I don't have a boyfriend because I'm "focusing on school right now."
> 
> Also Catra 100% reads childhood friends to lovers fanfic in her free time because she relates to the yearning.


	6. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who got out of singing about Jesus!
> 
> This chapter serves as proof that quarantine is driving us all crazy because I'm not really a partier but isolation has got me romanticizing frat houses :(

**-Present-**

“So what are you wearing to the party tonight?” Glimmer asked as she sat down at their normal table.

Adora looked from her to Bow, trying to determine who the question was directed at. Based on the way Bow was looking at her as if she was supposed to answer, Adora decided it was, for some reason, a question for her. “What party?”

“The spirit week party? The biggest party of the semester?” Glimmer said, as if that explained everything.

“You know I don’t party,” Adora sighed. She enjoyed drinking in small groups and occasionally went to team parties, but she had never gone to a stereotypical frat party.

“Yeah, but Catra does,” Bow wiggled his eyebrows conspiratorially.

“For the last time, we’re not actually dating,” Adora rubbed her eyes in exasperation, “Can we stop talking about it? It just makes this whole situation harder.”

“Adora, we know you’re not dating, but you are pretending to date, and Catra’s definitely going to go to this party,” Glimmer looked at Adora sympathetically. It had been a long couple of months for Adora, and Bow and Glimmer had been there to witness Adora’s stress first hand.

Bow nodded, “Yeah, Perfuma was telling us about it because she was talking with Scorpia, who’s concerned about Catra. I don’t think Scorpia wants Catra to go, but she’s going anyways.”

“So? She’s made it very clear we shouldn’t be near each other unless it is absolutely required of us. It’s none of my business,” Adora shrugged. As much as she wanted to see Catra, the other girl had made it very clear that she wanted as much space as humanly possible. They hadn’t spoken at all since their “date” last month.

“Yeah, but you’re supposed to be _dating_ ,” Glimmer insisted, “Do you know how weird it would look for Catra to go to a party without her girlfriend?”

“I’m sure Catra’s thought about that and decided it’s worth the risk,” Adora insisted.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Bow shook his head, “From what Perfuma was saying, Catra isn’t exactly thinking her decisions through right now.”

“Fine, I’ll text her and ask her what her plan is,” Adora relented. She opened Instagram, because she still hadn't been granted texting or snapchatting privileges, and typed out a message.

>>Hey, are you going to the party tonight?

Just like last time she had messaged Catra, she didn’t really expect her to respond. It’s not like Catra had responded to anything she had done in the last two years. So she was surprised when, two minutes later, her phone lit up with a notification from instagram.

<<why do you care?

>>Because we’re supposed to be dating!

>>If you go without me it’ll look sus

>>awe, adora are you trying to ask me out?

<<No?

<<Well, maybe

<<If you’re going to the party, I’d like to go with you

Catra didn’t respond for a long time after that. It wasn’t until Adora had finished her lunch and found her way back to her apartment a few hours later that she got another notification.

>>you know you don’t have to pretend to like me

>>just say you don’t want people to find us out and go

It was like a stab to the chest. How could Catra truly believe that Adora’s kindness was all an act? How could Catra not realize just how much Adora liked her? Adora wanted nothing more than to find the other girl and soothe her. She wanted to tell Catra that she was amazing and loved and deserved the world. But Catra would push her away, so she would have to take a different approach.

<<I’m not pretending to like you, I actually do like you

<<But my point about the party still stands

>>well i don’t like you

>>and im not going to the party

Adora groaned. Why did Catra have to be so difficult?

<<We’ve established that you don’t like me, don’t worry

<<And I know you’re going, Scorpia told Perfuma

>>wtf why are you talking to scorpias rebound abt me?

>>creepy

<<Why are you lying to me about the party?

>>you cant deflect me i already deflected you

>>i have a strict one deflection per conversation policy

>>why are you talking to other people abt me?

Adora paced her room and groaned. She remembered Catra being petty and snarky and argumentative, but had she always been this childish?

<<Well I have a no deflections per conversation policy so you have to answer me first

>>no, i dont think i will

<<You’re so lucky you have my number blocked rn I stg

>>its called foresight princess 😘

<<Okay here’s the deal

<<I’m going to the party

<<And when you show up, we’re going to act like a couple so we don’t get caught

>>fine ur right im going to the party

>>see you there ig

Adora really shouldn’t push her luck. But the voice in the back of her head kept on insisting that if she just kept talking to Catra enough, eventually she would get through to her.

<<You know, it would be even more convincing if we showed up together

>>absolutely not

<<I have a car so I could be your DD

There was another gap in Catra’s response, which Adora used to go through her closet in an attempt to find party clothes. She didn’t really know what that was, but she was pretty sure workout clothes and sweats wasn’t it. She eventually turned to Glimmer for help, who took pity on her and let her borrow a crop top. It was even shorter on her than it was on Glimmer, but according to Glimmer that was the point.

>>fine

>>but only because scorpia and perfuma are both planning on drinking

>>this is NOT going to be a regular thing

<<Noted

**-Sophomore Year: Four years ago, one year eleven months before leaving-**

_Adora had never been a big fan of school dances. The loud music always gave her a headache and the heat of bodies pressing against each other made her uncomfortable. But Catra loved dances. Adora wasn’t quite sure why, but she thought it had something to do with the attention. At home and at practice, people usually paid more attention to Adora. She was the star rower, the athletic prodigy that was going to give the Horde a leg up._

_But at dances? All eyes were on Catra. Their high school required them to take PE credits despite having an external sport, and Catra had decided on taking dance instead of the traditional PE. It had paid off tremendously. Catra’s sense of rhythm lent itself to dancing in the most intoxicating way._

_Adora was technically Catra’s date. They went “together” to every school dance, although it was really more for the pictures and the discounted couples tickets. And Adora liked coordinating. She thought it was fun to wander the stores and find matching outfits. She would always picture what things would look like on Catra; how the color would bring out her eyes, how the cut would look on her body, how the fabric would move as she danced._

_This dance Catra was wearing a jumpsuit and Adora couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. It was underclassman prom, and it had been exactly two weeks since she almost kissed Catra in their kitchen. Needless to say, Adora was still coming to terms with having a crush on her best friend. She should probably be trying to get over it, but the way Catra swayed her hips and laughed as she dragged Adora from group to group was so captivating._

_Adora eventually extracted herself from the crowd to get a breath of fresh air. She would love to stay and watch Catra dance all night, but she was definitely overheating and had been shoved up against one too many sweaty bodies. Hopefully after taking a break, she would be able to rejoin Catra._

_“Adora! Why’d you leave?” Catra’s voice cut over the crowd and the beating of the bass. Adora turned around to see her friend walking towards her with a smile._

_“It was just getting a little hot inside. I didn’t mean to pull you from dancing,” Adora explained._

_“It isn’t any fun when you’re not there stupid,” Catra rolled her eyes, “If you want to leave, we can leave.”_

_Adora shook her head, “No, it’s fine! I just need a few moments and then I can go back in.”_

_Catra gave Adora a quizzical look, “Are you even having fun?”_

_“Yeah, of course I am! I love school dances. You know me, always going on about how it’s the best part of the high school experience,” Adora lied._

_“You know sometimes I can’t tell if you’re just a horrible liar or if you’re actually being sarcastic,” Catra sighed, “If you’re not having fun we can just leave. It’s not a big deal. This dance is kinda lame anyways.”_

_“I am having fun Catra! I’m with you,” Adora insisted. Sure, she would rather be with Catra basically anywhere else, but Catra’s presence made everything infinitely more bearable, “Also, aren’t we not allowed to leave once we check in?”_

_“Only if you follow the rules, princess,” Catra laughed, “That fence is totally climbable.”_

_“In my dress pants? I don’t think so,” Adora considered the fence before shaking her head. It looked like a really good way to tear some part of her clothes, and Weaver would kill them if that happened._

_“What, are you worried you won’t be able to climb it?” Catra taunted, already walking towards the fence._

_“No! I’m just worried I’ll be so much better at climbing it than you that you’d get super embarrassed and it would ruin your night.”_

_“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m definitely the better climber,” Catra crossed her arms._

_“Oh yeah? Wanna bet?” Adora smirked back at Catra. Catra might be more nimble, but Adora was stronger. She could definitely climb this fence faster._

_“Oh definitely. Winner chooses what we do after we leave,” Catra extended her hand for a handshake. Adora shook it with mock formality before turning to the fence._

_“Okay, on the count of three… One, two… THREE!” She announced before launching herself at the fence. She grabbed at the cold metal and pulled herself up quickly. Unfortunately for her, her range of motion was restricted by the suit jacket she was wearing and she wasn’t able to reach as high as she had originally anticipated. By the time Adora had made her way down from the top of the fence, Catra had already landed._

_“You were saying?” Catra basted smugly._

_“Oh shut up. It’s just because of my jacket,” Adora shook her head._

_“If you say so,” Catra raised an eyebrow. Some of her hair had fallen out of its updo in the excitement of climbing. Adora took a step closer to tuck a stray strand behind her ear. There was a shocked silence as they just stared at each other, unsure what exactly that gesture meant._

_“So where are we going?” Adora asked when the tension became unbearable._

_“What?” Catra asked, eyes trained on Adora’s._

_“Winner picks our after dance activity. What are we doing?”_

_“Oh,” Catra recovered from whatever daze she was in and took a step back, “I want to go to Huntara’s.”_

_“Huntara’s? But that’s fast food!” Huntara’s was on Weaver’s list of places Catra and Adora were officially never allowed to set foot inside._

_Catra smiled conspiratorially, “Yeah, I know. ‘Cmon, Adora, don’t you want some french fries?”_

_“Fine,” Adora did her best to sound reluctant. Because she did actually really want some french fries, and she especially wanted to share some french fries with Catra. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate something with flavor; Weaver was a horrible cook and usually just gave them grilled chicken breasts and steamed vegetables._

_“I promise it’ll be worth it, princess,” Catra winked before walking towards the parking lot where Adora parked her car. Adora watched her friend go for a few moments before following. She would never admit it, but she loved breaking the rules with Catra. It gave her a thrill she didn’t get anywhere else._

**-Present-**

Adora pulled up to the park Catra had told her to meet at exactly on time. She would have preferred to just pick Catra up at her house--after all, if Catra got really drunk Adora would have no idea where to take her--but Catra had been insistent on not telling Adora her address.

Catra was over ten minutes late. Adora was surprised; they were both raised by Weaver, who had punctuality all but beaten into them. The idea of being late still scared Adora, and she had just assumed Catra felt more or less the same. She obviously didn’t.

When Catra did finally make her way to the meeting spot, Adora had to take a deep breath. The other girl wasn’t wearing much of anything; her maroon crop top was barely covering more than a bra would and her black skirt was practically skin tight. Adora let her eyes linger on her rival’s frame; it was clear that Catra had been working just as hard as Adora to get stronger. She was all lean muscle and toned definition and Adora couldn’t help but wonder what Catra’s body would feel like under her hands.

If Catra noticed Adora staring, she didn’t mention it. Instead, she opened the passenger door and got into the car unceremoniously, as if Adora was her mother picking her up from school and not her date to a party. There was an awkward silence as neither of them spoke.

“You’re late,” Adora finally said. Not the best opener, for sure, but at least it broke the silence.

Catra scowled, “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in a rush, mom.”

“I’m not, it’s just that this park is dark and it’s getting a little late so I was worried,” Adora did her best to explain. This wasn’t exactly the good part of town either, and while she was sure Catra was more than capable of protecting herself, her mind couldn’t help but assume the worst.

“Well you don’t have to be,” Catra snapped before showing Adora the can of pepper spray hanging off of her purse on a keychain, “And don’t give me any of that ‘being respectful of other people’s time’ bullshit Weaver’s always droning on about. You _asked_ to be here.”

Adora finished putting the party’s address in her GPS before turning to Catra. “It doesn’t freak you out?”

“What are you talking about?” Catra looked out of the window.

“You know, being late?” Adora elaborated.

“Why would being late freak me out?” Catra demanded, sounding almost offended.

“It freaks me out. Every time I’m running even a little late I feel like Weaver’s going to punish me and I start panicking. I guess I just thought that maybe you had the same experience,” Adora admitted.

“We’re not the same. Stop pretending we have things in common,” Catra said to the window.

“We grew up together, Catra. Like it or not, we have more in common than you want to admit,” Adora insisted, turning her eyes to the road and pulling onto the street. The soft glow of the street lights reminded her of when she would drive Catra home from practice as Weaver closed up the boathouse for the night. She missed driving Catra places.

There was another silence, this one slightly less suffocating than the last. Adora decided to let it linger in the air. For all the times she had imagined having Catra as a captive audience, had imagined what she would say and how she would apologize and explain what really happened when she decided to leave, she couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Sometimes being late scares me,” Catra mumbled. If Adora hadn’t spent her entire life hanging onto Catra’s every word, she might not have picked up on it.

“Because of Weaver?” Adora prompted.

“Yeah, because of that bitch,” Catra sighed, eyes still fixed on the road outside her window, “But that’s not the scariest thing, so sometimes I show up late, just to piss her off.”

“What do you mean, it’s not the scariest thing?” 

Catra shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess there are just bigger things she gets mad about, so how angry she gets about me being late doesn’t really compare. I already know what she’s going to do when I’m late. It’s the same lecture every time, so I’ve learned to tune it out.”

“Oh,” Adora didn’t know how to respond to that. To her, a lecture from Weaver sounded outright terrifying. “So then what’s scarier?”

Catra laughed bitterly, “Oh, Adora, you really are clueless.”

Adora frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You really have no idea, do you?” Catra turned to Adora to ask. Adora shook her head. “Well, I guess it doesn't really matter. It’s not your problem anymore.”

Adora was going to tell Catra that Catra’s problems were Adora’s problems, but she had just turned the corner and caught sight of the frat house hosting the party. The street was completely packed with cars. Parking was going to be a nightmare.

“Do you see any spots?” Adora asked. Catra was back to glaring out the window, so it was definitely possible that she would have seen some.

“I think you’ll have better luck the next street over,” Catra advised.

They did have better luck on the next street. Adora managed to squeeze her car in a tight spot, which she was honestly pretty proud of. She had her own parking spot in her apartment, so she hadn’t parallel parked in a while. She threw her car into park and they both sat in silence for a few moments.

“You realize we’re going to have to pretend to be dating when we leave this car, right?” Adora broke the silence.

“Yeah, I do,” Catra nodded, “Which is going to severely reduce my chances of getting laid tonight. So thanks for that.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” Adora rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to tell Catra that she could definitely help her get laid while also keeping their dating cover intact. Things were too fragile with Catra right now; they still weren’t at the point where they could talk about the banquet, let alone what happened two years ago. Adding sex into the mix wasn’t the best idea.

**-Junior Year: Three years ago, eight months before leaving-**

_Lonnie’s living room was spinning. Not an uncomfortable amount, but definitely more than it should be spinning. Which is not spinning at all, Adora’s pretty sure. She doesn’t really remember, to be honest._

_Catra’s looking at her funny. Not like bad, funny, but definitely with an expression Adora wasn’t used to. She looked so soft, but a little concerned. Adora wanted to comfort her, so she tucked a strand of hair behind her friend’s ear and smiled at her reassuringly._

_“Catra, why do you look so sad?” Adora whined. This was a team party and they were supposed to be having fun. She wasn’t going to let Catra mope around and pretend to hate everyone like she usually did._

_“I’m not sad, I’m worried. How drunk are you?” Catra eyed her wearily._

_Adora scoffed, “Literally not drunk at all. I’m basically sober.”_

_“That drink in her hand had three shots in it,” Lonnie offered from the other side of the room._

_Catra glanced at Adora’s glass. It was completely empty now. She looked back at Adora with a raised eyebrow._

_“Three’s not even that much! I can’t even feel it,” Adora insisted, “Can I have another?”_

_Catra considered her for a moment. Neither of them had ever had access to alcohol before, so it’s not like her friend knew when the right time to cut Adora off was. For all she knew, Adora_ was _practically sober. Adora happened to be an excellent liar, and she was sure she was killing the sober act._

_“Okay, you can have more, but only if you walk with me to pour it out,” Catra finally decided before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. Adora trailed behind her dutifully, walking perfectly normally. Although, for some reason the walls were closer together than normal. It was hard to walk without running into them._

_By the time she stumbled into the kitchen, Catra had already measured out a shot. She looked up as Adora entered. “What do you want to mix it with?”_

_“Um,” Adora took a step forward, considering her options. Unfortunately for her, the kitchen was spinning even more than the living room and her foot missed the floor and she started losing her balance. There was a flash of motion as Catra rushed forward to grab her before she fell completely. Adora could feel the heat of her friend’s hands as they grasped tightly around her forearms._

_Shakily, Adora regained her balance and stood up. There was Catra, supporting her with her arms and very close. Their noses were almost brushing, so Adora knocked them together with a giggle. Catra laughed too, the stress of the previous moment forgotten. Encouraged by her friend’s reaction, Adora rested their foreheads together gently. Catra looked up at her through long eyelashes, a small smile on her face._

_“Are we about to kiss right now?” Adora asked. Catra looked so kissable, and she was right there. Surely this was when she made her move, right?_

_Catra didn’t respond immediately. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Adora could smell the cheap vodka that she had spilled on her shirt at the beginning of the night. She absently wondered if the world was spinning for Catra too._

_“You’re really drunk, Adora,” Catra finally said, eyes still closed._

_“I promise I’m not,” Adora lied. She would say anything to get Catra to kiss her._

_Catra finally opened her eyes to look at Adora with amusement, “You literally just tripped on nothing. There’s no way you’re sober, princess.”_

_“Um, not true. I_ obviously _tripped on purpose to see if you would catch me. It was a test of our friendship.”_ Or our relationship…?

_“Yeah, friendship,” Catra echoed. She almost sounded sad about it._

_“Friendship,” Adora said, drawing out the word comically. Catra laughed again and Adora smiled._

_“You’re such a loser,” Catra said it like a term of endearment, “I can’t believe you’re an even bigger dork when you’re drunk.”_

_“Yeah, but you like it though,” Adora winked. But she was definitely out of it so she just blinked extra hard instead._

_“So you do admit you’re drunk then?” Catra looked at her triumphantly as she squeezed their joined hands. When did they start holding hands? Why were their foreheads still resting on each other? How did they get so close again?_

_“Maybe I’m a little tipsy,” Adora admitted._

_“Okay miss tipsy. Let’s get you some water,” Catra rolled her eyes before turning around and rummaging through Lonnie’s cabinets for a glass. But Adora didn’t want to drink water right now. She was having so much_ fun, _everything was warm and funny and she had almost kissed Catra! Her eyes wandered to the poured shot on the counter, long forgotten. Catra would never let her take it, but if she did it when her friend’s back was turned…_

_Adora took the shot and immediately started gagging. It burned and tasted like the smell of nail polish remover. She fought against her urge to spit it out as she swallowed, agonizingly slowly, and began coughing at the sensation in her throat. Catra whipped around to find Adora holding an empty shot glass and doubled over on the counter._

_“Oh my god, Adora! Why did you do that?” Catra rushed to Adora’s side again with concern._

_“I don’t know,” Adora pouted, “I thought it was a good idea.”_

_Catra shoved a glass of water in her face, “Drink this, it’ll make it hurt less. What were you thinking, taking a shot like that?”_

_“You’re just jealous that I was brave enough to take a shot. You’re too scared, aren’t you?” Adora teased after taking a long gulp of water._

_“I am not!” Catra insisted, already reaching for the bottle of vodka, “Give me that shot glass!”_

_Adora dutifully handed the glass over, and Catra proceeded to fill it with the clear liquid. Adora watched as her friend stared at her defiantly before downing the shot. She winced as she swallowed, but didn’t break eye contact as she grabbed Adora’s water and took a drink. Adora’s mouth went dry._

_“See? Told you I wasn’t scared,” Catra said smugly as she put the empty shot glass on the table. Adora released a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as her friend broke eye contact._

_“I never doubted you for a minute,” Adora agreed, “Wanna take another?”_

_“That’s stupid. You’re not supposed to drink that quickly. You’ll puke or something,” Catra argued, but based on the way she moved to sit on the counter, she wasn’t opposed to the idea._

_“It’s fine, what difference can one shot make?” Adora asked with false confidence. She made her way over to where Catra was sitting, and Catra let her legs part slightly so Adora could stand between them. Now they were at eye level, staring each other down with an intensity out of place for a conversation about alcohol._

_“Says the girl who was so scared to come tonight because you were convinced Weaver would catch us,” Catra sat up straighter so she was ever so slightly taller than Adora._

_“I’ve had a change of heart,” Adora said primly, “Alcohol is good actually.”_

_Catra’s eyes darted between Adora’s eyes and lips so quickly Adora wasn’t sure if she imagined it or not. “Is that so?”_

_“Yup,” Adora let the “p” pop like Catra did when she was feeling especially playful, “So I’m gonna take another. Have fun being more sober than me.”_

_Catra cupped Adora’s cheek with her hand before giggling, “Dude, I’m like so drunk right now.”_

_Her friend’s scrunched nose was so cute in the bright kitchen lights, and her hand was so soft against Adora’s cheek. “So then don’t take another! I don’t care.”_

_“Nah, I’ll take another,” Catra let her hand migrate from Adora’s cheek to her hair. Adora was glad she had decided to wear it down as Catra stroked it gently, “But I’m not holding your pretty hair back if you puke, princess.” Her friend whispered the words as if they were a private, intimate secret._

_“Okay,” Adora reached for the alcohol and shot glasses. Catra watched idly as Adora poured the shots. Adora could feel Catra’s legs pressing against her hips. It was a gentle pressure, but it served to keep Adora in place. As if Adora would ever leave this spot._

_She handed Catra her shot and raised her glass for a toast, “To not puking.”_

_“To not puking,” Catra agreed before they downed their shots. It hurt just as badly the second time. They both giggled at the other’s reaction before putting the glasses down and rejoining the party in the living room. Adora let her hand entwine with Catra’s on the return trip. She was walking on air and it felt absolutely amazing._

_Twenty minutes later, Adora was hunched over Lonnie’s toilet puking. Catra was sitting next to her, holding her hair back, rubbing comforting patterns along her back, and singing along to the party’s music softly._

**-Present-**

Adora nodded politely as the woman next to her talked. She was saying something about her gym routine. Or was it that she admired Adora’s gym routine? Adora didn’t really care. She was too busy scanning the crowd for Catra.

Finally she saw her, standing in the mob of people and dancing in a way Adora had never seen her dance before. She followed the path of Catra’s hands as she ruffled her hair and then traced the lines of her body. She couldn’t tear her eyes away as Catra’s hips moved to the beat and she smiled like someone had just told her the funniest joke in the world. Adora used to be able to make her smile like that.

“I wonder if your hands are bigger than mine?” The girl next to Adora prompted, unaware that Adora was having a second sexuality crisis over the same woman.

“Sorry, what?” Adora turned to the girl with confusion. Since when had they been talking about hands? How long had it been since she sat down next to her, anyways?

The girl held up her hand and smiled, “Let’s compare hands!”

Adora looked at the hand in front of her for a few seconds before raising her own hand and pressing their palms together. The other girl’s hand was about the size of Catra’s hand, she decided. Her fingers were thinner than Adora’s and a little bit shorter, and her palm was slim.

“Wow, your hand is _so_ much bigger,” The girl (what did she say her name was again?) giggled. Adora shrugged. It really wasn’t _that_ much bigger.

The girl started saying something else, but Adora was distracted by someone walking towards them. She turned and found herself looking at Catra, who was sauntering over to them with a smirk on her face.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra drawled as she made her way over to the chair Adora was sitting on. Adora scooted over to give Catra room to sit, but Catra decided to sit directly in her lap before flinging her legs over the arm of the chair. Adora automatically moved one of her hands to support Catra’s back.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” The girl frowned, clearly upset at being interrupted.

“I’m her girlfriend,” Catra wrapped her arms around Adora’s neck as if to accentuate that fact, “Who are you?”

The girl looked between Catra and Adora with an irritated expression before standing up, “I was actually just leaving. See you around, Adora.”

Catra watched the girl leave before turning to face Adora, “Awe, Adora, were you trying to make me jealous?”

Adora was not trying to make Catra jealous, but from the looks of it she had somehow succeeded. “No, just trying to kill time until you’re ready to leave.”

“Don’t wanna leave yet,” Catra shook her head before nosing at Adora’s neck. The gentle touch sent nervous sparks flying through Adora’s body.

“Okay, just let me know when you do.”

Catra hummed in affirmation before making herself more comfortable in Adora’s arms. She slid from her position in Adora’s lap to directly next to her, which meant she no longer had to lean down to nuzzle Adora. The arms around Adora’s neck tightened, pulling the two of them even closer.

“You’re so warm,” Catra sighed contentedly. _She must be really drunk,_ Adora realized belatedly. She had only seen Catra this out of it a few times--in high school, she was usually the one drinking too much--but she remembered how clingy Catra got. It had been the best and worst part of team parties.

“You sure you don’t want to dance more?” Adora asked gently. In high school, cuddly Catra was okay. Adora knew that she would also be willing to cuddle with her sober. But now? Sober Catra would definitely not be doing this. And while it was just cuddling, it still felt weird. It was just so fake, like everything else they did together.

“Nope,” Catra shook her head before letting a hand wander into Adora’s hair and pulling her face down. Their foreheads were resting together, and Catra was looking at Adora’s lips with intention. Adora felt an overwhelming heat rush through her, more intense than the general body heat of the packed party. Then Catra started leaning in slowly.

“No, Catra, you’re drunk,” Adora whispered.

Catra stopped leaning and looked back up at Adora’s eyes. She started giggling, high and raspy. “Wow, you really thought I was going to kiss you there, huh?”

_Yes._ “Um, no. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh my god, you totally did,” Catra was full-on cackling now.

“Was not!” Adora insisted.

“It’s okay, princess,” Catra said after she recovered from her laughing fit, “I can kiss you for real if you want.”

_Yes yes yes please kiss me._ “You’re drunk.”

Catra cupped Adora’s cheek and angled her until they were nose to nose. “Am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Could a drunk person do this?” Catra smirked before angling Adora’s face just the right way and leaning in for a kiss. Adora closed her eyes as Catra’s tongue ran across her bottom lip lightly. She wanted nothing more than to open her mouth and feel Catra’s tongue moving against her own. She wanted to let her hands roam over Catra’s body as she kissed down her neck. She wanted to feel Catra’s hands pulling at her hair as she sucked marks along her collarbone.

With a gentle push to Catra’s shoulder, Adora ended the kiss. “You’re drunk. I’m sober.” She tried again.

“So?” Catra pouted, but she let her hand fall from Adora’s face. Adora could feel the heat lingering there.

“Ever heard of consent?” Adora knew she had. Sophomore year, Weaver had sat them both down and given them a comprehensive talk. You didn’t forget that.

Catra wrinkled her nose. Adora fought the urge to tap it with her finger. “I’d kiss you sober.”

“Then kiss me sober,” Adora argued. Catra had to be lying. She obviously didn’t want Adora to kiss her after the movie last month, so why would she be okay with kissing her now? Drunk Catra had always been on the flirty side; craving contact and attention. College had apparently made that side of her more bold, that’s all.

“You’re no fun,” Catra said dramatically before lying back on the other arm of the chair. Adora could see the exposed skin of Catra’s midsection as the other girl stretched herself completely across Adora. She looked at the people dancing instead.

They sat there for a few minutes, Catra too upset to move and Adora too determined to prove her point. Finally, Catra sat back up and announced: “I’m ready to leave now.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Adora agreed. After some coordinating, Catra was shakily up on her feet and Adora was carefully navigating them to the front door. From there, she escorted Catra back to their car. The other girl swayed dangerously in her heels and stumbled a few times, but other than that the walk over was without consequence. Adora helped the other girl into the passenger seat before getting into the driver’s seat.

“Okay, where to?” Adora asked.

“The park,” Catra said.

“What? I can’t just drop you off at the park!” Adora looked at the other girl, who was drunkenly playing with her hair, in shock.

“Why not?” Catra asked.

“Because it’s the middle of the night and you’re in no condition to defend yourself! Why don’t you just give me your address and I’ll drive you there.”

“No,” Catra crossed her arms and shook her head.

“Why not?” Adora sighed. Was drunk Catra always this difficult?

“I don’t trust you,” Catra told Adora’s windshield.

The words sent a pang of hurt rushing through her. Catra seriously didn’t trust her enough to give her her home address?

“You don’t trust me?” Adora echoed.

Catra shook her head, “No. You’ll tell people where I live. Too risky.”

That made no sense, but if drunk Catra was worried about people knowing where she lived Adora would just have to go with it. “I promise I won’t tell anyone where you live. I won’t even save it in my phone!”

“I don’t believe you,” Catra crossed her arms, “You’d lie about something like that.”

Adora did not have the patience to unpack the implications of that. “Okay then. Do you want to crash at my place tonight? I’m not letting you walk home alone.”

Catra threw her head back and groaned dramatically, “Just call Entrapta. She can pick me up at the park.”

That seemed like the most roundabout way possible to handle this, but if it’s what Catra was comfortable with, she’d do it. Adora pulled out her phone and was pleasantly surprised to find that she still had Entrapta’s number saved from last season. The coxswain transferred to the Horde this season, which was apparently how Catra knew her.

The phone buzzed for a few rings before Entrapta picked up.

_Adora! Why are you calling me?_

“Hey Entrapta. I’m here with Catra and she’s really drunk so I’m trying to get her home. I was hoping you could help?”

_Oooh, sorry Adora, but no can do. I’m under strict orders from Catra not to tell anyone where she lives. Especially not you._

Adora turned to make eye contact with Catra. “She specifically mentioned me?” Catra just shrugged.

_Yes! She sat me down today and was all like ‘Entrapta if you tell Adora where I live or say anything about me and Scorpia or repeat anything I’ve said about her I’ll steal all of the remotes from your house and murder you violently while you sleep.’ You know how she gets._

Adora did know how she got. That didn’t explain why Catra didn’t want Adora knowing any of those things. “Wait, what?”

_Sorry, but I’ve already said too much! I don’t want her crying more than she already does._

Crying? Catra didn’t cry. Why was she crying? Was it because of Adora? What had Adora done to make her cry? “Look, Catra wants you to pick her up at the park by her house? I’m assuming you know where that is.”

_Oh yeah, I can totally do that!_

“Great, thanks,” Adora said, “We should be there in twenty minutes or so.”

_Sounds good!_ Entrapta chirped from the other side before hanging up. Adora sighed as she put the address of the park in her GPS and started pulling out of her spot.

“Entrapta’s going to meet us at the park,” Adora told Catra as she put the car in drive and made her way out of the neighborhood.

“Good,” Catra nodded before staring out the window, “I knew I could trust her.”

Adora made a frustrated noise under her breath. “And why can’t you trust me?”

“Can’t trust someone who always leaves,” Catra said as if it was the most obvious statement in the world.

The rest of the trip was made in silence. If Adora couldn’t convince sober Catra that she had never meant to leave, there was no way she would be able to convince drunk Catra.

When she pulled up to the park, Entrapta was there waiting outside of her car. Adora opened her door and made her way over to the passenger side to help Catra out. Catra glared at her, obviously offended at the offer for help, before making her way out of Adora’s car and into Entrapta’s silently.

“Thanks for looking after Catra,” Entrapta turned to Adora.

“It’s no problem. Will you text me when she’s home safe?” Adora asked.

“Sure thing,” Entrapta nodded, “And for the record? I think you’ll be able to get through to her someday.”

“Do you really think so?” Adora felt hope rush through her. So she had a chance!

“Oh yeah, definitely!” Entrapta smiled at her, “Although I will say I’m pretty sure you’re apologizing for the wrong thing right now.”

“What?” Adora stared at the purple haired girl blankly. What else was there to possibly apologize for other than signing onto Bright Moon?

Entrapta shrugged, “I don’t know the whole story, but I think this issue is deeper than you might realize.”

With that Entrapta got in her car and drove away. Adora got back in her own car and thought through what the coxswain could have possibly meant. She fell asleep that night replaying childhood memories, thinking of the way Weaver treated them, the way Weaver reacted when she left, the way Catra had yelled at her in the hotel. She racked her brain, searching for what Entrapta could have possibly meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I don't have to say this but just in case please don't slam two shots if you're already drunk that's just not going to end well!
> 
> Catra has a plot reason for not telling Adora where she lives she's not just being difficult for the fun of it I promise.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and have a happy holiday season! I hope to post one more time before I go back to work so keep your eyes peeled on the 2nd or 3rd. It's going to be an emotionally loaded chapter so be prepared!!


	7. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to dedicate this chapter to my sophomore year rowing coach who is the reason I can relate to the Catra/Weaver dynamic. She was so bad the head coach of our club hired a speaker to come in and talk to all of the coaches about how to be a positive coach, and she showed up to the meeting with knitting supplies and knitted through the whole thing. She was fired at the end of that season :)
> 
> This chapter also contains the first scene I wrote for this fic, so enjoy!

**-Fourth Grade: ten years ago, seven years before leaving-**

_Adora stared at the clock in her room intently, as she did every night. She watched the gentle progression of the second hand, and the rare but ever exciting movement of the minute hand. It was at 5 now; 10:25. Only five minutes to go._

_As she waited, she let her thoughts wander to her best friend. Catra coming to live with her was the best thing that could ever happen to her. Weaver was supposed to be Adora’s foster mother, but she wasn’t like family to her. No, after learning that both of Adora’s parents had been Olympic athletes, Weaver had been much more like Adora’s coach. She was constantly telling Adora how to eat healthy and telling her to spend more time outside running and climbing. Adora appreciated it, but she also wanted to watch TV on the couch and bake cookies and practice drawing._

_But Catra? Catra was Adora’s family. She wasn’t her sister or anything--Weaver was insistent on that fact, as if defining them as sisters would make them too close--but she was Adora’s person. She made Adora feel safe and happy, like a family should._

_Adora watched the minute hand slide neatly over the 6. She waited for exactly thirty ticks of the second hand, and then she heard a soft knock on her door. She sprang up excitedly and tiptoed over to her bedroom door._

_“Hi, Catra,” Adora whispered as she opened the door, taking care to go slow so it wouldn’t squeak._

_Catra rolled her eyes as she stepped into the room, “I told you, no talking until you close the door. Are you trying to get us caught?”_

_Adora remembered when they had been caught sharing a bed in second grade. Weaver had been furious. She gave them a talk on how they were supposed to be independent, and how relying on others was a sign of weakness. She had later pulled Adora aside and told her that Catra lacked potential and would only ever hold her back. She had also pulled Catra aside, but no matter how many times she asked she never learned what Weaver had said to her._

_“No,” Adora sighed. She always had trouble sleeping without Catra in the room. Despite living at Weaver’s house for almost four years, it still felt temporary. As if at any moment, she would be packed up and shipped off somewhere else. Catra was what made her room feel like_ hers _. So every night at 10:30, exactly half an hour after Weaver’s favorite show came on, Catra snuck over to Adora’s room to spend the night. Without fail, it was the highlight of Adora’s day._

_“Then shut up, idiot,” Catra giggled quietly before making her way over to Adora’s bed. She was holding the stuffed cat that Adora had given her the morning after the first time they shared a bed. Catra hadn’t had any toys, and Adora knew she liked cats so it just made sense._

_Adora climbed under the covers after Catra. They both rolled onto their sides so they could look at each other, with their legs lightly brushing against each other underneath the covers._

_“Why don’t you think Weaver lets us share a room?” Adora asked the silence of the room._

_Catra considered her question for a few moments, “I think she doesn’t want us to be friends. She wants us to compete against each other, and we won’t do it because we’re friends.”_

_“But we compete against each other all the time! I beat you to the cafeteria today,” Adora argued._

_“Yeah, and I beat you on the monkey bars, so we’re even,” Catra shot back, almost instinctively, “But don’t mean like that. I think she wants us to be mad at each other.”_

_“Why would being mad at each other be a good thing?” Adora didn’t understand. Catra was the best thing to happen to her; how could fighting with her be good?_

_“I don’t know, I just think that’s what she wants. Doesn’t she ever tell you things to make you mad at me?”_

_“Yeah, sometimes,” Adora admitted. Weaver often told her that she couldn’t trust Catra or that Catra was making Adora’s life more difficult. “But I would never be mad at you.”_

_“I’ll never be mad at you either,” Catra vowed, her eyes trained intently on Adora’s face, “And I’ll never leave you. We’re gonna work together to be the best.”_

_“Of course, Catra.” Adora could think of nothing better than staying by Catra’s side for the rest of her life. “It’ll always be us. I promise.”_

**-Present-**

>>Hey you’re going to the conference right?

Catra stared at the message for a few moments. Ever since Catra kissed Adora at the party and got rejected _yet again_ (although that really couldn’t be blamed on Adora this time; Catra had been really out of it) they hadn’t talked. Which was strange. Adora was always the type to want to talk things out, but there had been no attempts at a heart-to-heart at all. Catra had taken it as another sign that Adora did not think of her that way at all.

<<um yea why

>>Angella told me we should room together

>>For like appearances and stuff

Catra groaned. The last thing she wanted was to share a living space with Adora again. Because they shared hotel rooms in high school. They shared a hotel room that night. Catra didn’t need another one of those nights.

<<do we have to

>>She made it sound like it was not optional

>>She also already booked the room

Did Catra really have to go to this conference? They were always boring anyways. She didn’t care about the new boat models coming out this year and the talks on technique were always so slow they made her eyes glaze over. The only thing she actually listened to was the positive coaching seminar, which she always went to in Weaver’s stead because Weaver claimed that she already was a positive coach and didn’t need any advice. 

[New Message: To Shadow BITCH]

<<so im thinking of not going to the conference this year and spending the time with teammates instead

Weaver’s response was almost immediate.

>>You will do no such thing. It is your responsibility as team captain to attend. Bright Moon has even offered to pay for your hotel room.

<<but consider: you actually go to the coaching seminar that youre supposed to go to

>>Catra we’ve talked about this. You will go to the conference or I will have to reconsider your contract.

<<fine

>>Do not contact me again unless it’s an emergency.

Catra threw herself on her bed dramatically. So much for getting out of the conference. At least she didn’t have to pay for her room. She re-opened instagram to respond to Adora.

<<okay coach asshole says i have to go

<<so roommates it is ig

>>Sorry

<<not your fault

>>I’ll spend most of my time with Bow and Glimmer don’t worry

Yikes, Catra didn’t really know how to respond to that.

<<um okay

<<i wont murder you in your sleep

>>Thanks???

<<dont mention it

<<see u next week

**-Senior Year: Two Years Ago. One day after betrayal-**

_“Adora, please leave us. I would like to speak to Catra alone,” Weaver turned her icy glare towards Catra. Catra mentally ran through all of the things she had done since the last time Weaver yelled at her, but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what this would be about._

_“Okay,” Adora looked between Catra and Weaver awkwardly, “See you later, I guess.”_

_There was a silence as Weaver and Catra listened to the sound of Adora’s footsteps up the stairs. This was a common scene. Weaver would never yell at Catra when she knew Adora was listening because it scared Adora and made her feel guilty._

_Weaver waited until the soft sound of Adora’s door closing before speaking. “What’s this I hear about Adora leaving for Bright Moon?”_

_“What?” Catra stared at her blankly. Why was she talking to her about this? Adora was literally upstairs and would be more than happy to explain to Weaver how much she couldn’t stand her teammates and wanted to be rid of Catra as soon as possible._

_“Surely you know. Adora, our star athlete and beloved team captain, is leaving us,” Weaver said plainly._

_“Yeah, she told me yesterday. What about it?” Catra crossed her arms defensively._

_“Why is she leaving?” Weaver demanded._

_“I honestly couldn’t tell you.”_ Because she doesn’t love me.

_“Oh surely she told you the reason,” Weaver mused, “After all, you’re her best friend.”_

_“I’m sorry, but I don’t know. If only there was someone who knew what Adora was thinking all the time and understood all of the decisions she was making… Oh wait, she’s upstairs.” Catra smirked. She might have just lost the one thing she ever loved, but she could still get under Weaver’s skin._

_“Don’t get smart with me, child,” Weaver raised her voice ever so slightly. Catra instinctively felt fear rush through her, “But no matter. I think we both already know why she’s leaving.”_

_“We do?” Catra asked. She hated how small her voice sounded._

_“She’s leaving because of you,” Weaver stated as if reading the day’s weather, “Something you did made her want to leave.”_

_Of course. Of fucking_ course. _Adora decides to leave--completely independently, by the way--and yet who's at fault? Still Catra. Adora could commit a murder and Weaver would still find a way to blame it on Catra. It was so unfair it made her want to scream and rip her hair out and break a window. She was_ never _going to be enough for Weaver. She was never going to be enough for Adora. She was never going to be enough for anyone._

_“How is this my fault?” Catra should stop. It would only hurt her more to hear Weaver say what she already knew to be true. But the self-destructive part of her wanted to hear it._

_“That’s simple. If Adora truly loved you, she would have stayed. And yet she’s leaving. So why aren’t you enough for her, Catra?”_

_“Do you think I fucking know? Don’t you think I would fix it if I knew what was wrong? Thanks to you, I’ve spent my entire life trying to make her love me. But at the end of the day, she just doesn't.” Catra didn’t know why Adora didn’t want to stay. They were best friends. That had to count for something, right?_

_“Watch your language Catra,” Weaver said, “And do try to convince her to stay. I don’t have to tell you how much of a loss this will be for the Horde. Your rhythm is nothing without her power.”_

**-Present-**

“Ah yes, Miss Grayskull,” The receptionist beamed at Adora as she typed something into the system, “I have a standard room with a queen bed for two nights?”

“I’m sorry, did you just say _queen_ bed?” Adora asked, “As in only one?”

Catra had suspected something like this would happen when Angella was the one booking rooms. After all, it would be strange for a couple to have two beds in their shared room. That didn’t mean she wasn’t holding out hope that they wouldn’t have to share.

“Yes, only one bed. I’m sorry, was that not what you wanted?” The receptionist’s eyes flitted from Adora to Catra with confusion. From the way the woman’s eyes had lit up when Adora had started talking to her, it was obvious she knew who they were. Which meant they had to keep up appearances.

“No, of course not!” Catra elbowed Adora in the side as hard as she could. “One bed is _perfect,_ isn’t it princess?”

Adora turned to her with wide eyes. Catra wasn’t sure if it was because of the elbow to the side or the use of the nickname or the willingness to share. “Catra, are you su--”

“--Don’t mind this one,” Catra smiled at the receptionist playfully, desperately trying to save face, “She is the _worst_ blanket hog, I swear. Sharing a bed with her is like a game of tug-of-war, so last night I threatened to change the booking to two beds.” That wasn’t even a lie. Adora hogged blankets like her life depended on it.

“I really thought you were going to go through with it,” Adora smiled, finally getting with the program.

“And miss a chance to cuddle with the hottest rower in the division? Not a chance,” Catra said with a wink, enjoying the way Adora stammered next to her.

“So you want this room key, right?” The poor receptionist looked between them with confusion.

“Yes!” Adora reached for the key a little too quickly, “Thank you! And sorry for the confusion. Really. I bet you don’t get paid enough to deal with this.”

“Okay, let’s get you to bed,” Catra gently nudged Adora away from the desk. She needed this conversation to be over yesterday.

“Have a nice evening,” The receptionist called out behind them, obviously under the impression they were going to have a lot more fun in their room than they actually would.

The elevator up to their room was silent. Adora was very clearly stunned at what Catra had just said about her and Catra was doing her best to phrase “Adora you’re such a fucking idiot are you trying to get us caught?” in a more constructive way.

They found their room in silence before opening the door. They both put their stuff on opposite sides of the room silently. There was a tension building in the room; every moment nothing was said it became clearer that _someone_ was going to have to say something eventually. Catra doubted it would be Adora. She never did well in new social situations.

“You can’t freak out every time someone implies we’re going to do couple-y things. That just makes people suspicious,” Catra finally broke the silence, turning to look at Adora.

Adora kept her back to Catra as she responded, “Sorry, I just didn’t want you to have to share a bed with me.”

There was a pause. Catra _hated_ how Adora’s voice sounded right now; so full of self-loathing and insecurity. It took everything within her not to tell Adora that she didn’t really mind sharing a bed with Adora--she actually quite liked it, if she was being honest. It was just the _memories_ she didn’t want to relive.

Adora, for some ungodly reason, seemed to take the silence as a cue to keep going, “We don’t have to share the bed. I can sleep on the floor if you want.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor, Adora.” Catra couldn’t contain her sigh. Would it kill Adora to stop sacrificing herself for one minute? “I’m fine with sharing the bed if you are.”

“You are?” Adora finally turned around to look at Catra, confusion painted across her face.

“I’m an adult, Adora. I think I can handle sharing a bed for two nights,” Catra rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but last time we shared--”

“--I’m not going to be able to sleep with you murdering your back on the floor.” Catra cut Adora off before she could bring up that night. Although the damage was done. Now Catra was thinking of the rejection again, and her mind was spinning. Maybe Adora wasn’t trying to be polite and she was actually trying to get out of sharing a bed with her? Did Catra make her that uncomfortable?

Another pause. “Okay.”

Adora sat on the bed awkwardly, as if Catra would change her mind if she made one wrong move. Catra set to work unpacking her suitcase. They were only staying for two nights and she had never bothered unpacking her stuff in a hotel room before, but she needed something to do with her hands right now.

After unpacking everything, she decided it was time to shower. She gathered up all her things and turned to Adora. “I’m going to shower now.”

Adora glanced up from her phone and nodded. Catra made her way into the bathroom and turned the shower up as hot as possible. She was tired from the drive over and definitely needed to destress. But her mind kept on wandering to that night and how Adora probably hated sharing a bed with her and how Adora would never feel the same.

And now she was going to have to share a bed with her and not cuddle. It was going to take every ounce of Catra’s willpower to maintain her boundaries, but she had to. She couldn’t risk Adora figuring out just how far gone she was.

No longer wanting to be alone with her thoughts, Catra shut the water off and got out of the shower. She dried off and brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas before returning to the main room. Adora was sitting in the same place Catra had left her, typing on her phone and frowning slightly. She looked up when Catra walked closer to the bed.

“I’m done in the bathroom if you need it,” Catra said, as if that wasn’t already obvious.

“Okay,” Adora said before standing up and making her way to the bathroom. There was the sound of the water turning on as Catra scrolled through her phone aimlessly looking for anything to distract her.

After a few minutes, the water shut off. Catra could hear Adora moving around the bathroom and then the door opened and there was Adora wearing nothing but a towel. Her skin was pink from the steam of the shower, there was nothing covering her shoulders, and a drop of water was rolling down the side of her neck. It took Catra a few moments too long to tear her eyes away.

“Sorry, I forgot to bring my pajamas,” Adora apologized as she made her way over to her suitcase and rummaged around for a few moments.

“It’s fine.” Catra kept her eyes determinedly focused on her phone screen. Adora grabbed whatever else it was she needed and made her way back into the bathroom. There was a few minutes of rustling and the hum of a toothbrush before Adora returned to the main room, now in an old t-shirt and shorts.

They sat on the bed in silence. It was still too early to go to bed but it was too late to actually do anything. Catra wanted to jump out of the window.

“You know, when I left I thought that Weaver was going to be pissed,” Adora finally said. Catra didn’t really know how to respond to her--and didn’t particularly _want_ to respond to her--so she just stared at the wall in front of her. After a beat of silence, Adora continued, “But she wasn’t really. She gave me a speech about how I was wasting my potential and would regret my decision later, but it was way calmer than I expected. She didn’t even yell at me.”

Catra turned to look at her, unsure exactly what to say. It sounded like she was trying to confess something, but she hadn’t said anything both of them didn’t already know.

Adora held her eye contact as she continued, “But after seeing the way Weaver treats you and kind of reflecting on our childhood and stuff I realized…”

Catra raised an eyebrow. Adora took a deep breath. “She was really pissed wasn’t she? Just not in front of me.”

There was another silence as Adora looked at her with pleading eyes. Catra weighed over her options: she could come clean and explain to Adora just how poorly Weaver treated her, or she could push her ex-friend away yet again.

“Yeah, she was pissed,” Catra nodded. She was tired of pushing people away. She had spent the better part of the last two years completely alone, and she needed emotional support.

“Oh,” Adora said, obviously not sure what else to say, “Are you okay?”

Catra could feel the tears beginning to form. She blinked them away. “Do you want to know what she said to me when you decided to leave?”

“If you’re comfortable telling me,” Adora wrapped her arm around Catra’s shoulders and pulled Catra closer to her.

Catra let her head rest on Adora’s shoulder, “She told me that it was my fault. She said that you left because I wasn’t good enough for you, and if you truly--” Catra took a shaky breath. She couldn’t talk about love, not tonight. “--if you truly cared about me the way I cared about you, you would have stayed.”

“Oh, Catra,” Adora mumbled sympathetically. She pulled Catra even closer to her, and Catra wrapped her arms around Adora’s midsection. They were both twisted awkwardly, but Catra needed to be held so desperately that she didn’t care. “Did you believe her?”

Catra let her forehead rest on the junction of Adora’s neck and shoulder. “Of course I did. How else was I supposed to explain to myself why you left!”

One of Adora’s hands made their way into Catra’s hair, where they tangled through the wavy strands gently. “You could’ve just asked me why I decided to go. I would have told you. I was planning on telling you, actually.”

“I was scared that Weaver was right, and if I asked you you would tell me you hated me to my face,” Catra could feel herself choking up. In a few moments there would be nothing to stop the tears. “I didn’t want to give you the chance.”

“I never hated you,” Adora insisted with so much sincerity it hurt, “I never thought you were holding me back. You were my best friend, Catra. Why would you think I hated you?”

Catra remembered the rejection. The way Adora called her a distraction, the way Catra begged her to love her and Adora had refused. But there was no way for her to explain this to Adora, not without bringing up her feelings. “Weaver always told me you secretly hated me. Every time I got in trouble, she told me that the only reason you even talked to me was because you took pity on me. I never really believed her, but after a while you really internalize that shit.”

“I promise everything that Weaver told you was a blatant lie. You were my favorite person. You still are, if I’m being honest. I never wanted to leave you or get rid of you or whatever else Weaver tried to tell you.” The arm around Catra tightened, pulling their bodies closer together. Catra could feel Adora’s body heat, even through their clothes.

“So then why did you leave?” Catra asked in an attempt to hide the tears that were slowly but surely making their way down her cheeks. Hopefully, if she could just keep her face pressed against Adora’s neck, she wouldn’t notice.

Adora took a deep breath. Catra could feel the way her body rose with the inhale and fell with the exhale. “Well, the main reason was because I couldn’t support what the Horde was doing. I was only in high school and my face was already all over the recruiting material. They used me to get kids excited about joining. I just couldn’t let myself be part of an organization that treats their athletes like that.”

There was another silence as Adora dropped her hand from Catra’s hair to stroke her back soothingly. It confused Catra until she realized she was audibly sobbing into the other girl’s neck.

“But in a backwards sort of way, Weaver was also right. I did leave because of you. But not because I hated you or wanted to be rid of you. I was pretty oblivious in high school--”

“--You still are,” Catra couldn’t help but jab halfheartedly.

“Yeah, well some things never change I guess. Back in high school, it took me way longer than it should have to realize just how badly Weaver was treating us. But you, specifically. In the middle of senior year, I started realizing that Weaver wasn’t mad at the boat when we didn’t make weight, she was mad at you. And then I just kind of connected the dots and realized that you skipped meals when I ate seconds and stuff,” Adora paused to pull Catra completely into her lap. Normally, Catra would have fought back. Tonight, she went willingly.

“But whenever I tried to talk to you about it, you kind of denied it was happening? At the time I thought you were like me and just didn’t realize that you were being manipulated. So I decided that the best course of action would be to find a better team for us to move to. I was scared that you would get sucked into lightweight, so I looked at Bright Moon. I met Angella and she said that she would sign us both over. I didn’t think scores would be an issue.”

“You’re an idiot,” Catra told Adora’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I was. But I had this whole plan where I was going to surprise you after Nationals by telling you we would never have to row lightweight again. And, well, you know how that went.” Adora finished her story awkwardly.

“Why didn’t you just tell me after you talked with Angella?” Catra asked quietly. She was still registering the fact that the very event she had used to convince herself Adora hated her was actually an act of love. Platonic love, but love all the same.

“I thought you would freak out. Which, to be fair, I was totally right about. But I thought that you were scared of Weaver, so if I waited until we didn’t have to live with her anymore you would be more receptive,” Adora explained. Now, both of her hands were on Catra’s waist, holding her in place comfortingly.

“So you never hated me?” By now Catra knew the answer. But she needed to hear those words again.

“I’ve never hated you Catra. I’ve never even come close. I lo-- I _care_ about you so much. All I wanted to do was protect you. I’m so sorry I didn’t communicate with you and made you feel like I hated you. I’m sorry I made you feel worthless and left you to deal with Weaver on your own. I get now why youre so hurt. I broke all of those promises we made about it being us against the world. I should've trusted that we could have figured this whole thing out together.” Up to this point, Catra had been crying quite attractively. Pretty, single tears cascading slowly down her cheeks like in the movies. But after hearing those words, any hope of pretty crying was out the window.

“I’m so sorry, Adora,” Catra finally choked out between sobs. She had never felt such relief in her life. It felt like the calm that came after taking a deep breath. She had spent so long convincing herself she was unloveable, and yet here Adora was, loving her despite everything that happened.

“What are you apologizing for?” The confusion was evident in Adora’s voice. 

Catra finally tore her face from its comfortable position in the crook of Adora’s neck to look at her friend. “Because you did all this stuff for me and I treated you like absolute garbage.”

“It’s not your fault, you were upset and being manipulated,” Adora shook her head firmly, “I should have communicated with you better.”

“No, I ghosted you for two years instead of just letting you tell your side of the story. I was an asshole and a horrible friend and what I did was completely out of proportion.” Catra stared Adora down. She was going to make this idiot accept her apology if it was the last thing she did.

“It’s really okay. You were hurting. I get it,” Adora said, clearly not getting it.

“Adora, can you let go of your savior complex for a couple of minutes? Yeah, you hurt me bad. You broke my trust and left me with Weaver and that hurt. But just because you made a stupid decision doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to treat you like that. Stop punishing yourself.”

“I’m not though,” Adora said, sounding genuinely confused.

“Yes, you are,” Catra insisted, “You’ve been letting me walk all over you and now you won’t even accept my apology.”

Adora sighed, “You know, I think you’d actually get along well with Glimmer if you gave each other the chance. She calls me out on this all the time.”

“Good. Someone has to do it.” Catra leaned forward to bury her face in the crook of Adora’s neck again in an attempt to hide the jealousy that overtook her. She knew Adora had new friends, and obviously Adora would have at some time or another turned to them for emotional support. It just hurt that for these past two years, Catra hadn’t been that person.

“Yeah,” Adora agreed. There was a silence as Catra waited patiently for Adora to admit that Catra was in the wrong. With every passing moment, it was becoming clear that such a realization wasn’t going to come.

“So?” Catra prompted her gently.

“What?” Adora mumbled back.

“I’m sorry for overreacting and being a shitty friend,” Catra tried again.

“Okay,” Adora nodded, “I accept your apology. On one condition.”

Catra raised an eyebrow, “And what’s that?”

“I want us to be friends again. I know it will take time for you to trust me again after I abandoned you, but I can’t earn your trust if you keep on shutting me out.”

“Okay. I can do that,” Catra nodded. 

Adora smiled at her, bright and beautiful and full of hope. “Thank you, Catra.”

They sat like that for a while, just enjoying the feeling of being close to one another after such a long time apart.

That night, Catra let herself settle in Adora’s arms, with her head nuzzled in her neck. It was so comforting to cuddle with someone warm. Catra had missed it more than she cared to admit.

As Adora’s breathing evened out, Catra thought about their agreement. If she was being honest, she had completely fallen apart without Adora. Now that she had the option to have Adora back in her life, she had to take it. For the sake of her not crashing and burning.

But she also couldn’t repeat high school. She had spent those four years waiting for Adora to gain feelings or act on the mounting tension between them. She couldn’t do that again, no matter how warm Adora was or how easy it was to settle into her arms. At the end of the day, she needed to make some boundaries with herself. And step one was erasing any lingering hope that Adora loved her from her mind.

Which was easier said than done when Adora sleepily buried her face in Catra’s hair and tightened her grip around her midsection. Catra couldn’t stop herself from instinctually shifting back into the touch. Maybe eradicating hope could wait until tomorrow.

**-Senior Year: Two years ago, one night before betrayal-**

_“Catra, I can’t sleep,” Adora’s voice caused Catra to open her eyes._

_“Adora, it’s been like five minutes. Give it time,” Catra sighed, glaring at the wall in front of her. She wasn’t about to give the other girl the satisfaction of rolling over to face her._

_“I’m not going to be able to sleep. I’m too nervous,” Adora protested, and that got Catra’s attention. Adora, nervous about something?_

_Catra rolled over to meet the other girl’s eyes. Weaver was always cutting corners, so the bed wasn’t very big. Which meant Adora’s face was close. But Catra couldn’t shift back now, not without making it weird._

_“Why the fuck are you nervous? It’s just a race. We’ve done so many of those,” Catra pointed out, not believing Adora._

_Adora frowned, “But this is Nationals! Do you know how huge it would be if we won this? We would be able to sign onto any team we wanted.”_

_It was true. Most of the pro teams only paid attention to junior rowing at Nationals, which meant the boat’s performance at other regattas were pretty much useless. At the end of the day, it was just your numbers and your placement at Nationals that got you signed to a pro team. And, in Catra’s case, her weight._

_“So? Weaver’s moving up to the pro team next year. We both know she’ll sign us.”_

_“But haven’t you ever wondered what other teams are like?” Adora whispered as if Weaver could hear them now. Knowing Weaver, she probably could, “We don’t have to spend our entire lives in the Horde. Weaver’s not even our legal guardian anymore.”_

_Catra hesitated. Their entire lives, it had been them rising up through the Horde’s boats. They had started together, two novices in the lowest boat and had fought their way up to the varsity four and eight. That was their plan: to move up, to keep on moving up until they were in the top boat on the team. Why was Adora backing down now?_

_“But we’ve always been in the Horde. If we switched, we would have to start all of our progress from scratch. Not to mention all the other teams have toxic cultures.” That much was true. Weaver always told them horror stories about the other team’s conditions._

_“Yeah, we have good teammates here,” Adora agreed, her eyes glazing over wistfully, “Remember that team sleepover last summer? That was so fun.”_

_Of course Catra remembered that team sleepover. They had gotten drunk and someone had proposed that they all go skinny dipping. Catra remembered watching as Adora carelessly stripped down to her underwear and then to nothing at all. It was an image she thought about often, even if she tried not to. The firmness of her shoulders, the perkiness of her round breasts, the flat planes of her stomach, the v at the end of her abdomen, the toned muscle of her ass, the thickness of her thighs. Yeah, Catra remembered that sleepover alright. She had remembered it almost every night since it happened._

_But Adora couldn’t know that. Catra scrunched her nose in fake disgust, “Oh, you mean the sleepover where everyone talked about boys? Gross.”_

_Adora laughed, a sound that made Catra release a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, “Well, yeah, I guess. Why, did you not enjoy that?”_

_“No. I just don’t get all the hype,” Catra did her best to sound nonchalant. Catra loved Adora, trusted her with her life, but at the end of the day, Adora was Weaver’s golden girl: good grades, flawless technique, insane scores. And, of course, straight. There was no way Adora could understand this part of Catra’s struggle. Just like she would never understand how Catra protected her from Weaver._

_“You mean about boys?” Adora, who had been looking down at the comforter for the majority of the conversation, let her eyes drift up to meet Catra’s. Even in the dark, Catra could tell they were that intense blue she loved so much._

_“Yeah, like what’s the big deal? Literally none of them are attractive. Like, at all. I would never want to date one,” Catra insisted. There was a silence as Adora gave her a considering glance. Catra needed to save face somehow, “Is that weird? Maybe I’m just a late bloomer.” They both knew they were too far along for Catra to be a late bloomer._

_“No, I don’t think it’s weird. There are other girls that think like that too,” Adora reassured her. Catra was suddenly aware of how close their hands were, laid out on the comforter between them._

_And yeah, there were. Lonnie had come out years ago, and there was that tall girl on the openweight team who was out. But Catra didn’t particularly care about how they thought. Adora was the only one that mattered._

_“What girls?” Catra threw caution to the wind to ask. She knew it was a lost cause, that there was no way Adora thought like that. If Adora was really into her, surely she would have taken one of the many opportunities Catra had given her to make a move? But some part of her so desperately wanted Adora to be gay. Because if she wasn’t, that meant that Catra had made their entire connection up in her head. It meant that Catra wasn’t as special to Adora as Adora was to Catra._

_Adora hesitated. She seemed to be debating something in her head. Finally, she responded, “I dunno… Lonnie I guess. And others.”_

_“I don’t want Lonnie,” Catra said, a little too quickly. Adora noticed it too, and her eyes widened._

_Adora moved her hand until it was on top of Catra’s. Catra inhaled sharply as Adora continued looking at her, her expression determined like it always got at the beginning of a hard workout. There was a silence as they stared at each other and Catra tried to ignore the nervous sparks that flitted through her at the contact and what it might mean._

_“It doesn’t have to be Lonnie,” Adora whispered like it was a secret._

_Catra shifted her body as if adjusting, but as a result she was now ever so slightly closer to Adora. In return, Adora’s hand moved slowly up from Catra’s hand to her forearm, and then to rest on her elbow. Adora almost looked scared as she used her thumb to rub circles on Catra’s bicep._

_“If not Lonnie, then who?” Catra asked, her voice shaky and vulnerable. She couldn’t look at Adora’s eyes right now, they were too emotional, so she glued her eyes to the stupid hotel art on the wall behind her. She would remember the lines of those fucking abstract trees for the rest of her life._

_“Oh, Catra,” Adora breathed. Her hand journeyed upward, to Catra’s shoulder. Again, a pause. Catra closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. She was either about to have her entire world shattered or get friendzoned so hard she would never recover. She had no idea which option was more terrifying._

_Catra finally found the strength to open her eyes again. She found Adora’s trained on her intently, looking at her with absolute unguarded_ adoration _. Catra couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a dream. There was just no way._

_“There are so many women who would be lucky to have you, Catra,” Adora broke the tense silence again. There was a small smile on the other girl’s lips._

_“Who?” Catra asked again._

_Adora moved her hand from Catra’s shoulder to cup her cheek. Catra let Adora tilt her face up ever so slightly. And_ oh, _they were even closer than Catra had realized. They were mere inches from each other now. And Adora was looking at her lips with intention. Catra shifted her body closer and brought her own hand up to rest on Adora’s wrist, signaling to Adora that she better not dare move her hand._

_“Adora, who?” Catra asked a third time, with pure desperation in her voice. She didn’t know why Adora was hesitating. Why couldn’t she just kiss her?_

_Adora leaned forward and brought their foreheads together. Catra could hear her heartbeat thrumming desperately in her ears. It felt like she was going to explode, like all of the nervous energy she had ever felt around Adora had conglomerated in her bloodstream and was threatening to destroy her. And all Catra could do about it was stare at Adora’s soft, soft, lips, willing the other girl to take the fucking hint._

_“Oh,_ Catra _,” Adora said her name with so much yearning, “Catra… I--”_

 _“--Tell me, Adora. Tell me who would be lucky to have me,” Catra pleaded. She pleaded with Adora, with whatever higher power was out there._ Please just let me have this. Let me be happy about one fucking thing.

_“Catra, I,” Adora began, before cutting herself off, “I’m so sorry. We need to talk after the season’s over.”_

_“What?” Did Catra seriously just get cockblocked by a fucking sport?_

_“I’m sorry. It’s just… tomorrow’s such a big deal. We can’t go in with distractions.”_

_Distractions. So that’s all that Catra was to her. Catra had to hold back tears as her heart fractured. So much for getting her hopes up, for thinking she could actually mean something to the other girl. She should have known better. “Oh.”_

_Catra’s heartbreak must have been written all over her face, because Adora’s eyes widened in panic. “Catra, no, that’s not what I meant! It’s just that a change in our dynamic now could change the whole boat. It’s one day, then we’ll talk. I promise.”_

_As far as Catra was concerned, their dynamic had already been irreversibly changed. But Adora could go on thinking that things were normal if that helped her sleep tonight._

_“Catra, talk to me please,” Adora said after a few moments of tense silence. Catra could hear the panic in the other girl’s voice. Good._

_“Fine. We’ll talk after the stupid race tomorrow and everything will be rainbows and unicorns. Happy?” Catra snapped as she pushed Adora’s hand off of her face. She missed the warmth immediately, but the heat from the rage and confusion slowly seething in her made up for it._

_“We_ will _talk. We’ll work it out. We always do,” Adora insisted._

 _“Yeah, well, just try not to let me_ distract _you too much tomorrow, hotshot,” Catra shot back bitterly before turning her back to Adora._

 _Catra didn’t sleep that night. She was too angry at herself for thinking she could be good enough for Adora and too confused at Adora’s actions. How could the other girl look at her so fondly and touch her cheek so gently only to call her a_ distraction? _Catra’s only comfort was the fact that Adora’s breathing never evened out all night either. At least the other girl was losing sleep over this too, whatever_ this _was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing friends to lovers because it's always like  
> Catra: Adora and I grew up together. We know everything about each other and I understand her on a level no one else does.  
> Adora: *says "anyone would be lucky to have you" in reference to dating, initiates multiple kisses, tells Catra she likes to be called princess, cuddles with Catra whenever she gets the chance*  
> Catra: I guess the way Adora feels about me is a mystery :'(
> 
> Okay so I honestly have no idea when the next chapter's coming out. I have basically every chapter BUT the next chapter written and I was just hit with a huge wave of ~writer's block~ so who knows when it'll get written? I do have the outline and plan already and I'm happy to report that it will be a little bit more like the classic fake dating fics (aka yearning and spending large amounts of time lying to others about being together).
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Reader interaction always makes my day.


	8. November-December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is coming out so late but the month of January really hit me like a truck (and I did, in fact, get rear ended by a truck; don't worry everyone's fine!!) so I wasn't really able to get any writing in until this week.
> 
> This chapter goes out to my best friend and roommate who watched She-Ra with me and told me the only way the two of us could have a relationship as fulfilling as Catradora would be if we dated each other and then also told me out of all of our friends I was the one she could most be herself with. Then she opened her tinder matches and showed me someone she thought was super hot and told me she hasn't had true romantic feelings for someone since high school. (Don't worry, the irony of me having romantic tension with my roommate and best friend is not lost on me)

**-Present-**

[From: BFS!!!]

>>[Bow] Omg Adora I’m so sorry but I think we have a problem

<<???

<<Is everything okay

>>[Bow] Yeah I’m fine

>>[Bow] It’s just

>>[Bow] I was talking to my dads about Christmas this year…

>>[Glimmer] Wait can they not host this year?

>>[Glimmer] That’s fine, I’m sure my parents would love to!

After Bow and Glimmer realized that Adora had literally nowhere to go for Christmas, they had decided to make a new tradition with their families. Both Bow and Glimmer’s parents had agreed to host the three of them each holiday season, rotating between households. Bow’s parents had hosted the first year and Glimmer’s parents hosted the second (spending the holidays with her coach was a bit weird but Adora got over it). That meant it was time for them to go to Bow’s house again.

>>[Bow] Oh no they're more than happy to host

>>[Bow] In fact, they’re a little too excited to host?

>>[Glimmer] Explain

>>[Bow] Long story short, they’re inviting Catra too

>>[Glimmer] WHAT

<<Um why are they inviting her?

>>[Bow] Well, as you know, they saw the announcement that you two are dating

>>[Bow] And they’ve shipped you ever since

>>[Bow] And they know Catra’s situation is probably similar to Adora’s

>>[Bow] So they wanted to extend the invitation

Adora sighed at her phone. While Bow, Glimmer, Angella, and Micah knew her and Catra were fake, Lance and George did not. That was mostly because the moment they heard the announcement they had, reportedly, burst into tears about the beauty of young love and no one wanted to be the person to burst their bubble.

But letting them think she was dating Catra and inviting Catra over for a week were two totally different things. And while things with Catra were going much better recently--she had been unblocked and they were friends on snapchat again--they weren’t going _that_ well.

<<Can’t we just tell them she’s busy??

>>[Bow] You know my dads, it’s going to take a lot to talk them out of it

>>[Bow] They’d probably want to hear from Catra herself that she had somewhere to go

>>[Glimmer] Well fuck

>>[Glimmer] What if we just told them it’s fake?

<<I don’t think they could handle the heartbreak

>>[Bow] And I don’t trust them to not tell the historical society the second they find out

<<Okay, I’ll just explain the situation to Catra then

<<We can work out what we want to do from there

>>[Glimmer] When are you seeing her next?

<<We’re getting coffee in like five minutes

>>[Glimmer] O damn

>>[Bow] Good luck

“Hello? Earth to Adora?” Catra’s voice came from across the table. Adora looked up to see her friend taking a seat next to her. She was wearing her hair in a messy bun and smiling in a way that made Adora’s heart stop.

“Oh, Catra! You’re here,” Adora did her best to smile back, but she was a little distracted by trying to figure out exactly how to invite her to Christmas.

“Um, yeah? You do remember our plans, right?” Catra gave Adora a scrutinizing look.

“Of course!” Adora laughed, “Sorry, I was just texting Bow and Glimmer. Are you ready to order?”

“Sure,” Catra nodded. They stood up and got in line, their hands brushing against each other as they walked. Adora didn’t know what to do. Should she grab Catra’s hand? They were supposed to be on a “date,” so surely that was okay, right? But what if Catra didn’t want to hold hands? The last thing she wanted was to make Catra uncomfortable, especially now that they were friends again.

Adora was jolted out of her internal monologue by the feeling of Catra’s hand in hers. She stared down at where Catra had joined their hands before looking back up at the other girl.

“You good?” Catra tilted her head to the side with concern. Her cheeks were just a little more pink than usual. Was she wearing blush?

“Yeah, sorry,” Adora shrugged as she turned to look at the menu, “Just a little distracted I guess.”

“What, is dating me not entertaining enough for you, princess?” Catra teased with a wink. Adora’s heart sank. Catra looked so happy that Adora almost forgot that this entire thing was fake. But Catra didn’t like Adora like that; she didn’t even like Adora enough to kiss her sober.

Catra’s face fell when Adora took too long to respond, “You know I’m just kidding, right? You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”

“No! That’s not it at all! I want to be here, I promise,” Adora backtracked, “I just have a lot going on right now, that’s all.”

“If you say so,” Catra shrugged before stepping up to the cashier and ordering. Adora followed suit, and soon they were back at their table with drinks in hand. Adora busied herself stirring her drink with a straw, praying that Catra would come up with a conversation topic that magically lent itself to a conversation about Christmas.

“Okay, are you just going to zone out this entire time or are you actually going to tell me what’s wrong?” Catra crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair pointedly.

Adora sighed. She might as well just rip the bandaid off. “What are your plans for Christmas?”

“Adora, what?” Catra blinked back at her, “Don’t change the subject! At least tell me you don’t want to talk about it if you’re not comfortable telling me. I thought we were going to work on communicating.”

Oh, now Catra looked hurt, sitting across from Adora and staring down at her mug. She almost looked smaller, as if her self-confidence was the only part of her that took up space. What Adora wouldn’t do to comfort her with a hug.

“No, I’m not changing the subject. This is relevant I promise,” Adora settled on saying instead.

Catra furrowed her brow, “Um, okay. I guess I hadn't really made plans yet? I usually go over to Scorpia’s house but that’s probably not a great idea.”

“Okay,” Adora took a deep breath, “Because Bow’s dads are having me and Bow and Glimmer over this year and they wanted me to extend an invitation to you.”

“They _what_?” Catra’s eyes widened in shock.

“They want you to come. To Christmas,” Adora did her best to explain, “They know we grew up together at Weaver’s so they figured you were like me and probably didn’t have anywhere to go.”

“So? They don't even know me. Why would they bother inviting me?”

“Well, we may or may not be their favorite celebrity couple,” Adora winced a little as she said it.

Catra’s eyes widened, “Oh, so they don’t… They don’t know?”

“We were going to tell them but when they got the announcement they literally called me in tears congratulating me and I just didn’t have the heart to explain it to them,” Adora sighed, “They knew a little bit of our backstory so they’re convinced we’re long lost lovers or whatever.”

“So if I go we would have to pretend the entire time?” Catra asked cautiously.

Adora nodded, “At least whenever they’re in the room. Obviously you can say no, but we’ve been trying to tell them you already have plans and they’ve been pretty insistent. You’d probably have to meet them in person to explain to them why you can’t come.”

“Really?” Catra asked, seemingly weighing her options.

“Yeah. They’ve wanted to meet you for a while. I really thought we could make it until January but apparently not,” Adora continued.

Catra frowned slightly. “What’s January?”

“Our fake break up,” Adora reminded her. Which was strange because she remembered Catra saying she was going to mark her calendar with the exact date this would be over.

“Right, our break up,” Catra nodded. There was a silence as they both stared at each other. Adora was sure Catra was still looking forward to ending this, but part of Adora wanted this to continue. These few dates would be the only time she would ever be able to hold Catra’s hand and flirt with her openly and tell her she was beautiful. She wanted to hold onto those moments for as long as possible.

“So, anyways, it’s really your decision,” Adora broke the silence when she couldn’t bear it anymore, “I’m fine with whatever you decide.”

“You’re fine with me encroaching on your Christmas tradition?” Catra asked with uncertainty.

“You wouldn’t be encroaching, you’re my friend too!” Adora insisted, “In fact, I’d love for you to spend time with Bow and Glimmer now that we’re in a better place. I think you’d like them.”

Catra smiled softly for a few seconds before responding. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

“Wait, really? You want to come to Christmas?” Adora did her best to hide her shock but she was pretty sure she failed. Catra really wanted to spend the holidays with her? The thought made Adora feel warm and fuzzy.

“Sure. It’s not like I have plans or anything,” Catra shrugged in an effort to appear nonchalant. But Adora knew what a big step this was for Catra.

“Awesome! I’ll let Lance and George know!” Adora said with too much enthusiasm. But she didn’t care; she was going to spend Christmas with Catra again!

**-Seventh Grade: six years ago, five years before leaving-**

_“Catra, look! It’s snowing,” Adora’s voice cut through Catra’s sleep. Catra cracked her eyes open to see Adora hovering over her in bed, eyes wide and bright._

_“What time is it?” Catra complained. Weaver had brought them to this lame cabin in the middle of nowhere to_ relax, _not so they could continue waking up at six am._

_Adora shrugged, “Time to get up! I want to make a snowman!”_

_“You want to_ what?” _Catra squinted at the bright light in the room. Whatever time it was, it was far too early for this. How Adora could always wake up so chipper was a mystery to Catra._

_“Make a snowman! You know, like they do in the movies!” Adora explained as if Catra didn’t know what a snowman was._

_Catra finally sat up, “Do you even know how to do that?”_

_“No,” Adora scooted back so she was no longer directly on top of Catra, “But I’m sure we can figure it out. You’re super smart. Everyone says so.”_

_Catra suppressed a smile as warmth rushed through her. It wasn’t a new reaction or anything; she was always just a little too flattered by Adora’s compliments. But it still managed to catch her off guard every time._

_“Fine, I guess we’ll figure it out,” Catra sighed as theatrically as possible. Their city didn’t get snow, so this would be her first opportunity to actually play in the snow, and she was very excited. And she was even more excited to share the experience with Adora. Adora, who was her best friend and crush and the prettiest person in school. Adora, who had just called her_ smart _and whose first reaction to snow had been to wake up Catra._

_“Yes! Let’s go,” Adora exclaimed before running out of the room._

_“Let me get dressed first, idiot,” Catra called behind her. She didn’t really know what to wear for the snow. She knew it was supposed to be cold, but like how cold? It really didn’t look that cold outside, but it only snowed in the winter. She should probably wear gloves, right? What was Adora going to wear?_

_Catra finally settled on both the jacket and gloves. She hated being cold more than anything. She met Adora in the living room of the cabin, careful to be quiet so as to not wake Weaver. The only thing scarier than Weaver normally was Weaver on less than eight hours of sleep._

_Adora was already standing at the door, and when she saw Catra approaching she threw it open unceremoniously. They were confronted with a field of_ white. _Just fresh, white, sparkling snow all around them. It was on the ground, it was on the trees, it was on Weaver’s car._

_“Let’s go!” Adora called out gleefully before launching herself into the snow, only to fall on her face when her foot sank deep into the snow. There was a brief pause before Adora sat up and looked around with a bewildered look. Catra laughed to cover up for the fact that it was one of the cutest things she had ever seen._

_“You’re such an idiot!” Catra jeered, “Don’t you know snow is slippery?”_

_Adora smiled back at her, “I do now! And look, I almost made a snow angel!”_

_Adora pointed to the outline of her body in the snow. It did look really close to a snow angel. Leave it to Adora to mess up in such a skilled way. And with that stupid, bright smile on her face and that unbreakable attitude that made Catra feel like nothing could ever go wrong and the world was perfect. Adora was so annoying._

_“Whatever. That’s just beginner’s luck,” Catra scoffed from her spot in the doorway. She didn’t trust this snow at all, but Adora didn’t need to know that._

_“Are you coming out or not?” Adora deflected as she stood up and extended her hand for Catra to take._

_Catra rolled her eyes and marched past Adora, pointedly ignoring the hand that was offered to her. As she trudged further out in the field, she could hear the sound of Adora’s footsteps behind her._

_“You know, I think here’s a good spot for a snowman,” Adora was saying, motioning to the spot in front of her._

_Catra shrugged, “I guess. How do you even make a snowman?”_

_“I don’t know! We’ll just have to figure it out,” Adora all but beamed at the challenge before gathering the snow at her feet into a somewhat passable ball. Catra knelt down to help her, and soon they were laughing as they tried to shape the sorry mass of snow before them._

_They tried to make it have multiple sections. They really did. They rolled three snowballs and everything. But they just couldn’t manage to stick the second snowball on the first one without it falling on one of them. So they finally settled for making one large snow blob and then attempting to shape it after the fact._

_After a solid stretch of steady work, they stepped back to admire their work. And then burst into laughter when they realized just how_ bad _it looked. They had somehow managed to make a snow alien, with one large blob of snow and random smaller snowballs sticking out of it. The main body was uneven and on the verge of falling apart, and Adora had felt it appropriate to carve a snow smile in the middle of the body with her finger. It was a mess and a horrible failure and completely hilarious._

_“We should name it,” Adora decided._

_“What? Name_ that? _I don’t think it deserves a name,” Catra shook her head._

_Adora made a mock offended noise, “I can’t believe you would say such a thing! You’re going to hurt Blobby’s feelings!”_

_“Blobby? That’s the name you’re going with?” Catra raised an eyebrow, unimpressed._

_“Oh, like you could come up with a better name,” Adora scoffed, “And he is a giant blob, so it’s not like I’m wrong.”_

_“No, I guess you’re not,” Catra agreed._

_“So what now?” Adora asked after a stretch of comfortable silence._

_“I’m ready to go inside. My gloves are all wet and I’m cold,” Catra pouted as she glared at Blobby and tore her soaked gloves off of her hands. Instead of turning around to go back inside like a normal person, Adora grabbed Catra’s hand and pulled it into her pocket._

_“Adora! What are you doing!” Catra squawked as a blush rapidly formed on her cheeks. Adora’s hand was warm and soft against hers and their fingers brushed against each other gently. She would never recover from this._

_“I’m warming your hand up,” Adora said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “It’s really pretty out here so I want to stay a bit longer.”_

_Adora looked out at the snow with unguarded wonder. Catra couldn’t tear her eyes away from Adora’s face as the corners of her mouth turned up in a small, private smile. Her cheeks were slightly pink from the cold and her eyelashes were clumped together slightly thanks to the dampness of the snow._

_As much as Catra hated to admit it, she would do anything to make this moment last longer. The way the light glanced off Adora’s hair and her eyes seemed to sparkle as she turned to Catra with a hopeful look. Catra knew she was too young to know what love is. But she also knew no one else could ever make her feel the onslaught of emotions she felt whenever Adora looked at her like that. It had to be love. There was just no other word for it._

_So, naturally, Catra said the most romantic response she could think of. “Whatever, nerd.”_

**-Present-**

“Hello! If it isn’t my favorite professional rowers!” George greeted the four of them with a wide smile as he opened the door.

“Hi dad,” Bow returned the smile, “How are you two?”

“We’re doing excellent! I hope the drive over was well?” Lance said from his position next to George.

The drive over had, in fact, been extremely awkward. Mainly because Bow and Glimmer had never had a conversation with Catra where Catra wasn’t actively trying to pick a fight and Catra seemed to have some sort of unspoken disdain for the pair. So all of Adora’s attempts to start a conversation were met with one word answers and tense silence.

“It was great!” Glimmer lied enthusiastically, “Bow was blasting Christmas carols the whole way over.”

“That’s my boy. Gotta get in the spirit,” George said with a wink at Bow. Bow nodded politely.

“And you must be Catra!” Lance turned to where Catra was standing awkwardly, “It’s such a pleasure to meet you. We’ve heard so much about you.”

“You have?” Catra looked at Adora skeptically. Adora did her best to smile back casually, as if Lance and George hadn’t bore witness to her drunken speech about Catra at their Christmas party two years ago. She really hadn’t considered just how badly Bow’s parents could blow her cover if she wasn’t careful.

“Oh yes!” George continued cheerfully, “This one absolutely _adores_ you, don’t you _Ador_ a?”

“Dad, please,” Bow groaned as Lance laughed at his husband’s joke.

“Really, Adora, talking about me?” Catra raised an eyebrow, “I’m surprised I even came up in conversation.”

Adora swallowed and ignored the clear invitation to explain exactly why she was telling Bow’s parents about her. “Yeah, well, it just kind of happened. Lance, where do you want me to put my suitcase?”

“Oh, you and Catra are in the guest room this time,” Lance said, “Do you remember where that is?”

“Yep!” Adora plastered on her best smile. Because the guest room was _small._ Smaller than the hotel room they shared at the conference two months ago. And they only stayed in the hotel for two days. This was going to be for a whole week.

“Lead the way then,” Catra said with a smirk, obviously picking up on Adora’s nerves.

Adora did, and they found their way into the guest room that was somehow even smaller than she remembered it. It was really just a bed, a closet, and a door to the adjoining bathroom. There wasn’t much room for anything but two suitcases on the floor. There was no way she was going to survive the close contact this room required. She was so fucked.

“So, someone’s nervous to share with me,” Catra all but sang as she waltzed past Adora and lounged on the full bed with practised nonchalance, “Is it because you were apparently confessing your undying love for me to Lance and George?”

“What? No!” Adora sputtered, eyes desperately fixed on the headboard as panic gripped her, “What makes you think I did that! I never did that!”

“Relax, dude, it’s just a joke,” Catra rolled her eyes. If Adora had been looking at her face, she might have noticed the way her shit eating grin faltered for a moment before returning stronger than ever, “We both know you’re too lame to have a dirty secret like that.”

“I am _not_ lame!” Adora insisted with what was probably a pout.

Catra raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? Prove it.”

That did it. Adora launched herself at Catra’s lounging figure, causing the other girl to shriek and roll away. There wasn’t much room on the bed as they wrestled, limbs knocking against each other and hands hitting the headboard accidentally. 

They hadn’t roughhoused like this since middle school; back when casual touches were still okay and not a sign of sexual intent. Adora had missed the feeling of Catra laughing as Adora grabbed her arm and the feeling of Catra flipping them over with her full bodyweight. Every point of contact was searing hot as Adora remembered that they were doing this on a _bed_ not the spongy floor of a playground.

“So, you gonna tell me your dark secret?” Catra panted from above Adora, chest rising and falling with the effort of their activities.

“What?” Adora asked intelligently. In her defense, her brain power was significantly diverted to the feeling of Catra straddling her waist and pinning her shoulder to the bed. And the slight pink brushing Catra’s cheeks. And the sound of them breathing into the silence of the room. Why was it so hot in here?

Catra rolled her eyes, “If you’re not a huge loser, you have to have a dirty secret.”

“I don’t!” Adora insisted. She could feel her cheeks heating up. This was not the time to tell Catra she was hopelessly in love with her. Not while things were still this fragile.

“Really? Then why do you look so uncomfortable?” Catra pointed out with a predatory smirk. Adora wondered if Catra could feel Adora shifting uncomfortably from her position.

“Wait, what’s _your_ dirty secret?” Adora asked in a stroke of genius.

Catra’s eyes widened and she let up the pressure on Adora’s shoulders. A fatal mistake. Adora used the opportunity to flip them, careful to keep some distance between them as she loomed over Catra. She needed some semblance of self-control right now, after all.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Catra deflected, her eyes fixed on Adora’s shoulder.

“Well if you want to prove to me you’re not a loser, you better tell me your secret,” Adora did her best to mimic Catra’s signature smirk.

“Yeah right,” Catra said, “I’m not telling you mine unless you tell me yours.”

“Well I’m not telling you mine,” Adora shook her head.

“What’s the matter, Adora? Are you scared?” Catra challenged, all bravado and false confidence. Adora could hear the slight uncertainty in the words and see the way she didn’t quite make eye contact when she said it.

“I think you’re the scared one,” Adora shot back as she shifted to allow Catra to sit up. Catra took her invitation, and now Adora was sitting in her lap. Adora did her best to not think about the fact that she was literally straddling Catra in a bed and focus on their conversion. Because Catra had a secret, and Adora wanted to know what it was.

“I’m not scared, you’re just stupid,” Catra scoffed, “And I’m not telling you unless you come clean too. Those are my terms.”

Adora considered her options. She could make something up to trick Catra into telling her, but Catra had always been good at seeing through her. She would be caught in an instant. She could try to convince Catra to tell her by doing something else, but Catra seemed pretty insistent on not telling her. Of course, she could always just _tell_ Catra…

“Do you really want to know?” Adora asked. Catra opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Are you guys ready for dinner? George is cooking!” Glimmer’s voice came from the other side of the door, blissfully unaware of what exactly she was interrupting.

“We’ll be there in a moment,” Adora called through the door before awkwardly climbing off of Catra’s lap. Neither of them made eye contact as they straightened their clothes and made their way to the kitchen.

**-Freshman year: two years ago, six months after leaving-**

_Adora hadn’t been this drunk since high school. Bow and Glimmer rarely drank and Adora honestly didn’t care for it that much anyways. Catra had always been the fun part of drinking; the way she let Adora cuddle with her, the way her cheeks turned rosy when she laughed, the way she took care of Adora when it all got to be too much. When Catra wasn’t there, Adora just didn’t really see the point._

_But Lance made the_ best _eggnog Adora had ever tasted and she might have forgotten that it was slightly spiked somewhere between her third and fourth refill._

_It wasn’t as bad as in high school. The room wasn’t spinning at all and she was still able to walk in a straight line. But she felt warm and happy and almost nostalgic. There was just something about sitting next to Bow and Glimmer on the couch while George told them about one of the dates he went on with Lance in college._

_“...We used to go to this arcade and we would play DDR until we couldn’t walk,” George was saying._

_“Oh my god just like me and Catra!” Adora gasped and straightened her posture dramatically. Everyone in the group turned to look at her, but she was too buzzed to care._

_“You and Catra?” Bow asked gently. For all of her crying over the other girl, Adora had refrained from telling her friends about all of the good in their relationship. It just reminded Adora of how she would never have it again._

_But she was just drunk enough to share now. “Yeah! Catra’s soooo good at DDR. And she looks so pretty when she does it. Her face gets all scrunchy like--” Adora did her best to approximate Catra’s focused face “--and sometimes her hair falls out of her ponytail and it’s really cute.”_

_“Who’s Catra?” Lance prompted._

_“You know, maybe we should talk about this another--” Glimmer began, clearly trying to avoid the can of worms that question was about to answer._

_“--She’s my BEST FRIEND,” Adora declared proudly, “And she’s, like, the coolest person ever! And she’s so pretty and she’s literally the BEST rower I have ever met. Like wow, when she gets into a rhythm and the boat follows her, everything goes whoosh!”_

_“Adora, you should have invited her!” George smiled._

_“I don’t think--” Bow tried to derail the conversation again._

_“I can’t,” Adora pouted, “We don’t talk anymore.”_

_“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Lance said sympathetically._

_“It’s okay. I did something that hurt her and now I have to wait for her to be okay again,” Adora reasoned, starting to tear up ever so slightly, “We’ll be okay again. She’ll talk to me again and I can make it up to her!”_

_“Adora, why don’t we go decorate some cookies?” Glimmer suggested._

_Adora shook her head. “I don’t wanna make cookies. I want to tell Catra I love her.” She turned to look at Lance and George, who were watching Adora’s deteriorating mood with concern. “I never told her how much I loved her before I hurt her. She needs to know. I love her so much. I think she’s the one.”_

_“Now what we’re not going to do is call Catra,” Bow declared as he grabbed Adora’s phone from her hands._

_“Well I don’t wanna make cookies,” Adora pouted, “And Catra needs to know. Bow, I never told her.”_

_“Why don’t you wait until you see her in person? This isn’t a conversation you should have over the phone,” Bow reasoned._

_“I’ll be too scared in person,” Adora pointed out, “She’s so hot and her eyes are so intense. I can’t just_ tell _her!”_

_“Okay, well Glimmer and I will be making cookies if you want to join us,” Bow offered, “Dad, can you make sure she doesn’t try to call Catra while I’m gone?”_

_“Sure thing,” Lance said with a wink._

_With that Bow walked away, leaving Adora with Lance and George._

_“Adora, for what it’s worth if you really love each other it will work out in the end,” George said as he made his way to sit beside Adora on the couch._

_“You think so?” Adora asked. She wanted it to work out with Catra. She missed her more than she could ever express with words._

_“From what it sounds like, you and Catra are very important to each other,” Lance observed, “Relationships like those don’t just disappear overnight. I’m sure you’ll find your way back to each other.”_

_“You just have to be patient, and when she’s ready to talk you should be open and honest,” George added._

_“Yeah, I can do that,” Adora agreed._

**-Present-**

Lance and George were known for their Christmas parties. There was music and cookies and drinks and a game truck outside for the kids (although Adora often spent a little too much time there herself). Seemingly everyone was invited, from all of the members of the Bright Moon Rowing Club to all of Lance and George’s coworkers at the Bright Moon Museum to that random guy from across the street who told the best stories about his high school days.

And now Catra was invited too. Because why wouldn’t she be? She was dating Adora after all. Which meant they navigated the party with arms linked, smiling at the adults who had had one glass of wine too many and followed rowing drama a little too much thanks to Lance and George.

Things were going fine. As a rule, Catra hated meeting new people, large crowds, and making small talk. So Adora was considering the fact that there was still a warm presence at her side a win, even if Catra’s laugh sounded faker than their current relationship status.

But Adora could tell Catra was nearing the end of her rope. Her smiles were strained and her body language was becoming more and more defensive every time she launched into the “how we met” spiel that seemingly every attendee at the party just _had_ to hear for themselves. Which was stupid because it’s not like it ever changed; at least, not when Catra told it. Sometimes Adora accidentally mixed up the details with her own personal fantasies about getting together.

“Hey, can you get me a soda? I think it’s outside on the deck,” Adora offered when she saw Glimmer’s aunt nearing them with a wide smile. Casta was great, but she didn’t think Catra had the energy to deal with her at the moment.

“Get it yourself,” Catra glared at her, obviously under the impression Adora was trying to lose her.

“Please? Casta is going to want to talk to me but I’m super thirsty!” Adora pleaded. Now that she thought of it, she really would kill for something carbonated right now.

Catra crossed her arms and maintained her glare. “If I leave we’re not going to be able to find each other for the rest of the party.”

 _Catra doesn’t want to get separated!_ Adora could feel herself smiling involuntarily at the thought. But as much as she wanted Catra to remain at her side for the rest of eternity, her current priority was keeping Catra from murdering Casta. “I’ll stay right here, I promise. Just go and get some fresh air and something sugary.”

“Adora! And this must be Catra!” Casta beamed before pulling Adora into a tight hug. Adora could see Catra’s eyes widen in panic in the edge of her vision.

“Oh, actually I was just going to get Adora a drink,” Catra said before ducking into the crowd, skillfully disappearing.

Casta looked disappointed but soon recovered when she realized Adora was wearing the sweater she had knitted her last year. Soon their conversation flowed away from Catra and towards the upcoming rowing season. Apparently Glimmer didn’t share enough of the team’s progress with Casta.

“Oh, someone’s standing under the mistletoe!” Lance called from his position restocking the cookies. Adora turned from her conversation with Casta to follow Lance’s arm. He was pointing at a very flustered Catra, who was holding a can of soda and staring up at the mistletoe above her head.

“Looks like someone’s going to have to kiss her,” George agreed, looking at Adora pointedly. Adora glanced over at Catra, who was staring at her like a deer caught in headlights. This was definitely not what she signed up for when she agreed to spend the week with Adora.

But Adora couldn’t _not_ kiss her. Not if she wanted to keep their cover, that is. So she started making her way over to Catra, doing her best to smile as if casually kissing Catra was a normal occurrence.

“Yeah, Adora, better get over here before someone else does it,” Catra did her best to taunt, but Adora could hear a slight quiver in her voice.

Adora could feel the eyes of the various partygoers on her as she traversed the room. It felt as if Catra was getting further away with each step she took, until she took the final step and suddenly Catra was far too close for comfort.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra smirked as she tilted her head back ever so slightly. If Adora hadn’t seen the panicked expression in her friend’s face just moments ago, she might have believed Catra’s suave act.

Adora cupped Catra’s cheek gently, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Well we can’t blow our cover, can we?” Catra joked halfheartedly.

“Just kiss already!” Someone from the crowd encouraged. Catra glanced over to the source of the noise for a second before training her eyes on Adora again. This time her pupils dilated as her eyes focused. Adora could tell she was still nervous, but she was also more determined now.

Before Adora could lean down and join their lips, Catra surged forward and brushed their lips together. It was soft but it lingered, as if both of them were trying to savor the moment. Adora realized with a pang that this could be the last time she ever had Catra like this, in her arms and kissing her gently. After this week, they would go back to being just friends.

Adora didn’t want to let go of Catra. Not yet. Was fake dating Catra healthy? Absolutely not. But Catra was sighing against her lips and her hair was so soft under Adora’s fingers and they hadn’t pulled apart yet and it just felt so _right_ and Adora would do anything to feel this even one more time.

So when they pulled apart a few moments later, Adora had to take the risk.

“I don’t want to break up yet,” Adora murmured, lips barely brushing against Catra’s as she spoke. She didn’t know where this rush of confidence had come from, but she knew she had to go with it for as long as possible.

Catra’s eyes widened in surprise, but she made no move to pull back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, after this week we should keep pretending,” Adora sighed. She didn’t really have a good excuse to keep this going that didn’t involve her unrequited emotions, “I guess it’d be too much of a hassle to fake break up, you know? The media would be all over us again and I’d rather not do that.”

“If you’re fake dating me, you won’t be able to date anyone else,” Catra reminded her.

“That’s okay,” Adora shrugged, “I don’t really want to date anyone else right now.”

“Oh,” Catra looked absolutely shocked.

“If you want to date someone else then we can totally break up! I mean, just because we’re fake dating doesn’t mean I expected you to not look for other people! It’s just _I’m_ not interested in anyone, at least not right now, so if you’re not either why not just wait until one of us is?” Adora backtracked as her eyes glanced around the party. The general flow of conversation had returned and no one was listening to them right now.

“No, I’m not interested in anyone else either.” Adora could see Catra chewing on her inner lip, which was a nervous habit she had developed in middle school. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to keep this up for a little longer.”

“Yeah,” Adora agreed with a small smile. There was a silence as they both stared at each other blankly.

“So,” Catra stepped back slightly and took Adora’s hand in her own, “Ready to get your ass kicked in Black Ops, _babe_?”

“That depends, are _you_ ready to cry when I beat you at Mario Kart?” Adora shot back, savoring the feeling of Catra’s fingers entwined with hers.

Catra rolled her eyes as they made their way to the game truck. “In your dreams, princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have made the brilliant decision that the friends to lovers portion of this fic was too short so now I have to ~add a chapter~ so bear with me it's all outlined I just have to put transitions between the scenes in my head. I promise I won't keep you waiting as long as I did last time!
> 
> As always, thank you for your support and hang in there! I promise all of the questions you're asking me will be answered... eventually.


	9. December-January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank society for being so relationship obsessed that it gave me multiple kiss based holiday traditions to work with.
> 
> Also I added this chapter in after writing the next chapter so the present POV's are technically supposed to be Catra but I threw in some Adora in the middle because we won't be hearing from her for awhile.

**-Present-**

Catra couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t because she was uncomfortable to anything; in fact, she was having almost the opposite problem. She was currently wrapped up in Adora’s arms and happier than she had been in months. It was almost scary how quickly she had become accustomed to the close proximity and the feeling of Adora’s body heat along her back. 

She should really be more concerned about how rapidly she was letting Adora back in. It had been the very thing she had wanted to avoid when this entire mess started, but now here she was with Adora’s hand around her midsection and face buried in the mess that was her hair and she just couldn’t bring herself to keep Adora out anymore.

It had been like this every night this week. Adora always fell asleep quickly and for some ungodly reason was a sleep cuddler. Catra had known this for years, of course, but that hadn’t stopped the shock she received that first night when Adora sleepily reached for her.

Now, you would think Catra would be over the moon about this. Her crush was cuddling with her! Surely that was a sign that Adora liked her back, right?

Except it wasn’t. If Adora truly felt that way, she would still be cuddling Catra after she got up. But every morning when Catra would wake up Adora would be lying a respectable distance away from her, scrolling on her phone or reading a book. So Catra was forced to admit to herself that sleepy Adora just wanted a warm body to hold and awake Adora just didn’t want to lead her on like that.

But the cuddling wasn’t really the problem. Catra grew up cuddling Adora. She was used to this casual contact between them. She was used to things between them meaning more to her than it did to Adora.

But what she was not used to was processing what happened at the Christmas party the night before. Catra had replayed that memory of kissing Adora under the mistletoe a thousand times. And she couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation after that. The conversation where Adora said she didn’t want to break up and that she wasn’t interested in anyone else and looked at her like she had looked at her _that_ night. How Adora could just _look_ at someone like that despite having no feelings beyond friendship was absolutely baffling to Catra.

As if sensing Catra was thinking about her, Adora’s arm tightened around her waist as the other girl shifted their bodies closer together. Catra closed her eyes contentedly as she debated just letting herself get lost in the comfort of the situation. It would be so easy for Catra to just pretend that last night didn’t happen and accept what Adora was giving her.

But Catra needed to sort this out. She needed to determine what Adora’s emotions were and what role she could possibly play in Catra’s life. Because as much as Catra would love to live in this perpetual limbo, she knew it wasn’t sustainable. At some point, Adora was going to find someone else or Catra’s confidence would plummet again and she would be forced to throw herself into another doomed relationship.

Although the feeling of Adora’s breath against her neck made her think that while this couldn’t last _forever,_ it could probably last a considerable amount of time. And any meddling Catra did risked ruining the balance before their time was out.

Adora mumbled something in her sleep that sounded suspiciously like her name. Catra was simultaneously hit with contradictory waves of hope and heartbreak. Because Adora obviously cared about her, but it just wasn’t in the way she cared for Adora. She resigned herself to a sleepless night as tears silently hit her pillow and her thoughts jumbled together in a confusing mess of emotions.

**-Summer Junior Year: Three years ago. One year nine months before leaving-**

_Adora had always hated team parties a little bit. Not that she disliked her teammates or anything; they were just loud and always knew more about the world than her. Like when they would play Cards Against Humanity and everyone laughed at her for not knowing what a fleshlight was (which, by the way, was gross and she honestly wished she had just pretended she knew instead of asking)._

_And like now, when everyone was laughing at her because she had never played seven minutes in heaven before. Even Catra had the audacity to play along, even though Adora_ knew _she had never played either. They went everywhere together after all, so if Catra had been to a party where she played it Adora would have too._

 _So now she_ had _to play, otherwise she would be labeled as innocent or uptight or a buzzkill. And the last thing she wanted was Catra thinking she was a buzzkill._

_So she dutifully sat in a circle when Octavia--one of the upperclassmen that was leaving for college at the end of the summer--explained the mechanics of spin the bottle. The game really didn’t seem that hard. Just spin the bottle, and then sit in the closet with whoever it landed on. Adora had no idea why this was an exciting game._

_“As the only newbie, Adora should go first,” Lonnie suggested from beside her._

_Adora didn’t really want to spend seven minutes in a closet with anyone in this circle. Well, anyone but one. “Maybe I should watch someone do it first so I can get a hang of it?”_

_“Oh come on, the rules are literally spin a bottle, what’s there to get the hang of?” Catra rolled her eyes from her spot next to Octavia, “Unless you’re too chicken to play?”_

_“What? No!” Adora glared at Catra. How dare she insinuate that she was too scared to do this. It wasn’t even scary!_

_“Then spin, princess,” Catra goaded._

_So Adora did. She watched the bottle spin, pointing from her to Lonnie to Rogelio to Kyle to Octavia to Catra to Scorpia and so on until it made its way back to her and around the circle again. The bottle spun and spun until it slowed and landed definitively in the space between Catra and Octavia. There were some disappointed noises from some of the men in the circle._

_“Because this is your first time, you get to choose,” Octavia offered with a smirk, “Me or Catra?”_

_“Catra,” Adora said with conviction. There were some ‘oohs’ around the circle as Catra’s cheeks got ever so slightly pink. Then everyone was on their feet and guiding them to the coat closet in the hallway by the living room._

_The closet was honestly larger than Adora had anticipated. There was enough room for both of them to sit facing each other with their backs to the wall. Their knees touched as they crossed their legs, and Adora was definitely blushing but it didn’t matter because Catra probably couldn’t see it in the darkness of the closet._

_“So now what?” Adora asked once they were settled._

_“You really don’t know, do you?” Catra asked. Adora could just make out her signature smirk in the low light._

_“Know what?”_

_“What people do here,” Catra prompted, “During their seven minutes in_ heaven _.”_

_Adora sighed, “Is there something we’re supposed to be doing?”_

_“Oh my god Adora have you never watched a high school movie?” Catra said with exasperation, “People do this to_ make out.”

_Adora was glad for the lack of light because the face she made in response was definitely embarrassing. “They do?”_

_“Yes. Haven’t you ever seen Easy A?” Adora’s eyes were adjusted to the light well enough to see Catra’s eyes roll._

_“No,” Adora crossed her arms._

_“Okay, well when we’re going home we’re fixing that,” Catra decided._

_“Okay,” Adora agreed. There was a tense silence, “So do we_ have _to make out?” If they_ had _to make out that would be a good cover for Adora. Then she could kiss Catra and pretend she didn’t have any feelings._

_Catra shrugged. “It’s not like required, so no.”_

_“Oh.” So Catra didn’t want to make out with her then. Which Adora knew, but it still hurt._

_A silence. One that stretched for probably about a minute of their precious not making out time. And then Catra’s voice, small and shy. “Did you want to make out?”_

Yes yes yes oh my god yes. Play it cool! Say something smooth! _“Do you?”_

_“I asked you first.”_

_“And I asked you second.”_

_“Forget I said anything,” Catra’s shoulder slumped._

_Another silence. They had been in here for much longer than seven minutes, hadn’t they? Surely someone was coming to get them soon? Unless they forgot about them?_

_Adora needed to get the conversation going again. She needed to steer it back to kissing so she could kiss Catra. Because why else would she have brought up making out twice? Catra was at least considering it a little bit._

_“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Adora asked the silence of the room, voice as small as Catra’s had been earlier._

_“No. Have you?” Catra was staring at her now. Even in the dark Adora could tell how piercing her eyes were._

_“No,” Adora shook her head, “I’ve thought about it though.”_

_“Everyone’s thought about it, Adora,” Catra argued. But that wasn’t what Adora meant. Not everyone spent hours staring at her best friend’s lips, picturing how soft they would be against their own. Not everyone thought about running their hands along their best friend’s body as the kiss deepened. Most people thought about more than one person when they thought about kissing. Adora had only ever thought about Catra._

_“So you’ve thought about it too?”_

_“Um, yeah, of course,” Catra scoffed, “What do you think I am? Five? It’s almost Junior year, Adora.”_

_“Have you thought about anyone in particular?”_ Have you thought about me?

_Another scoff. “I dunno. I’ve thought about a lot of people I guess. Why, do you have someone in particular you think about?”_

_Catra wouldn’t understand if Adora told her. She wouldn’t understand that Catra was the only person who had ever made her feel this way. Even if Catra was curious about kissing on some level, she could never understand the depth of what Adora felt for her. Adora could never tell her. It would make things too weird._

_“No, not really,” Adora did her best to shrug nonchalantly, “Just curious.”_

_Catra leaned forward into Adora’s space ever so slightly. Adora didn’t lean back. “Curious about what?”_

_Catra was smiling at her. No, smirking was a better word for the catlike grin on her face. Like she had caught Adora in a trap and there was no escaping. Not that Adora would want to escape. Any trap that kept Catra leaning in just a touch closer with each passing moment was a trap she wanted to be in._

_“Just curious about how it would feel, I guess,” Adora tried to keep her voice level, but she was sure it wavered slightly._

_“Do you want to find out?” Catra moved from her seated position to kneeling, a move that brought her face more level with Adora’s. Adora watched as Catra’s eyes moved down to her lips, hooded and almost hungry._

_“With you?” Adora’s voice came out as a squeak._

_“Sure,” Catra’s voice sounded too casual for what she just proposed, “I mean, it’s not like it means anything. We’re just curious, right?”_

_Adora didn’t know if she could do it. Could she kiss Catra, knowing how little it would mean for her friend? If they kissed, it would change everything for Adora, and yet Catra would just go about her life unaffected. Adora would be the story Catra told at parties in college, about how her first kiss was during a game of seven minutes in heaven. That’s it. That’s all she could ever be to Catra._

_But Adora wanted to kiss Catra. She wanted it more than she wanted to win at nationals or make Weaver happy. She wanted it so badly it felt like she was going to explode or burst into tears or scream if she didn’t kiss Catra right now. She would probably never get another opportunity. She had to do it now._

_“Yeah, just curious,” Adora agreed, finally allowing herself to look at Catra’s lips too. Catra was so much closer than she expected. Adora could see the way her lips trembled slightly as she leaned in. She could smell Catra’s shampoo, sweet and just a little floral. She could feel the heat coming from Catra’s body as the other girl leaned forward in an attempt to be closer._

_Adora could hear her heart roaring in her ears as Catra inched her way closer to Adora. Adora had no idea why she was being so slow about it; it's not like Catra understood the magnitude of what they were about to do. For her, it was just a way to satisfy her curiosity._

_Catra was practically on top of her now. If Adora reached out she could grab her waist and pull her into her lap. She didn’t. That was too familiar for what Catra wanted._

_“Are you sure about this?” Catra asked, stopping mere centimeters from Adora’s face._

_“Why wouldn’t I be?” Adora said with false bravado. She wasn’t sure of anything other than the electricity sparking between their bodies and the rapidly rising temperature of the cramped closet._

_“You only get one first kiss,” Catra whispered, “After we do it we can’t take it back.”_

_Adora hesitated. Because on one hand, Catra was right. She wanted her first kiss with her to be once she told her how she felt. Preferably after a successful race. She wanted it to be a moment full of love and tenderness and excitement. She wanted it to_ mean _something more than this would._

_But on the other hand, she wanted her first kiss to be with Catra. She felt safe with Catra. Catra wouldn’t make fun of her for being bad--at least, not seriously--or laugh at her for being inexperienced. And she was attracted to Catra in a way she had never been attracted to anyone else._

_She was about to open her mouth to tell Catra that she was sure when they were assaulted with the light from the party outside. Catra recoiled, practically launching herself back to her side of the closet as Octavia’s voice roared “Time’s up!”_

_“So? What did you two get up to in the last seven minutes?” Someone asked, voice dripping with innuendo._

_“None of your business,” Catra said casually as she stood up and adjusted her clothes before walking out of the closet without so much as a glance back at Adora. For a few moments, Adora remained seated, watching Catra smoothly incorporate herself back into the party. There was something about Catra that was so untouchable in that moment. Adora scolded herself for thinking Catra would ever kiss her._

**-Present-**

Adora had never had a New Year’s kiss. Things just never worked out to make it happen. She most certainly never kissed anyone in high school, no matter how beautiful Catra looked in the sparkling firework lights. She dated Glimmer after their first New Years together and by the time the New Year came along again Adora had resigned herself to a life of being single. 

But it was 11:30 on New Year’s eve and Catra was wearing a skin tight dress and laughing at something Lance said and Adora was freaking out. Because it was New Years, so surely she was supposed to kiss Catra when the ball dropped, right?

She was tense. In her mind, she was thinking of all of the possible ways trying to kiss Catra could go wrong. Their kiss at the Christmas party, while as wonderful as every kiss with Catra had been, was incredibly forced and awkward. Not to mention Catra didn’t seem to have any desire to kiss Adora when they weren’t being pressured into it, and the last thing Adora wanted was to force her friend into something she didn’t want to do.

“Hey, princess, are you okay?” Catra turned to her with a concerned smile. Of course Catra would notice something was wrong. Catra knew her better than anyone else, after all. Adora felt her heart break all over again.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Adora lied, “I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay,” Catra nodded before turning back to Lance and George. As Adora got up to leave, Bow and Glimmer followed her out. If Catra noticed that was weird, she didn’t say anything.

“Adora, what’s happening? You’re like freaking out,” Glimmer said as soon as they were out of earshot.

“I’m fine. Just going to the bathroom,” Adora lied. The last thing she wanted was Bow and Glimmer making her overthink this situation more than she already had.

“Adora, the bathroom is on the other side of the house,” Bow pointed out.

“Okay, so maybe I’m not going to the bathroom,” Adora sighed, “I just need a breather, okay? I have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Like Catra in that dress?” Glimmer smirked.

Adora elbowed her friend playfully, “Hey! I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“A likely story,” Bow rolled his eyes, “Don’t think you were subtle when she walked into dinner.”

“Oh my god it the literal heart eyes you were making at her were embarrassing,” Glimmer added, “You seriously need to stop being such a useless lesbian.”

“Like you’re one to talk! It took you like ten years to ask out Bow,” Adora reminded her friend.

“And you’ve known Catra for how long?” Glimmer raised an eyebrow challengingly. Adora tactfully chose not to answer that question.

“That’s what I thought,” Glimmer said smugly, “Anyways, you’re not getting anywhere if you mope around in the hallway. Go back there and give her a New Years kiss!”

Adora groaned, “I can’t Glimmer! The last time we kissed it was because of a tradition and everyone was forcing us to. I can’t use _another_ tradition to force her to kiss me again. That’s taking advantage of her!”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Catra kiss you at the Christmas party?” Glimmer crossed her arms.

“So? She only did it because it would have blown our cover if she didn’t,” Adora argued.

Bow sighed, “I don’t know. She seemed pretty into it if you ask me.”

“It’s called _acting_ ,” Adora explained, “I wouldn’t expect you two to understand. You’ve never had to act like Catra and I do whenever we’re in public.”

“Yeah, I don’t think either of you are actually acting though,” Bow said, which caused Glimmer to burst into laughter.

“We are too!” Adora sputtered.

“Okay, Adora, here’s what we’re going to do,” Glimmer put her hand on Adora’s shoulder as she laughed, “We’re going to watch the ball drop together. And we will _subtly_ mention the fact that we take the New Year’s kiss tradition very seriously. So then, when the ball drops Catra will know you’re at least thinking about it.”

“I literally just said I don’t want to force--”

“--Yeah, yeah, I know,” Glimmer cut her off with a wave of her hand, “Which is why you’re not going to initiate it. You’re just going to wait and see if Catra makes a move.”

“And this is a good plan because?”

“Because if she initiates that means she likes kissing you!” Bow supplied.

“Or that she respects holiday traditions,” Adora shot back.

Glimmer shook her head. “Yes, I’m sure _Catra_ has a deep respect for the spirit of the holidays. Come on, Adora, you grew up with her!”

“Nothing I say is going to stop you, is it?” Adora said with a sigh.

“Nope!” Glimmer sang cheerily.

Adora took a deep breath. “Fine. Let’s do it.”

**-Sophomore Year: Four years ago. Two years before betrayal-**

_Adora’s older so she gets her license first. And, honestly, now that Adora has a license Catra wasn’t sure if she ever needed to get one. Adora had only been licensed for two days and she was already practically bending over backwards to drive Catra places._

_So far it had just been rides to school and to the boathouse, which are places they both needed to be at the same time anyways. But tonight was a Friday night and Weaver was at a coaching workshop in the next city over, so they could go somewhere. Somewhere actually exciting._

_“Let’s go for a drive,” Catra suggested from her spot lounging on the couch. Weaver always got pissed at her for draping her legs over the arms, but she wasn’t here now so Catra would do whatever she wanted._

_Adora’s eyes widened, “What if Weaver finds out?”_

_“And how would she know?” Catra pointed out, “We can just leave our phones in the house and if she asks about the mileage just tell her we had to go to the grocery store.”_

_“Okay but what if she’s tracking the car?” Adora protested._

_“She seriously can’t get mad at you for driving in the car that she gave you. I mean, unless you’re planning on driving me to a strip club or something,” Catra said with a smirk._

_“No! It’s nowhere like that!” Adora insisted._

_“So you_ do _have a place on your mind?” Catra crossed her arms triumphantly, “Well, princess, if you want to take me somewhere, tonight’s the night.”_

_“Fine, I do have a place in mind. But if we get caught I’m not driving you anywhere else for the rest of the week,” Adora relented. They both knew it was a lie, but Catra let her pretend._

_“Sounds like a deal,” Catra nodded, “So where are we going?”_

_“Oh, it’s really not that big of a deal,” Adora blushed instantly, “It’s just an outlook. I’ve seen the signs for it on the way to practice. It looks like it’ll be pretty.”_

_“Whatever, I don’t care where we go as long as it’s not here,” Catra shrugged, trying to play off. But there was a thrill of excitement at the thought of being alone with Adora in a car in a secluded parking lot. She knew nothing was going to happen, she knew that Adora would never make a move on her, but she could imagine it. She could imagine kissing Adora, the noises she would make, the frantic stumble to the backseat. Maybe the windows would fog up like they did in movies. Maybe the faux leather would rub up against her uncomfortably._

_As Catra was letting the scenario play out in her mind, Adora was walking around the house, grabbing her keys and writing down directions. Adora was so prepared for everything. Catra vaguely wondered if that would extend to sex. Did the other girl stay up at night, planning what she’ll do when the opportunity to get laid arrives? Knowing Adora, she probably had a typed up list of everything you would need to know, from how to avoid STDs to anatomical diagrams._

_Although, now that Catra thought of it, she didn’t really know what gender Adora would even be preparing herself for. They avoided talks about sexuality and relationships ever since that one time Adora almost kissed her. Catra never knew why her best friend hesitated, but the message was clear: Adora wasn’t interested._

_“Catra, are you ready to go?” Adora called from the doorway to the garage. Catra sighed to herself. Whatever gender Adora was preparing for didn’t really matter; what mattered was that she wasn’t preparing for it to be Catra._

_“Yeah, I’m coming,” Catra stood up abruptly, placed her phone on the coffee table, and joined Adora in the garage. Adora handed her the written directions before climbing in the driver’s seat. Catra made herself comfortable in shotgun, reading over the directions in her head. This outlook wasn’t all that close to their boathouse, so she didn’t recognize most of the streets._

_Adora pulled out of the garage, and they were officially breaking Weaver’s curfew. It was dark outside, and the streets of their neighborhood were poorly lit by dim street lights. Everything looked softer in their faint glow._

_Unable to use her phone for music, Catra fiddled with the radio. Based on the directions, they were going to the mountains and would probably lose the signal early on, but a little music was better than nothing. She finally settled on a station that seemed to be playing early 2000’s hits. Better than country._

_“So, how does it feel to be a delinquent?” Catra asked with a smirk. Catra had always been one to push Weaver’s bounds, so she would do things like sneak out just because she could. She usually just walked to the playground in their neighborhood and sat on the swingset._

_“Not great,” Adora admitted as she flicked her turn signal on. Which was stupid because it was late enough for the streets to be completely empty._

_Catra rolled her eyes, “Seriously, it’s going to be fine. And even if we do get caught, you can just pin it on me. We all know Weaver would do that already.”_

_“I’m not pinning anything on you! If anything, I’m the one that should be punished. I’m the one driving,” Adora pointed out, as if Weaver operated on logic._

_“Whatever you say, Adora,” Catra sighed. Adora had never understood Weaver, not in the way Catra did. Which was fine. It just meant Catra had to work harder to protect her friend._

_There was a brief silence before the radio changed songs. Adora lit up instantly as she recognized the song. “Oh my god, I love this song!”_

_Catra couldn’t help but smile. She remembered the first time she had ever heard this song was her first day going to the boathouse with Adora. It had become a staple of their novice year playlist. Catra had a vivid memory of scoring her personal best while it played in the background._

_And then Adora started singing along and Catra couldn’t help but join in. Before she knew it, they were both belting the lyrics at the top of their lungs. Adora accidentally came in too early for the next verse, and they laughed until their sides hurt. It was perfect. It was everything Catra could ever want._

_The song eventually ended, and they were silent again as the radio tried to sell them car insurance. They stopped at a light as they waited to get on the highway._

_“You know, I think you have a beautiful voice,” Adora turned to Catra. Catra looked at her friend, who was glowing in the soft yellow of the street lights. It made her hair look like a halo, and her eyes were shining brighter than usual._

_“You’re so easily impressed,” Catra broke eye contact to look at the road in front of them. She had never been great at accepting compliments._

_“Maybe you’re just that impressive,” Adora shrugged before driving onto the highway._

_“Whatever, princess,” Catra shrugged, “Your exit is Thaymore in two miles.”_

_“Thanks,” Adora nodded, her eyes dutifully on the road._

_They drove in silence for a while, with just the radio providing background noise. As they moved deeper in the mountains, the radio died off and the only sound was Catra providing Adora with directions. The silence was peaceful and comfortable; it was the silence of two people who knew each other better than anything._

_They finally made their way to the outlook. It only had three parking spaces, but no one else was there so they were alone. Catra almost wished there was someone else there; at least that would give her an excuse for why Adora never initiated anything with her._

_“Here we are, I guess,” Adora said with a laugh. She was nervous, although Catra couldn’t figure out why._

_Catra surveyed the landscape beneath her. Their city was in a valley, so she could see the entirety of the city’s lights from the outlook. It was a soft glow, reminiscent of the street lights from the beginning of their journey._

_“It’s so beautiful,” Catra finally settled on saying, her eyes glued on the landscape in front of her. She was too afraid to look at her friend. She knew she would be looking at the landscape without a care in the world, as if Catra didn’t exist. Seeing it would break Catra’s heart._

_“Yeah, it really is,” Adora agreed. If only Catra had turned to look at Adora; she would have seen her best friend looking at her with pure, unfiltered love and admiration._

**-Present-**

“To be honest, I’m a little jealous of the two of you,” George was saying with a light chuckle, “You seem to have things all figured out, and at such a young age. It took me years before I could even admit to myself that I had feelings for Lance, let alone tell him.”

Catra laughed bitterly as she glanced at the dining room door. Where the fuck was Adora? She went to the bathroom over ten minutes ago now and Catra really needed someone to rescue her from this conversation. Which, by the way, she had no idea how this topic even came up because when Adora left they had been talking about her art history class. “I’d hate to burst your bubble, but we don’t have things as figured out nearly as much as we let on.”

“Well, you are a new couple so of course you’re going to have to make the transition from viewing each other as strictly friends to something more,” Lance nodded thoughtfully, “But I don’t think that’s what George is talking about. You two are just so open with the way you love each other. It’s refreshing to see.”

“You think?” Catra scoffed. If only that were true; then she might have a fighting chance at understanding what the fuck was going on in Adora’s mind.

“I do. I’ve never seen someone look at someone else the way Adora looks at you,” George nodded as if he knew something Catra didn’t.

“What do you mean?” Catra asked. Adora didn’t look at her in any certain way, at least not that Catra had noticed. Sure, sometimes she gave her a _look,_ but that wasn’t like Catra-specific or anything. She gave similar looks to the stars and paintings and the sunrise over the reservoir. 

“Well surely you’ve noticed it. Every time she looks at you her love for you is painted all over her face. It must be nice to be so sure of your love at such a young age,” George looked out the window wistfully.

Involuntarily, Catra’s face decided to smile at the thought of Adora looking at _her_ with love. There was nothing she could do to stop the warm feeling in her stomach from contorting her face into an excited grin. “She doesn’t do that.”

“You’re smiling like you know she does,” Lance pointed out, “That’s the same way George smiled when I first told him I loved him.”

Catra was about to respond with some witty argument about how there was no way Adora could possibly be looking at her like she was in love with her because she would have noticed it by now when Bow and Glimmer burst back into the room.

“Guys! The ball drops in five minutes! We have to watch,” Glimmer insisted. Bow was already making his way over to pull his dads off their feet.

“Or, you know, we could sit here and enjoy New Years on our own?” Adora suggested sheepishly from her position in the doorframe.

“Nice try, Adora,” Bow shook his head, “You _know_ the ball drop is one of our most sacred holiday traditions.”

“As is the New Year’s kiss,” Glimmer wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Aren’t you glad you finally have someone to do that with?”

Oh great, now not only did Catra have to figure out if Adora did in fact have a _look_ for her, but she was going to have to do it while Adora spent the night pretending like she wanted to kiss her? And she was going to have to kiss her which was inevitably going to add an entirely new set of questions to the mix.

“This is only our third holiday together, we don’t have traditions yet,” Adora protested weakly, but it fell on deaf ears as Glimmer ushered them into the living room and turned on the TV.

Catra followed dutifully as she caught snippets of Bow and Glimmer’s conversation.

“--She can _finally_ participate with us--”

“--honestly I was starting to lose hope--”

“--I’m so glad she finally found _somebody_ \--”

“--it just wasn’t the same when she was alone--”

“Guys shut up I can hear you,” Adora butted in with a very prominent blush as she fell in step next to Catra.

Catra just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mess with her. “What, are you not grateful that I’m here to help you partake in your very important holiday tradition?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Adora whispered as Bow and Glimmer loudly set up the TV and Lance and George watched with fond smiles.

Catra rolled her eyes. Typical noble Adora. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

Adora stared at her for a few seconds as if trying to figure something out before Glimmer practically shoved the both of them onto the couch and directed their attention to Mariah Carey’s performance on screen. Catra was too busy thinking about the possibility of kissing Adora in the near future to pay attention.

“Okay, everyone, let’s count down together!” Glimmer suggested when Mariah finished her song and there were ten seconds left on the clock. Everyone else agreed with enthusiasm and started counting along with the numbers on screen.

“FIVE!”

Adora’s eyes were glued to the screen, watching as the numbers counted down in Times Square. Her body was pressed against Catra’s thanks to Bow and Glimmer’s insistence that all four of them could sit on the couch. Catra could feel the other girl’s thigh pressed up against her own.

“FOUR!”

Adora’s hand was sitting on her thigh absently. In a rush of confidence, Catra grabbed it.

“THREE!”

Adora ripped her eyes from the screen and turned to look at Catra. Catra did her best to return her gaze with a confident smirk, but her insides felt like jello. George’s words replayed in her head: _I’ve never seen someone look at someone else the way Adora looks at you._ He was right. Catra had never seen someone look at her the way Adora did.

“TWO!”

Adora was just staring at her. No, she wasn’t just staring at her. She was staring at her lips, shy and cautious but undeniably interested. Catra licked her lips slowly, reveling in the way Adora’s eyes followed the motion.

“ONE!”

Adora looked back up at Catra’s eyes. Catra leaned in, pressing their upper bodies together, almost knocking their noses. In an instant, Adora had one hand on her cheek and the other on her waist. All at once, their lips were connecting as nervous energy sparked between them.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

 _Happy New Year indeed,_ Catra thought as Adora’s tongue slipped into her mouth and her hands roamed over Catra’s body boldly. Not one to be overdone, Catra’s hands found their way into Adora’s hair, grabbing and pulling like her life depended on it. That only seemed to spur Adora on more, who used her grip on Catra’s waist to pull her closer, until every part of their bodies that could be touching were.

Catra hadn’t felt this sort of adrenaline rush since the first time she had ever kissed Adora, buzzed and full of rage. Now she was sober and over her anger and finally able to get lost in the feeling of Adora beneath her hands and in her mouth and on her body. She was an idiot for thinking she would ever be able to live without this. She needed Adora more than she needed anything else.

They finally had to pull apart for air, both panting as if they had just finished a race. Adora was flushed pink and her eyes were blown out and dark. Her lips were pinker than usual and just a little swollen in a way that made Catra want to kiss her again.

She almost did, before remembering where she was and what her relationship with Adora was. If she was going to get over Adora, which was doubtful but she at least had to _try,_ she needed to stop making out with her like that. Even if she was going to relive that moment in her head every night for the foreseeable future.

“So… Happy New Year?” Adora laughed awkwardly. Neither of them had made any move to separate since the kiss.

Catra took the opportunity to rest her forehead against Adora’s. “Yeah, happy New Year or whatever.”

“Wow, that was a _kiss,_ ” Glimmer enthused from her spot on the couch. From what Catra could tell, her and Bow didn’t even use tongue. Whoops.

“Shut up, Sparkles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to my playlist, it's [ here ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5M5kXjExWDk0aQQ7XqqKbk?si=i4FmmTqeTfeopR9s17_RrQ)on spotify! Full warning there is a country song on the playlist so it is a bit of Russian Roulette, but that's half the fun of it really. (Also here's my [catradora](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Shp028EJKIf174najMDua?si=4eUBF2wjQPG7JwKoWxpbUw) one that I used when writing And They Were Roommates which has a lot of overlap with my current one whoops)
> 
> I have a few more flashback scenes to write for the end but I don't have scenarios picked out for them, so if there's some past event you'd like to see feel free to leave it in the comments and I might incorporate it if the vibe is right (no promises though I'm very picky with vibes)!
> 
> The next chapter should hopefully be up by the end of the month because it's basically almost done! Hang in there guys :)


	10. February-March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating in a reasonable amount of time after the last chapter? Don't get used to it my schedule's getting crazier next month.
> 
> I'm going to do the rowing stuff at the beginning this time (yeah, I did actually remember this fic is about rowing, crazy right?) because it's mainly mentioned in the first scene:  
> *dead mosquito is a drill. I don't know if it's called that everywhere but it's usually done in an eight person boat where two people lift their oars off the water while the other six row. This makes the boat more unstable (think taking off training wheels and not having enough speed to balance your bike without using core strength). I've also done it in a four person boat (which was terrifying). I've never heard of doing it in a double because that's insane.  
> *similar vein- gunneling your oar is when you put the handle down as low as you can (to the gunnel for people who know boat terms), which causes the oars to raise all the way.  
> *boat feel is a general term referring to how well you mesh with the rhythm of the boat and how well you can adapt to the set of the boat.  
> *set is how balanced the boat is.  
> *you can balance the boat using a lot of different factors, the most common one being making sure everyone in the boat has the same oar height when you row (which is a lot harder than it sounds).

**-Present-**

“So then Bow dared us to try dead mosquito and I gunneled my oars and we flipped!” Adora was happily narrating the events of her Saturday practice to Catra.

“Are you stupid? Dead mosquito in a double! No wonder you flipped,” Catra teased as she steered their shared cart into the bakery section. During Christmas, Adora had suggested she would feel less shitty if she ate more food, and Catra was just pissed enough at Weaver at the moment to give it a shot. So carbs were once again on the menu.

“You have no faith in me. I’ll have you know I’m excellent at setting boats, thank you very much,” Adora rolled her eyes, not paying attention to where they were in the store at all.

“Yeah, I remember,” Catra nodded to the bread in front of her to avoid eye contact with Adora. In high school, Adora had some of the best boat feel in the Horde. Besides Catra herself, of course. She was especially good at knowing exactly what height her handle needed to be to set the boat. It had saved Catra’s skin in multiple windy races.

“Oh, yeah I suppose you would,” Adora’s voice came out nervous. While they had begun sending more time with each other, they had successfully avoided talking about the past since that night at the conference. And thanks to a certain boy in a crop top circulating a very intense picture of the two of them on New Year’s, neither of them had felt it necessary to meet again in person. 

Until now. Now, they were grocery shopping together. Domestic, right? And the worst part was, it wasn’t like they had stumbled across each other in the store and decided to stick together because of their slowly but surely mending friendship. No, this was premeditated. Adora was specifically tagging along with Catra because she “wanted to know what Catra could eat on her diet” so she “would know what to cook when she came over.”

Which completely destroys the purpose of their arrangement if they start going on “dates'' in private, but the self-destructive part of Catra’s brain decided not to mention it. And Catra really needed to get to the bottom of this _look_ Adora had been giving her.

(Also Adora definitely still had Catra’s diet memorized from when she was also on it in high school and as far as Catra could tell Adora couldn’t cook to save her life so Catra didn’t really know what her angle was. Unless...)

“So you flipped your boat in the middle of the river and then what?” Catra gently steered the direction of the conversation back to more comfortable territory.

“Well Glimmer was _furious_. She was treading water and yelling at Bow for encouraging us to do something so stupid. I was just trying to get back into the boat, but without Glimmer’s help I just kept falling back in the water.”

Catra laughed at the visual of Glimmer cussing out Bow while Adora was frantically trying to climb into an unstable boat. She didn’t know much about the trio, but from the time she spent with them during Christmas it seemed on brand.

“Hey, don’t laugh at my turmoil!” Adora protested good naturedly as she added a loaf of bread to the cart. And there was that look again. The look that couldn’t be love because Adora had been giving it to her since first grade, when the word love was only used in mother’s day cards or to describe just how passionate you were about your favorite food.

“Sorry, princess, but your turmoil happens to be hilarious,” Catra said before freezing. The high school nickname had just slipped out. She hadn’t called Adora princess in such a casual, private way in over two years. Up until now, it had been performative or used as an insult.

She could hear Adora inhale sharply and saw her movement halt out of the corner of her eye. She scrambled to save face, “Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean--”

“--No! It’s okay! I just wasn’t expecting it that’s all,” Adora did her signature awkward laugh that meant she was partially telling the truth but also hiding something big. Catra could pry, but she had been working on choosing her battles, and in the middle of a grocery store with a cart full of bread wasn’t a battle she particularly wanted to fight.

“Okay. Um, please continue your story.”

“Oh right!” Adora perked up instantly, “So, eventually Angella came over and she was just as upset as Glimmer, but she did a better job of hiding it. She basically told Glimmer to get her act together and we were finally able to get back in the boat.”

“Sounds like an eventful Saturday,” Catra noted as they rounded the corner and found the confectionary section of the bakery. Did she dare buy some chocolate croissants for breakfast?

“Oh that wasn’t even the end of it!” Adora continued enthusiastically, incorporating hand motions with her words, “Angella was so pissed she made us do race pieces with the men’s team. I had to do three 2k’s with soaked shoes. I have like five new blisters.”

Fuck it. Catra was going to get them. “Yikes, that sounds painful.”

“Oh yeah. That’s why I’m wearing flip flops in February,” Adora motioned to her shoes, which were, in fact, flip flops. Catra had just assumed it was some weird fashion statement when she first saw Adora.

On second thought, she shouldn’t get the croissants. She did still need to make weight. “How are you planning on practicing tomorrow then?”

“Angella told us to take the day off to ‘evaluate our professionalism.’ So no practice until Tuesday _._ ” Adora almost sounded sad about it.

“Lucky you.” Catra gave the croissants one last longing look before leaving the bakery for the produce section. If Adora noticed any signs of Catra’s internal croissant-based turmoil she didn’t say anything about it.

“Catra, I can’t be banned from practice, I’m team captain! I have to be with my team!” Adora insisted as she trailed behind her, oddly passionate for one missed practice.

“It’s not that big of a deal. I miss practice all the time and the Horde’s still doing fine, isn’t it?” That was actually debatable, but Adora didn’t need to know that.

Adora blinked at her with wide eyes. “Weaver lets you miss practice?”

“Well ‘lets’ is a strong word, but yeah. What’s she going to do, hunt me down? She doesn’t even know where I live.” Catra shrugged to herself. While she did live in fear that Weaver would learn where she lived and tear down her door one of these days, she felt safe in the fact that only Scorpia and Entrapta knew her address. And while both of them would definitely crack under Weaver’s pressure, they would both at least give her a warning before Weaver’s arrival.

“Really?” The surprise was evident in Adora’s voice.

“Yeah. Back when I lived with Scorpia she used to make special trips just to yell at me. So when I moved out I said fuck that and gave her a fake address. As far as I know, she hasn’t looked for a real one yet.”

“She just showed up to your apartment? That’s horrible!” Adora all but yelled, which drew a few scandalized eyes, “That’s, like, a major violation of your privacy.”

“Well she doesn’t do it anymore,” Catra settled on saying. Because yeah, it _was_ a major violation of her privacy and it had been both terrifying and stressful. But, again, the grocery store was not really the place to unpack all of that.

“So when you refused to tell me where you lived…?” Adora prompted gently as she threw some lettuce into the cart.

“I was worried Weaver would hunt you down and guilt you into telling her.” Catra was also worried Adora would randomly show up at her place in an attempt to talk things out, but that didn’t seem like a good thing to bring up now.

“Catra, I would never tell anyone where you lived without your permission. Least of all Weaver.” Adora sounded a little offended that Catra didn’t trust her with that. 

“Well I didn’t want to risk it. Can you blame me?” Catra defended herself. Not that she should have to justify any of this to Adora. It’s not like the other girl was entitled to her home address.

Adora sighed, “No, I really can’t. You know you don’t have to put up with that, right?”

“She’s still my coach. She’s the one in control of my contact, so I kind of do,” Catra pointed out.

There was a silence so long Catra could almost hear Adora think. “You could always leave.”

“And go where?” Catra scoffed. While her scores had gotten better and her rowing had improved vastly over the past two seasons, her reputation had become considerably worse. She doubted any other team would be willing to take on a rower as difficult as her.

“You’re one of the best professional female rowers right now. I’m sure anywhere would take you,” Adora said with sincerity.

“Yeah well I’m about as personable as a squash.” Catra glared at the unripe squashes in front of her as if they had personally wronged her. “And teamwork’s a pretty big deal. You know, everywhere but the Horde.”

Another silence. Adora became very interested in selecting the perfect yellow bell pepper. “Please don’t get mad at me for saying this.”

“Saying what?”

A deep breath. “Bright Moon would take you. Angella needs another stroke seat and I would vouch for you. Although, I probably wouldn’t have to. I kind of talk about you a lot.”

Bright Moon. For all the drama surrounding Adora leaving and trying to drag Catra with her, she had never actually considered rowing for them. At first, it had been on principle. Catra was nothing if not petty, and she was not about to join the team that had stolen Adora from her. Even after their conversation at the conference, she hadn’t allowed herself to entertain the thought because she had assumed that ship had sailed. No team wanted a reject like her.

“This isn’t me trying to make you my sidekick. I don’t even know if we would be in the same boats. I just think it would be better for you,” Adora continued, turning to make hesitant eye contact with Catra. Her eyes were full of hope, but Catra could tell she was also nervous. Catra started back at her blankly.

“Bright Moon would take me?” Catra did her best to keep the hope out of her voice. She hadn’t allowed herself to feel hope in years, not since Adora left.

“Yeah. You could probably negotiate a raise, actually,” Adora laughed, “The Horde’s been doing way better since you became captain, so you’re obviously doing something right.”

“And you think your teammates would tolerate me?”

“Tolerate you? Catra, they’d love you!” The sincerity in Adora’s voice almost broke Catra’s heart all over again.

“Adora, I just remembered I forgot something. Stay here while I get it?” Catra needed some time to think things through. For the first time in her life, she realized that _she could leave._ Not because she was friends with Adora, but because she had put in the work. Because _she_ was an athlete worth recruiting.

“Yeah, no problem. Take your time,” Adora said, for once in her life picking up on the fact that Catra wasn’t saying what she meant.

Catra turned around and made a beeline back to the bakery. She was getting those fucking chocolate croissants. 

**-Summer Junior Year: Four years ago, one year eight months before leaving-**

_Sometimes Catra got overwhelmed. Adora never knew exactly what set her off, but she could see it in her body language. She got more tense, she snapped at people more, and was generally moodier._

_Adora had just come home from Lonnie’s house. Her and Lonnie had a partner presentation in chemistry--Catra was taking AP chemistry so she wasn’t in Adora’s class--and they had spent their entire day making slides about how an electrode works. She walked through the door and there was Catra, sitting at their dining room table and working on her homework quietly._

_“Hey, I’m home,” Adora called to her._

_“That’s nice,” Catra said, not looking up from her homework. Her grip on her pencil was tighter than usual, and her writing was darker on the paper._

_“How was your day?” Adora tried._

_“Fine,” Catra replied, “Distraction free.”_

_So Catra was having one of those days. Weird. Usually they happened after Weaver pulled her aside during practice, but Weaver was at a coaching conference today so she hadn’t talked to Catra._

_“Great! So that means you’re basically done with everything, right?” Adora changed tactics. She might not know what set Catra off in the first place, but she knew how to fix it._

_Catra finally looked up from her homework, “Why?”_

_“Because we should go to the outlook! I bet the stars look great tonight,” Adora smiled at her friend._

_“I have a lot of homework to do,” Catra shook her head. So that’s how it was going to be. Sometimes Catra needed Adora to chase her, to beg her and insist that she actually did want to spend more time with her._

_“On a Friday night?” Adora asked, “Since when did you become such a nerd?”_

_Catra glared at her, but she didn’t seem to be that angry, “Since I need to get an A in English to get into Etheria U.”_

_“I’m sure Hamlet can wait until tomorrow,” Adora closed the book in front of Catra gently, making sure the page was marked, “I missed you all day.”_

_“You did?” Catra parked up instantly. Those words always worked like a charm._

_“Um, yeah. Lonnie’s like so boring.” A bit of an exaggeration, but it was the kind of reassurance Catra needed tonight. And Adora would much rather spend time with Catra than Lonnie, anyways._

_Catra smiled to herself, as if pleased that Adora deemed her more interesting than Lonnie. “So, stargazing, huh?”_

_“Or, you know, whatever,” Adora shrugged. Stargazing sounded a bit too romantic, now that she heard it aloud. Not that she was opposed, but Catra probably would be._

_“No, no, stargazing sounds good,” Catra encouraged, “You know I’ll never pass up the opportunity to make you my chauffeur.”_

_“We really need to work on getting you a license,” Adora joked. She loved driving Catra around. She loved that the other girl needed her for something, even if it was something as small as a ride to school._

_Catra shook her head, “Could you imagine Weaver teaching me how to drive? There’s no way that ends without me driving us off a cliff.”_

_“I mean... I could teach you,” Adora did her best to sound casual. Because the more she thought of it the more fun teaching Catra how to drive sounded._

_“Oh fuck yes! Let’s do that now!” Catra sprung out of her seat and started walking towards the garage._

_“Woah, wait a minute! There’s no way I’m letting you drive all the way to heart point,” Adora grabbed Catra’s wrist to keep her from moving any further. Catra turned around and glared at her._

_“And why not?”_

_“Because it’s dark out! And the road is really windy! You’ll drive off the edge if you’re not careful,” Adora argued._

_“I’ll be careful,” Catra insisted with a face that very clearly demonstrated that she would not be careful._

_“Last time you said that you almost broke your arm,” Adora pointed out._

_Catra frowned. “That was one time. And I_ didn’t _break my arm.”_

_“I’ll teach you how to drive in the morning. Just let me drive tonight,” Adora suggested._

_Instead of responding, Catra gently pried herself from Adora’s grip and took both of Adora’s hands in hers. Then she took a step towards Adora and looked her in the eyes. Adora did her best to keep her breathing steady as Catra’s eyes widened with a pleading look._

_“Please, Adora? I promise I’ll be so careful,” Catra begged, “For me?”_

_Adora should say no. If not because of the obvious safety issue, because of the principle of the thing. But Catra just looked so cute pouting and Adora would really do anything to make her happy. She was weak like that. So,_ so _horribly weak._

_“You can drive to the highway, but then we’re switching so I can merge and drive the hard parts,” Adora finally relented._

_Catra pulled Adora into a hug. Adora let her arms wrap around Catra’s waist, enjoying how warm her friend was in her arms._

_“Thanks, princess,” Catra whispered in her ear with a voice far too smug for someone who was begging seconds ago._

_When they separated, Catra was smirking at her. Adora shook her head. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”_

_“Again,” Catra nodded, “If it makes you feel better, some people think gullibility is hot.”_

Do you? _“I’m backing out of the driveway too. I don’t trust you with reversing.”_

_“Fair enough,” Catra nodded._

_Adora managed to pull the car out of the driveway without incident--because she, unlike Catra, was a_ licenced driver _with more than 50 hours of driving experience, 10 of those being at night--but then it was Catra’s turn to get in the driver’s seat. And Adora had definitely made a mistake._

_“So tell me what you know about driving,” Adora prompted once she was safely buckled in the passenger’s seat._

_“You mean other than PRNDL?”_

_“That doesn’t count you got that from a TV show,” Adora rolled her eyes._

_“Um, okay,” Catra looked around the driver’s seat, “Well one peddle means go and the other means stop. That” Catra paused to point at the lever that controlled the headlights, “looks like a turn signal. I don’t know what the other one” Catra pointed to the turn signal, “does. Maybe one’s for left and one’s for right? Oh! And you use PRNDL to change from drive to reverse and all that other stuff.”_

_Adora took a deep breath, “Wow, okay. So the lever on your left is the turn signal and the headlights. The one on the right is for your windshield wipers.”_

_“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Catra looked back at her, clearly amused at Adora’s exasperation._

_“Right. So to start you put your foot on the brake, and then you shift back from park to drive,” Adora did her best to instruct._

_“And the brake is…?”_

_“The left one. But still use your right foot to press it.”_

_“Why?”_

_Adora shrugged, “Beats me. I think it has to do with stick shifts.”_

_“But this isn’t a stick shift.”_

_“Do you want to drive or not?”_

_Catra put her hands up in mock surrender, “Alright. So pressing the left pedal with my right foot, which is going to be a big issue when I need to press the right pedal with my right foot, by the way.”_

_“You just pivot your foot,” Adora demonstrated with her hand, “But put it in drive first.”_

_Catra nodded. For her part, she did seem pretty focused as she shifted from park to drive. Attractively focused, some might say._

_But then she practically slammed on the gas and the car shot into the street like a rocket._

_“Brakes!” Adora yelled. Catra slammed on the brakes, causing the car to come to a screeching halt in the middle of the road. There was a stunned silence before they both started laughing._

_“Okay,” Adora finally gathered herself enough to say, “So a couple of things. One, you can’t just slam on the acceleration whenever you feel like it, you have to be gentle. Two, did you even look for oncoming traffic before you went?”_

_“It’s late. Who would even be driving right now?” Catra argued. Adora decided to put the car in park before Catra forgot she was pressing on the brake and sent them drifting into a tree._

_“If we’re driving it’s possible other people are driving too,” Adora sighed._

_“How about you drive then, miss I know more than you?” Catra suggested. Adora nodded, That sounded infinitely safer._

_With Adora in the driver’s seat, things went much smoother. Catra still gave Adora directions from the passenger seat, just like every other time they made the drive. Adora didn’t need it; they had both memorized the route to heart point months ago, but it had become a habit._

_Once at heart point, Adora turned off the car and they made their outside to sit on the hood of the car instead. As always, they looked out over their city, bright and shining. Thanks to the clear weather, Adora could also see stars in the sky ahead. It was beautiful; almost as beautiful as the woman sitting next to her._

_“Hey, Adora?” Catra broke the peaceful silence._

_“What’s up?” Adora turned to look at her friend._

_Catra took a deep breath, “Are things going to change when we move out of Weaver’s house?”_

_They hadn't talked about their plans after high school yet, but they were just a year away from being eighteen. They were going to need a plan soon, preferably one that got them out of Weaver’s house as soon as possible._

_“They don’t have to change,” Adora mused, “Not if we live together.”_

_“You’re cool with living together?” Catra asked._

_Ideally, Adora would spend her entire life as Catra’s roommate. In both the modern sense of living with another person and the historical sense of two people who were definitely lovers but historians were too cowardly to admit it. But the realistic part of Adora’s mind knew that Catra was eventually going to start dating. And one day, Catra would be ready to move out and leave Adora behind. Things would be much different then._

_“Yes, Catra, I’d love to live with you,” Adora grabbed her friend’s hand and squeezed it for emphasis._

_“You’re not going to make some fancy new college friends and move in with them?” Catra was definitely going for a teasing tone, but it fell a bit flat._

_“Not if you don’t leave me for your fancy new college friends,” Adora confirmed._

_“Okay, it’s a deal then. No leaving,” Catra said with finality. Adora couldn’t tell if she was still joking or not. Not that it mattered. Adora was being dead serious._

_“I promise I’m never going to leave you, Catra.”_

**-Present-**

“Catra, may I have a word?” Weaver said cooly as the rest of the team gathered their belongings and made their way out of the boat house.

Catra sighed, “Sure. What’s up?”

“It has come to my attention that you and Adora have rekindled your old… _relationship_.” Weaver put a special emphasis on the word. Now that Catra thought about it, Weaver had probably assumed the two of them were at the very least having sex, if not dating. They did spend a considerable amount of time alone in each other’s rooms, after all, and Catra had most certainly treated Adora’s absence like a breakup.

Catra crossed her arms, “And what about it?”

“I’m worried for you, my dear.” She didn’t sound too worried. “I remember what happened last time you allowed Adora to get so close. I would hate to see you get hurt again.”

“Really? Because from what I remember from last time you’re the reason I was hurt in the first place.” If Weaver hadn’t put that stupid thought in her head that Adora hated her, things would have gone a lot differently.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Waver crossed her arms and fixed Catra with a waning glare.

“Oh, I think you do,” Catra rolled her eyes, “You’re the one who told me Adora was leaving because she didn’t love me. If you hadn’t raised me on all that bullshit about Adora’s love being the only thing that gives me worth, none of this mess would have happened.”

“I fail to see how pointing out that Adora doesn’t love you is connected to your self confidence issues, Catra,” Weaver smiled sweetly.

“And how do you know Adora didn’t love me?” _How do you know she doesn’t love me now?_

“Catra, my dear, she left you. Abandoned you for a new set of teammates she had only met once. Would someone who truly loved you do that?” The words stung. Even though Catra had heard Adora’s side of the story, even though Catra was doing her best to forgive her friend, those words cut deep. They exposed every insecurity she had. That she wasn’t good enough for Adora, that Adora would rather row with strangers than with her. That she would always be second best.

“Maybe she didn’t leave because of me. Maybe she left because of you,” Catra suggested.

Weaver smiled wickedly, “Careful, Catra. If you don’t get these emotions under control you’ll say something you regret.”

“No, I don’t think I’ll regret that,” Catra crossed her arms, “I think I’m right. Adora left because she couldn’t stand you. Did you know she tried to take me with her? She wanted us to both leave you, because she loves me more than she loves you.”

“Don’t you see? This is exactly what I was concerned about. You’ve started trusting her again and she’s using that trust to manipulate you.” Weaver turned to look at the boats instead of at Catra. Catra chose to believe it was because her face was betraying an emotion she didn’t want Catra to see.

Two years ago, Catra would have believed that. One year ago, she probably would have believed it. But she knew better now. Weaver was the one who had made Catra feel inferior. She was the one who had given Catra trust issues and told her she was worthless. Weaver was the manipulative one, not Adora.

“Oh, fuck off. I think we both know who's really manipulating me,” Catra scoffed before grabbing her things and leaving. 

“Catra! Come back here right this instant!” Weaver yelled from behind her, but Catra didn’t bother to look back. She was so fucking done. All these years, wasted believing the lies Weaver had fed her. She had finally reached the last straw. She wasn’t going to let people walk all over her anymore. She was her own person and her own athlete. And it felt fucking amazing.

Catra got into her car feeling better than she had felt in years. It was like a weight had been lifted. She could finally let herself acknowledge how far she had come. She could finally view her hard work as her own, not a frantic stumble to catch up with Adora. Everything that happened to Catra from here on out would happen because Catra earned it, not because someone was pitying her.

Catra started driving. She didn’t really want to go home--despite not sharing her address with Weaver she was fairly certain the woman would do everything in her power to hunt her down--so she just let herself go on autopilot. She turned on the radio as she replayed the conversation over again in her head.

Weaver was the one who had convinced her Adora would never love her. But now Catra knew that wasn’t true. In fact, a large number of interactions in high school made a lot more sense if she assumed Adora did love her. Which sent an entirely new set of questions to the forefront of her mind: If Adora _did_ at one point love her, why did she reject her that night? And why did she never make a move? Why did she just let Catra ruin their relationship without saying anything?

It wasn’t until Catra pulled her car into the parking lot that she realized where she had gone. She would recognize that view anywhere. It was the backdrop of so many memories; so bright and beautiful. These past two years she had only risked coming in the day time. She knew there was a possibility that Adora would come at night, so she did everything in her power to only come while Bright Moon was practicing. She had forgotten how pretty the stars were.

As Catra took in the view, she realized she needed closure. She couldn’t live the rest of her life not knowing if Adora returned her feelings. Even if she didn’t now, she had to know if she once did. She just needed those high school years to make sense.

[New Message: To princess]

>>im at heart point

The text was perhaps a little vague, but if Adora didn’t understand what Catra was saying then they had grown apart more than Catra had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger! I hope I've earned your guys' trust enough at this point for you to know I have a point to the break here and I (kind of) know what I'm doing. 
> 
> I have the next chapter mostly done, so hopefully I'll have it out late this month/early next month. (Actually, I will because if I don't have the last scene written by the first week of March I'm just putting it in Catra's next chapter haha) I'm very excited to get it out asap!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! This fic has been really fun to write and I'm glad you're all enjoying it too :)


	11. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually made my self-imposed deadline! Procrastinating cleaning the kitchen can do wonderful things for the rest of your life.
> 
> Also just a note Adora's relationship with sex is based on my own experience it's not me trying to dramatize how attracted she is to Catra sometimes attraction is just like that.
> 
> As always thank you for reading and enjoy the chapter :)

**-Senior Year: Two years ago, one night before leaving-**

_Adora was nervous. This would be her last race in the Horde. Was that something she should be happy about? Or should the thought make her sad? Was she excited about starting over in Bright Moon, or was she scared?_

_There was only one person who could quiet Adora’s thoughts, and fortunately for Adora she was lying right next to her. “Catra, I can’t sleep.”_

_“Adora, it’s been like five minutes. Give it time,” Catra sighed, not rolling over._

_“I’m not going to be able to sleep. I’m too nervous,” Adora insisted. Should she just tell Catra now? It seemed unfair to make her friend race her final race with the Horde without even knowing it._

_That got Catra’s attention. She rolled over until they were looking at each other in the eyes. Adora was a bit closer to the center of the bed than normal, so their faces were much closer than usual. Adora could see the patterns in Catra’s eyes, even in the dark of the hotel room._

_Catra frowned at her. “Why the fuck are you nervous? It’s just a race. We’ve done so many of those.”_

_Adora hesitated. There was so much more to this race than that. She needed a good placement to prove to her new team she would be a worthy addition, and she needed Catra to have a good placement for the same reason. But if she told Catra now, the other girl would freak out. She finally settled on saying, “But this is Nationals! Do you know how huge it would be if we won this? We would be able to sign onto any team we wanted.”_

_“So? Weaver’s moving up to the pro team next year. We both know she’ll sign us.” Catra sounded uninterested in the very obvious conversation starter Adora had just thrown her way._

_“But haven’t you ever wondered what other teams are like?” Adora whispered, trying again to steer the conversation, “We don’t have to spend our entire lives in the Horde. Weaver’s not even our legal guardian anymore.”_

_They already had plans to move out after graduation. They had picked out an apartment closer to Etheria university, and Adora had even taught Catra how to drive so she could go to class on days their schedules differed. Not that Adora trusted Catra to make it to class safely, but in the eyes of the law she could, in theory, not kill anyone on the drive over._

_Catra’s eyes searched Adora’s face. For what Adora wasn’t sure. Adora couldn’t handle the eye contact right now, so she looked at the stark white of the comforter instead. Finally, Catra spoke. “But we’ve always been in the Horde. If we switched, we would have to start all of our progress from scratch. Not to mention all the other teams have toxic cultures.”_

_“Yeah, we have good teammates here,” Adora agreed, unsure what else to say. It was clear that Catra didn’t want to talk about this tonight. Adora was sure she would be more receptive tomorrow; fresh off a win and pissed at whatever end of season speech Weaver gave them. Catra would be thrilled to finally rid herself of Weaver._

_“Remember that team sleepover last summer? That was so fun.” Adora finally piped up, grabbing the first conversation topic she could think of. She didn’t want to stop talking to Catra yet. Her mind was still racing._

_Catra scrunched her nose in that cute way she did sometimes, “Oh, you mean the sleepover where everyone talked about boys? Gross.”_

_“Well, yeah, I guess. Why, did you not enjoy that?” Adora teased with a laugh. She knew the feeling._

_“No. I just don’t get all the hype,” Catra replied, either not picking up on Adora’s teasing tone or very intent on telling her something major about herself._

_“You mean about boys?” Adora brought her eyes up to look at Catra again. The other girl was staring at her, eyes wide and scared._

_“Yeah, like what’s the big deal? Literally none of them are attractive. Like, at all. I would never want to date one,” Catra insisted._

_Adora considered her friend. She had known Catra was at least interested in women in some capacity for a while now. There was just no other explanation for the way Catra looked at the girls on their team. But being bi-curious and being on the verge of coming out to your best friend are two very different things._

_Catra did not seem to like the look Adora was giving her, so she backtracked, “Is that weird? Maybe I’m just a late bloomer.”_

_“No, I don’t think it’s weird. There are other girls that think like that too,” Adora reassured her. If Catra was coming out to her, should she also come out? It’s not like she had a label for her sexuality though, and wasn’t about to say, “Oh, I’m you-sexual.”_

_“What girls?” Catra asked. The question took Adora off guard. Catra knew all the out people on their team just as well as Adora did. Maybe even better, if she was actively looking for a girlfriend. Which she probably was; Catra deserved a girlfriend._

_“I dunno… Lonnie I guess. And others.” Coming out at the same time as Catra would probably make the other girl feel invalidated. It would be better for both of them if she waited._

_“I don’t want Lonnie,” Catra said, almost as if on instinct. Adora didn’t know what it meant, but there was a dangerous implication. One that she had to test before she jumped to it._

_Baby steps. She moved her hand from its spot beside Catra’s until they were touching. She could hear Catra inhale as she moved her hand, until it was covering her friend’s entirely. They were still staring at each other, as if daring the other to make a move._

_“It doesn’t have to be Lonnie,” Adora whispered. Baby steps. She could do this._

_Catra moved closer to Adora. That was a good sign. She took a deep breath before moving her hand gently up Catra’s forearm. She made it to her elbow before stopping, deciding to instead rub small circles in her friend’s soft skin. The moment would be peaceful if Adora’s heartbeat wasn’t pulsing in her ear and if Catra wasn’t looking at her with a terrifyingly unreadable expression._

_“If not Lonnie, then who?” Catra shattered the silence, her voice small and scared. She broke eye contact, deciding instead to look at some spot on the wall behind her. Adora kept her eyes trained on her friend, determined to figure out what this new expression meant._

_“Oh, Catra,” Adora didn’t know how to say this. She didn’t know how to tell Catra how perfect they would be together, how if Adora could be with her for even a moment she would be the luckiest woman in the world. Because if she did, there would be no going back._

_Her hand was still on Catra’s elbow. It had been there for far too long. Things were getting awkward. She moved her hand up to Catra’s shoulder before pausing. The pause was just as much to collect herself as it was to gauge Catra’s reaction. Catra closed her eyes and breathed with her entire body. As if she was making a decision about something. Was she deciding something about Adora?_

_Then Catra opened her eyes and looked at Adora. Adora held her look, determined to convey everything she felt for her friend with her eyes. She wasn’t strong enough to confess, not tonight. Not when her entire life was about to be thrown upside down and she was going to need her best friend more than ever. But she could wait until Catra got the hint. Catra was always good at reading her._

_The silence was unbearable. Adora spoke again. “There are so many women who would be lucky to have you, Catra.”_

_“Who?” Catra asked again._

_It hurt to keep this from Catra. Her friend looked so confused and vulnerable, and Adora wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. But she couldn’t. She didn’t know what Catra wanted to hear. Did she want a confession? Did she want reassurance they were just friends? Adora didn’t know, and she couldn’t risk being wrong._

_She settled for gently cupping Catra’s cheek with her hand. It was a small, comforting gesture. She hoped it said everything she couldn’t express with words. Catra seemed okay with that, so Adora decided to take one final step. It was probably too bold, but she needed to know how Catra would react. As long as she didn’t say the words she had plausible deniability, right?_

_Adora placed gentle pressure on Catra’s cheek, and Catra let her face follow the pressure. They stared at each other, much closer than either of them had anticipated being. Adora held her breath. They were_ so close. _She looked at Catra’s lips. Even in the shadows of the room they looked so soft._

_Catra put her hand over Adora’s, as if to keep it in place. Her hand was cold. “Adora, who?” Catra asked a third time. Adora watched Catra’s lips form the words._

_Why wasn’t Catra kissing her? Why was she just staring at her? Why was she still asking that question? With a sinking horror, Adora realized that this kiss wasn’t going to happen. She had misinterpreted. The connection she thought she had with Catra was one sided. Her and Catra were just friends. Unsure what else to do, Adora leaned forward and brought their foreheads together. As if that was her plan all along._

_“Oh,_ Catra _,” Adora needed to tell Catra. She couldn’t let these feelings fester. “Catra… I--”_

_“--Tell me, Adora. Tell me who would be lucky to have me,” Catra interrupted her._

_“Catra, I--”_

_There’s no telling what would happen if she told her friend. Especially now that she knew she would be rejected. Would Catra even want to be her friend after she confessed? Would they ever be able to be friends again? Adora should wait, until after their race. She didn’t want to ruin Catra’s placements by dropping this bomb on her tonight. “I’m so sorry. We need to talk after the season’s over.”_

_“What?” Catra’s eyes shot up to meet Adora. She looked_ pissed _, which was not what Adora was expecting at all._

 _“I’m sorry. It’s just… tomorrow’s such a big deal,” Adora tried to explain, “We can’t go in with distractions.”_ I can’t race fresh off of a verbal rejection.

_“Oh.”_

_Catra looked away. She looked alone. It was an expression Adora hadn’t seen on Catra since elementary school, when Adora was in a different class in third grade. Catra had been scared Adora would find new friends and leave her. Adora had spent every single lunch break with Catra, without fail._

_“Catra, no, that’s not what I meant!” Adora backtracked. She had no idea why Catra was feeling that way, but in third grade she had sworn to herself to keep Catra from being alone ever again, “It’s just that a change in our dynamic now could change the whole boat. It’s one day, then we’ll talk. I promise.”_

_Catra didn’t respond. She just looked blankly over Adora’s shoulder._

_“Catra, talk to me please,” Adora said after a few moments of tense silence. Somehow she had managed to both mess up their relationship and not confess. The worst part was, she didn’t even know what had made Catra so angry in the first place._

_Catra swatted Adora’s hand from her face as if it was burning her. “Fine. We’ll talk after the stupid race tomorrow and everything will be rainbows and unicorns. Happy?”_

_This was bad. Adora wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Catra this angry. She had no idea what to do. “We_ will _talk. We’ll work it out. We always do.”_

 _“Yeah, well, just try not to let me_ distract _you too much tomorrow, hotshot,” Catra spat before turning her back to Adora. Adora stared at her back, unsure what to do. She didn’t think anything she said would make things better. Catra just needed some time to cool down._

_Adora didn’t sleep that night. She hoped Catra was able to sleep, at least._

**-Present-**

<<im at heart point

Adora stared down at her phone in shock. Things had been going better with Catra. So much better that they texted regularly. They even called each other every once in a while to catch up. Adora loved listening to Catra’s voice as the other girl described whatever hellish workout Weaver was putting them through or as she complained about what food she was eating. If Adora tried hard enough, sometimes she could pretend that they were still in high school.

But things had not been going so well that they were just texting each other to randomly hang out on a Thursday night. Not that Adora minded. She was already up and grabbing a light jacket and searching for her keys that Glimmer moved when she took the car grocery shopping yesterday and didn’t return to the right place.

After some panicked searching, she found her keys behind the flour container on the counter--which, for the record, wasn’t anywhere _near_ the key hook they were supposed to be on--and made her way down to the car. She didn’t want to keep Catra waiting.

She didn’t need to look up directions. Heart point was the one place that she knew how to get to from anywhere in the city. Even after Catra stopped talking to her, she would go to enjoy the view and think of what could have been. It hadn’t been her healthiest habit, but it had got her through some rough months.

She may or may not have gone a concerning amount above the speed limit, but it’s not like there was anyone around to see it. She reached the outlook and with a rush of relief saw Catra still sitting there, on the hood of her car, looking out over their city. It was a peaceful scene. Adora almost felt bad ruining it.

“Catra!” Adora called as soon as she parked her car and opened the door. Catra turned to look at her with a gentle smile.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up, princess,” She said, her voice betraying her vulnerability.

“Really? I came as fast as I could,” Adora made her way to where Catra was sitting.

“Yeah, but you never responded to my text!” Catra glared at her, “I thought you were ignoring me!”

“Oh, sorry. I guess I forgot,” Adora smiled sheepishly. Perhaps she had been a bit too hasty in her rush out of the apartment.

“God you’re so stupid,” Catra rolled her eyes before looking back over the city. Her eyes practically glowed in the yellow city lights, and everything about her looked softer.

“So, why did you want me to come?” Adora asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

Catra took a deep breath before responding, eyes still fixed on the view, “We need to talk. About Nationals.”

“We do?” Adora asked. She was pretty sure they had talked about everything at the conference in October. Catra seemed satisfied with Adora’s apology and things seemed as back to normal as they could be. In fact, things had been going extremely well since Christmas. What more was there to say? Unless Catra was going to ask her about her feelings.

“Yeah, we do,” Catra nodded, turning to look at Adora again. She looked determined, as if she had psyched herself up for this conversation.

“Okay? Well can you go first then because I feel pretty good with how we left things? Unless you still feel like I hate you, in which case I still don’t hate you,” Adora rambled. She didn’t know what she would do if Catra asked her point-blank about her emotions. She couldn’t lie to save her life, especially not to Catra, but if she told the truth she risked ruining this new, fragile friendship they had finally managed to rebuild.

“This isn’t about you changing teams,” Catra looked down at her hands, “It’s about the night before.”

Adora’s heart leapt into her throat as panic shot through her. So Catra did know about her feelings. “What about the night before?”

Catra took a deep breath and looked away again, “I’ve been replaying that conversation over and over in my head. I get now why you wanted to wait until after the race to talk. But what I don’t get is why you led me on like that.”

“Led you on?” Adora echoed. She had no idea what she was talking about.

“Yeah,” Catra laughed awkwardly, “Like, I get it. You didn’t have feelings for me so you wanted to let me down gently.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Adora asked. Catra didn’t think Adora had feelings for her? Then how did she interpret that night? And why was she acting like Adora rejected her, when she rejected Adora?

Catra looked at her again, this time her eyes shining with unshed tears, “Adora, if you didn’t feel the same way, why did you look at me like that? Why do you still look at me like that?”

“Catra…” Adora stared at her best friend in shock, “Catra, what do you think happened that night?”

Catra gave her a strange look. Adora sighed, “Please, Catra? I think we interpreted that conversation differently.”

“Fine,” Catra brought a foot up to rest on her car and started playing with the shoelace, “We were talking about attraction. I came out to you, and told you I had a crush on someone, but not on Lonnie. It was obvious I meant you. You implied that you thought I was very dateable and then we almost kissed, but instead of kissing me you rejected me. Sound about right?”

“What? I didn’t reject you, you rejected me!” Adora exclaimed.

Catra scrunched her nose, “I think I would remember rejecting my childhood crush.”

 _Childhood crush?_ “But then why didn’t you kiss me?” Adora asked in exasperation.

“Because _you_ were supposed to kiss _me_ ,” Catra shot back, “I had practically just confessed to you. You were supposed to take the final step.”

“You never said you had a crush on _me_ though,” Adora argued, “You could have been talking about anybody! How was I supposed to know you were talking about me?”

“Dude, I was looking at your lips when I said it.”

“You looked at my lips like all the time in high school though.” _Sometimes you still do._

Catra rolled her eyes, “Gee, I wonder why.”

Adora gaped at Catra for a few moments as her friend--ex? crush? person?--gave her an amused look. Finally, she gathered her thoughts enough to ask, “So the whole ‘anyone would be lucky to have you’ just went right over your head, then?”

The brunette groaned in exasperation, “Adora, by senior year you had chickened out on kissing me so many times I had convinced myself you were straight. I thought you were just being supportive.”

“Name one time I chickened out on kissing you,” Adora crossed her arms.

“Okay, well that time sophomore year with the chocolate, the time at Lonnie’s party, that _other_ time at Lonnie’s party, the time at Rogelio’s party, every dance we went to, every time we were alone in your car,” Catra listed, “Do you want me to continue?” 

“No, I got it,” Adora shook her head, “So you not kissing me wasn’t a rejection, it was a test?”

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that,” Catra shrugged.

And, well, now things made a lot more sense. A _lot_ more sense. No wonder Catra was so pissed at her when Adora wanted to stop talking. No wonder she was furious the next day. Catra thought she had just been rejected twice in two days.

“So you thought the reason I left the next day was because I didn’t return your feelings?” She clarified.

Catra nodded, “I thought you didn’t trust me enough to give me the news the night before. I thought you had thought of us as just friends so intensely that you were talking about leaving that night and never picked up on the fact that I was confessing.”

“Well I definitely didn’t pick up on the fact that you were confessing. But, for the record, I was talking about us when I said we should talk later, not about me leaving. I wanted to wait until after I told you I was going to Bright Moon to confess because I thought you were going to reject me.”

“If you were going to wait until after telling me you were leaving, why did it matter if I rejected you or not?” Catra asked.

“Well, one, because I thought once I told you I was leaving you would decide to go with me! It never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t want to come with me. So it didn’t really matter when I confessed, as long as I managed to do it. And two, we had a race the next day and I didn’t think I could race right after a rejection,” Adora explained. She was grateful that Catra wasn’t looking at her right now.

“I can’t believe this,” Catra groaned, “All this time we both thought we were rejecting each other? I mean, from you it’s no surprise. But me? I thought I was better than this!”

“Turns out you’re just as much of a useless lesbian as I am,” Adora teased. It felt weird, to know that Catra had liked her at the same time she liked Catra. It was almost bittersweet. On one hand, she felt validated. She had picked up on those signals correctly, even if the way she reacted to it desperately needed improvement. On the other hand, it felt like she was being stabbed in the heart. Because she could have had everything she had ever wanted, but instead she had hesitated and it was all gone. Catra had clearly moved on, and now Adora would be stuck pining after her friend for the rest of her life.

There was silence as they both processed this revelation. Finally, Catra spoke up again, “So have you figured out why Scorpia broke up with me?”

“No?” _How is that relevant?_

“Of course not,” Catra laughed, “Look, I need you to promise me we’re going to try to be friends no matter what. I missed you.”

“Yeah, of course we’re going to be friends! I missed you too.” Adora grabbed Catra’s hand to comfort her.

“Okay,” Catra nodded, “So you know how I said that she dumped me for having feelings for someone else?”

Adora nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak at the moment. Because there was only one way this particular train of thought could go.

“Yeah, well,” Catra laughed again, this time more bitter, “Turns out I’m way shittier at getting over people than I had thought.”

Adora’s mind froze. Catra still had feelings for her? After all this time, her friend still felt the same? There was no way. This had to be some sort of elaborate joke.

“What?” Adora said after an awkwardly long silence.

“Um, yeah,” Catra’s eyes scanned Adora’s face nervously, “I guess I just never really got over you. I’m sorry.”

“What? No! Catra, you don’t have to be sorry!” Adora backtracked frantically, “I still have feelings for you too!”

“You do?” Catra’s eyes were trained on hers intently.

It was Adora’s turn to laugh, “Yes, I do. I’ve had feelings for you for as long as I can remember.”

“Are you shitting me right now?” Catra asked in shock.

Adora looked at the view in front of them. “No, Catra. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

When Adora turned back, Catra was looking at her with that soft expression, the one she used at the end of races and when they got ready for dances and when they argued about the superior breakfast food. It made Adora feel weak; it took her breath away and made her want to stay in this moment forever. Catra brought a hand up to cup Adora’s cheek gently.

“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” Catra mumbled, just loud enough for Adora to hear.

“Yeah,” Adora agreed.

Then Catra leaned forward and joined their lips in a gentle kiss. It was tentative, almost as if Catra was afraid Adora was going to change her mind. Adora couldn’t have that, so she wrapped an arm around Catra’s waist and pulled their bodies closer together. Seeming to get the hint, Catra’s tongue gently licked at the seam of Adora’s lips. Adora opened her mouth eagerly, allowing Catra’s tongue access.

It was perfect. They were still relatively new to kissing each other, so it was uncoordinated as they learned what the other liked. But it was so tender and Catra was right there with Adora in the moment and Adora wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here. With Catra.

They let their foreheads rest against each other as they pulled back for air. Catra’s pupils were wide as she smiled up at Adora. “Wow.”

Adora laughed, “Yeah. You’re telling me we could have been doing that for years?”

“Shut up and kiss me again,” Catra rolled her eyes. Adora leaned in happily, joining their lips again. This kiss was more aggressive and passionate as they became more familiar with each other. Adora could feel something building within her. This was so much more intense than any kiss she had shared with previous partners. She _wanted_ it so much more.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Adora asked when they broke apart again.

“Smooth,” Catra teased, “And where would we go?”

“My apartment?” Adora offered. She hoped it wasn’t too presumptuous to invite Catra over so soon.

“Someone’s eager,” Catra smirked at her before rejoining their lips in a kiss. Adora hummed against her contentedly.

“I mean, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Adora reassured the brunette when they separated, “This is just a little public.”

“I don't mind. You know, my first real fantasy was us hooking up in your car.” Catra’s hand traced over Adora’s arm lightly.

“Wait, really?” Car sex seemed like a horrible fantasy. All cramped and sweaty and in public.

Catra shrugged, “It was the first thing I thought of when you suggested driving me somewhere.”

“Well that wasn’t my intention.” Adora had originally intended for this outlook to be _romantic._ “Also, we can’t hook up in my car. Bow and Glimmer also drive it.”

“You’re no fun,” Catra pouted, “Fine, take me to your apartment or whatever.”

“I promise a bed will be more fun than the backseat,” Adora laughed.

“Speaking of backseats, you’re driving me back here tomorrow so I can pick up my car,” Catra declared as she made her way to the passenger’s seat.

“Oh, so you’re spending the night now?” Adora put her seatbelt on and took out her key. The car hummed to life and Adora threw the car in reverse.

“If that’s okay,” Catra said with uncertainty.

Adora put her car in drive before reaching over with her free hand to grab Catra’s. “Yeah, that’s more than okay.”

Adora kept her eyes glued on the road. Right now they needed to get to her apartment safely, and Adora couldn’t risk getting distracted by the painfully attractive woman in the passenger’s seat.

Catra seemed to have other ideas. After Adora dropped her hand to drive, Catra’s hand made its way to Adora’s leg. It was just resting there gently, almost innocently, but Adora’s mind had zeroed in on the contact. She swallowed, willing herself to remain focused.

After approximately an eternity of driving, Adora was finally pulling into her apartment’s parking garage. She mentally thanked Bow for suggesting that they all pitch in for a reserved parking spot by the elevator. She didn’t know what she would do if they had to search the parking lot for a spot.

After throwing her car in park aggressively, they both made their way out of Adora’s car in record time. The elevator ride up was silent, filled with tense but excited energy. At some point, someone grabbed the other’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

Adora all but dragged Catra from the elevator to the door of her apartment. She struggled with her key for much too long, which earned her a laugh from Catra. Finally the door was opened and they walked into the apartment, which was lit by the kitchen lights.

“Catra?” Glimmer’s voice came from the kitchen. Adora internally groaned. She did not want to stop and have a conversation about this with Glimmer right now.

“Glowstick! What’s good?” Catra followed Adora inside and fixed Adora’s roommate with a toothy grin, clearly with the intention to annoy Glimmer so much she stopped talking to them.

“What are you doing here?” Glimmer’s eyes narrowed.

“Nothing!” Adora butted in. She needed this conversation to be over yesterday, “We just have some... Um, we have some…”

“Some urgent matters we need to sort out,” Catra helped her as she tightened her grip on Adora’s hand.

“Urgent matters?” Glimmer raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah, _super_ important stuff,” Adora nodded before taking a step towards their hallway, “ThatweshouldreallybegettingtorightawaybyeGlimmer.”

“Just make sure I can’t hear whatever these urgent matters are from my room,” Glimmer pointed an accusatory finger at Adora. Which was ridiculous, because she had never had anyone over to their apartment, let alone kept Glimmer up with one of them.

“No promises, Sequins,” Catra winked before following Adora down the hall. They practically sprinted to Adora’s door. Seconds after opening her door, Adora found herself pressed against the other side. She could feel the heat of Catra’s body, even through her clothes. Her heartbeat was raging in her ears and the heat from the outlook had returned in full force.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra whispered in her ear lowly as one of her hands made its way under Adora’s shirt, “What do you say we make up for lost time?”

Adora took a deep breath before responding, her voice embarrassingly whiny, “God, please.”

**-Freshman Year: Two years ago, one year after leaving-**

_Adora’s first kiss hadn’t been great. It hadn’t been_ bad _, per se, but it was nothing to write home about. She had been told that there would be sparks, that everything would fall into place and she would be different after the experience. Instead, it just kind of felt like something soft pressing against her mouth._

_She chalked it up to a mix of inexperience and nerves. After all, she had been Glimmer’s first kiss too so it’s not like either of them knew what they were doing. Surely if they just did it enough it would eventually start to feel like how everyone else described it._

_But then she lost her virginity. And, again, it was nothing to write home about. It felt like going through motions; like touching Glimmer and letting Glimmer touch her enough to check the box and say they had Sex. She had been told that having another person touch her would feel better than touching herself, but it felt almost the same. It was still the feeling of clumsy fingers fumbling around, trying to find a rhythm that just wouldn’t come. It felt nice, but it wasn’t something Adora would actively seek out. Or devote significant time to doing._

_Again, she assumed it was nerves and lack of experience. She couldn’t expect Glimmer to understand the ins and outs of her body on a first attempt, just like Glimmer didn’t expect Adora to. The kissing had been getting better--not good, exactly, but pleasant--so sex would probably slide into place in its own time._

_That time was evidently not the second time. Again, nothing bad exactly, just obviously not quite right. Like it_ could _feel good, but it just didn’t. Like something was missing._

_Which was why Adora and Glimmer were currently sitting on the apartment couch, trying their best to talk about their abysmal sex life when they could still barely call each other “babe.”_

_“Adora, it’s okay if you don’t want to…” Glimmer made a vague hand motion as she blushed, “I mean, you know. I don’t want to force you or anything.”_

_“You’re not forcing me into anything,” Adora shook her head._

_“It feels like I am though,” Glimmer sighed, “You always seem… I don’t know, distracted? Like you’re not really focusing on what we’re doing.”_

_It was true. Adora often got bored during sex or making out, and her mind wandered. If she was lucky, it would wander to Catra which usually seemed to turn her on enough to enhance the experience. Most days, though, it wandered to boring things like shopping lists and rowing drills and homework assignments._

_“Yeah, I get what you mean. I just have trouble focusing on it for whatever reason,” Adora admitted. She glanced at the TV in front of them, which was playing some movie Adora had never heard of to create some much needed background noise. “I’m really sorry, Glim. I haven’t been a very good girlfriend.”_

_“No, Adora, it’s okay. I honestly kind of feel the same way,” Glimmer put her hand on Adora’s shoulder to reassure her._

_“You do?” Adora brought herself to look at Glimmer, who was returning her gaze with a very concerned expression._

_Glimmer nodded. “Yeah. Like it’s great when I’m with you and I love spending time with you, but there’s almost something missing?”_

_“Exactly! Like I just can’t focus on what’s happening because I’m thinking of something else,” Adora agreed._

_“Or someone else,” Glimmer said quietly._

_And that’s when it all fell into place. Because as much as Adora loved Glimmer, it would never be the same as the way she loved Catra. And the same was true for Glimmer’s love for Bow. They were both too busy being in love with someone else to love each other._

_“Yeah, someone else,” Adora agreed, “There’s not really anything we can do about that, is there?”_

_“No, I don’t think there is,” Glimmer shook her head sadly, “I’m sorry, Adora. I shouldn’t have initiated this whole thing. I knew deep down neither of us were ready.”_

_“It’s okay, I think I knew too,” Adora looked down at her hands, “But I just really wanted to be, you know? Like, if I could be with you it would prove I was okay without her.”_

_“Adora, you’re going to be okay without her. You don’t need to be my girlfriend to prove that,” Glimmer insisted._

_“Thanks, Glimmer. That means a lot.”_

_“No problem,” Glimmer rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, “So… back to friends?”_

_“Back to friends,” Adora nodded in agreement as relief washed over her. Deep down, she had always known her connection with Catra was different than her connection with anyone else. It was too bad Catra would never want to be with her in that way._

**-Present-**

Adora had always been an early riser. Weaver had put them on a rigid sleep schedule, and even though she lived on her own now she couldn’t help but follow it. It helped that Bright Moon practiced at sunrise. There was nothing like seeing the first rays of sunlight dancing across the water in the morning. 

So when Adora opened her eyes and it was light in her room, she was confused. That is, until she rolled over onto her back and saw Catra, her hair a tangled mess and her face buried in Adora’s pillow. Adora reached over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear--a gesture that was more to express fondness than anything else; Catra’s hair was beyond helping at this point.

As if waiting for Adora to move, Catra’s eyes fluttered open. They stared at each other for a few moments, smiling sleepily.

“Good morning, Catra,” Adora said with a smile.

“Morning princess,” Catra shifted closer to Adora so their bodies were pressed together.

The covers were pushed back in her movement and Adora let her eyes roam Catra’s body. She was wearing Adora’s old Horde shirt--the one that she had somehow accidentally gotten in XL. She honestly didn’t know why she still had it; it had shrunk in the wash and was now awkwardly too small to be stylistically oversized but too big to actually fit her.

Catra wore it well though. It was the perfect length. It ended about halfway down her butt, which meant Adora had an excellent view of the red underwear she was wearing underneath.

“You’re staring,” Catra brought Adora’s attention back up with a smirk.

“Can you blame me?” Adora smirked back.

“At least try to be subtle about it,” Catra rolled her eyes before slinging a leg over Adora’s hips, essentially straddling her.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” Adora let her hands slip underneath the fabric of Catra’s shirt. Catra shivered as Adora’s fingers danced over the smooth skin gently.

“Like once, hotshot,” Catra reminded her, propping herself up on her hands, which were rested on either side of Adora’s face. In retaliation, Adora let her fingers trace over the ticklish spot that she had discovered in sixth grade.

Predictably, Catra started laughing, carefree and unguarded. “Adora! That tickles!”

“Serves you right,” Adora pressed her fingers down harder, earning her another fit of giggles.

“Stop it, Adora!” Catra pleaded above her, voice breathless. She let her arms bend as she fell against Adora dramatically.

“Not until you apologize,” Adora insisted. She could feel Catra’s smile against her neck and the room was still full of Catra’s raspy laugh.

“Never,” Catra proclaimed before trying to roll off of Adora. Adora was expecting it and she used her free hand to wrap around Catra’s shoulders. “Okay, okay! I’m sorry.”

Adora stopped her assault, but kept Catra’s shoulders restrained. “Are you really sorry?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. You can openly leer at my ass whenever you want.” Catra wiggled her butt in the air as if to prove her point.

“I was not openly leering,” Adora gasped in mock offense.

“You totally were,” Catra insisted.

Adora dropped the hand that was wrapped around Catra’s shoulders to run along the band of Catra’s underwear gently. “Maybe a little.”

“Maybe a little more than a little.” With her newfound mobility, Catra propped herself up on her arms again. Adora watched as the other girl’s hair spilled around her, wild and unruly. There didn’t seem to be any logic to the way her hair fell, but that just made it more beautiful.

“But can you blame me for looking at my girlfriend’s amazing ass?” Adora laughed. She let the hand under Catra’s shirt slide up to feel the lean muscles between her shoulder blades.

Catra raised an eyebrow, “Girlfriend, huh? Someone’s confident.”

“Oh! I mean, we don’t have to! I just thought… You know, after what we said yesterday--but it’s fine! Like, if you’re not ready for that or if that’s not what you’re looking for right now, that’s okay...” Adora stared up at the girl above her as she panicked. Had she seriously not managed to define her relationship with Catra last night?

“Oh my god, Adora, calm down,” Catra leaned down to kiss her cheek, “I was just teasing. Of course I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

“Oh thank god,” Adora breathed a sigh of relief.

Instead of answering, Catra leaned down and captured Adora’s lips in a kiss. Adora kissed back lazily, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. Catra--her girlfriend!--was here, with her, warm and happy and never leaving.

“So what’s the breakfast plan?” Catra asked when they separated.

Adora groaned. She had forgotten to go grocery shopping yesterday. “We’re going to have to beg Glimmer to make us pancakes.”

“Oh, _that’s_ going to be fun,” Catra smiled deviously before getting out of bed and walking over to Adora’s dresser. There were soft noises as she opened and closed drawers, until she found Adora’s pants drawer. A pair of soft shorts were thrown at Adora and she put them on as Catra donned a pair of Adora’s sweats. They were baggy and obviously borrowed and somehow still looked so insanely good on her.

Satisfied that they weren’t about to flash her roommates, Adora got out of bed and opened her door. She led Catra to the kitchen where Bow and Glimmer were mixing something in a bowl.

“Catra, what are you doing here?” Bow asked with surprise.

Catra snorted. If the messed up hair and borrowed clothes wasn’t enough of an indication, the bruises along both of their necks should have clued him in. “I’ll give you three guesses.”

Bow’s eyes darted between Catra and Adora, getting wider with each pass. “You two…?”

Glimmer finally took pity on him and spoke up, “Yes, Bow, they fucked. So, now that your _urgent matters_ have been attended to, care to explain exactly what’s going on?”

“Ever heard of hate fucking, Sparkles?” Catra joked. Bow dropped the spoon he was using to mix batter.

“Oh my god Catra you can’t just say that,” Adora elbowed Catra’s side gently (but not too gently), “We’re dating.”

“Fucking finally,” Glimmer muttered.

“I thought you started dating last month?” Bow cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“What? No, we were fake dating last month. Now we’re real dating,” Adora clarified.

“Also, Glitter, what do you mean _finally?”_ Catra butted in from beside her.

“Oh my god only you two could make out on multiple occasions and have heartfelt conversations about how much you care for each other and somehow not be dating,” Glimmer groaned.

“Adora, you literally went grocery shopping with Catra last month so you could cook for her! That’s not even a publicity stunt, that’s just a date,” Bow added.

Adora crossed her arms, “Okay, one: Catra and I were seen together at the grocery store, which makes it a publicity stunt. Two, cooking dinner for your friends is a kind thing to do and you guys cook for me all the time. And three, I didn’t even end up cooking for Catra because we had our team retreat that weekend.”

“I dunno, Adora,” Catra shrugged from bedside her, “That whole grocery store thing seemed pretty gay to me.”

“Catra! You’re supposed to me on my side!” Adora gave Catra her best hurt face, which was met with a satisfied smirk.

“I never agreed to that,” Catra shook her head.

“You’re the worst girlfriend ever,” Adora accused.

Catra smirked, “Something tells me that’s not true.”

“You two! Stop flirting in front of our pancake batter,” Glimmer pointed the spoon she was using the mix at the two of them.

“Oh right, speaking of pancake batter,” Adora laughed awkwardly, “Any chance we can have some?”

“Did you forget to go to the grocery store again?” Bow asked.

“I had more important things to do!” Adora exclaimed, “I didn’t have time to go grocery shopping! I was being gay in a parking lot.”

Catra snorted, “Are you sure more important things didn’t do you?”

“I so do not need to know this,” Glimmer sighed, “If I give you pancakes will you shut up?”

Adora said “absolutely” at the same moment Catra said “never.” Bow burst into laughter as Glimmer shook her head sadly.

“Okay, because I am a good friend I will feed you,” Glimmer relented, “ _But_ I reserve the right to take away your pancake privileges if the need arises.”

“Can’t argue with that deal,” Catra nodded happily before making herself comfortable in one of the barstools by the counter.

Adora watched nervously as Catra struck up conversation with Bow and Glimmer. At Christmas, the two groups had avoided each other pretty heavily, so Adora honestly had no idea how it would go. But now they almost seemed to be… bonding?

The trio were laughing as Catra stammered out, “Does she still go on that applesauce only diet at regattas?”

“Oh my god, yes! I swear every regatta we fear for her health,” Glimmer agreed excitedly.

Bow nodded enthusiastically, “One time we tried to hide the applesauce from her and she used her one hour of down time to go _buy her own_.”

“That’s the most Adora thing I’ve ever heard,” Catra cackled.

“Hey! Applesauce is great for recovery!” Adora defended herself. Sometimes after a hard race she would be too nauseous to eat anything other than applesauce.

“You tell yourself that, Adora,” Glimmer shook her head as the trio sent her disbelieving looks.

So they were definitely bonding. Over making fun of her, but Adora would take what she could get. She had been afraid it was going to take them years to reach this point, so she was pleasantly surprised everyone was already being civil with each other.

As she watched Catra tease Glimmer for her pancake flipping technique, Adora was hit with an unmistakable wave of fondness. It was warm and comfortable and just felt so _right._ Like this moment was always meant to happen, like the four of them belonged together, teasing each other in her kitchen, just like this.

In that moment, Adora was the happiest she had ever been in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger last time but you guys knew what was going to happen, right?
> 
> Unfortunately the era of me updating regularly is coming to a close because the last two chapters will be mainly fluff and fluff takes me forever to write (for context, writing the night in the hotel room scene from Catra's POV took me two sittings and probably an hour max and writing the morning/pancakes scene at the end of this chapter probably took me closer to ten sittings and closer to five hours). Not to say that I don't have plans for my fluff (I'm actually very excited for these last two chapters), it will just take longer for me to execute the ideas in my head.


End file.
